Inheritance

[nameshame24]

Another inheritance post but I’m just looking for some outsiders opinions and advice.

Background, my Mum and Dad split when I was 18 months old. When I was 3 my Dad remarried my now step Mum and had 2 more children my brother is 3 years younger than me and sister is 4 years younger than me.
My Dad had a very successful business which was originally his parents and they passed it down to him and my aunt was a silent partner.
My step mum worked part-time in a school and earned minimum wage her salary was her ‘allowance’ to spend whatever she wanted. My Dad paid the bills and mortgage etc.
My step Mum’s Mum died and left her money, with that money she renovated the house.
When my Grandma died (Dad’s Mum) which as a side note I was very close to growing up as she looked after me a lot. He used the money she left him to buy a house and rent it out, the money from the rent goes straight to my Step Mum and now that is her ‘allowance’ and she retired early.
Growing up my Dad has always been very open with me and said that when he dies the money will go to Step Mum (if she is still alive) and then when she dies it will be cut evenly 3 ways.
I have found out recently from my aunt that this is actually not the case. I will be getting 1/5 of their house and my siblings 2/5s. My Aunty has expressed that she has been told by my Step Mum that their rental home is soley in my step mums name. And therefore could be going 2 ways between my brother and sister. Or if not could be getting split the same way their permanent home is.
I spoke to my Dad briefly about it yday to ask exactly what will happen as I have been told one thing but actually another thing is happening and therefore I’ve been lied to, I’d like to know 100% now what is happening so that I don’t have to find out when he’s dead and things haven’t been explained. He said to me yday that the way it is now isn’t fair (on me) but not to worry because she will die first and then he will change the will!!!!! I told him it was ridiculous and then I ask him to be honest with me about it all then he said he wasn’t 100% sure himself how things will be split. I asked him who the executors of his will are and he said it was both my brother and sister. This has hurt me weirdly more than being lied to.
It might not sound like it but it’s not actually about the money for me, it’s about not being treated fairly and I never have been by that side of my family. There is a lot of history and a lot of times I have been treated very unfairly. But I would happily give all of my share to charity as long as I know I have been treated fairly by him I feel I can get on happily with my life. But right now I feel like I’ve been yet again kept in the dark and am being treated differently. I’m in my early 30s now.
I would like to ask to see the will so that I can know exactly how it’s been divide now so that if I need to I can ask my Dad questions about it and get answers. Would I be unreasonable to do this?
Would I also be unreasonable to suggest I am also made an executor? I have looked into it and you can have up to 4 executors. I really hope I’m not coming across as some sort of gold digger here. Genuinely I would give my share to charity I just want things to be fair.

Has the OP clarified what estate she will be "expecting" when her mum dies?

Yes I have.

There’s no right to inherit in the U.S. Parents are free to disinherit their independent adult children, but yes, it’s advisable that they state their intention in their will.

Yes you're right, strangers on the internet - who don't know me, don't know my family or the history. For such a complex situation, I don't think one thread on the internet and answers from 'strangers' is really going to give me the answers that I need. But like I have said before this thread has helped me a lot to take the emotion out of it and see it from a different pov.

I also appreciate that for many this subject is very sensitive. I haven't grown up in a family that talking about death or wills as ever been taboo - rightly or wrongly I don't know.

I get that the bottom line of this thread and what I'm asking makes me look a certain way, I do get that but this does truly go much deeper.

We as individuals and families are all so different and I appreciate your pov. One thing that I think was a little below the belt was the comment about my Grandma I wasn't just close to her 'once' she shared the custody of me with my parents for 18 years and her loss still effects me everyday. She was what I felt anchored me to my Dad's family and without her I have drifted away.

I didn't bring my own experiences into my reply. Good luck

My brother and I were left nothing by our father, and his grandchildren didn't get a penny either. It all went to his second wife, their son and 2 grandchildren. I think it was so mean not to leave even a few pounds to the grandchildren, they were totally ignored.

The issue I think is not the division, which seems reasonable to me, but the question of whether or not it is guaranteed.

If the OP's father's will leaves everything he owns to his wife and they have an agreement that she will then divide her money in a particular way, it is worth nothing. The OP's stepmother could change her will and leave everything to her own children, writing the OP out. That would be unfair, and morally wrong, but there would be nothing to stop her.

The rental property is solely legally owned by the OP's stepmother, so it is her will that is the issue. Whether she leaves a share to the OP is entirely up to her.

As far as I am aware (and I'm not a lawyer), the only way to guarantee the OP will get a share of her father's property is for him to leave her a share in his will and give his wife a life interest in it. He does need to rely on his wife's goodwill.

This is what we have done. We have severed our joint tenancy and become tenants in common. If I die first, my half of the house goes to our two children, with my husband having the right to live in it until he dies. If he dies first, his half of the house is left to his three children, with me able to live in it until I die.

Similarly, any savings in my husband's sole name will be split between his 3 children. Savings in my name will be split between my 2 children.

Essentially my stepson gets 1/6 of the total value (one third of his father's half). He will inherit less than my children, but I don't see that as unfair. I suppose I might feel differently if my stepson had been in my life as a young child and we had been close, but that is not the case. My husband is treating his three children fairly. I will not be leaving anything to his ex wife's child. And obviously his mother will not be leaving anything to my children either.

For what it's worth I agree with the OP that openness is helpful and we have discussed our wills with all three children (all of whom are adults).

I agree, I think there are various ways of making things fair and it isn't always that everyone gets an identical share.

I've been married twice, 2 children from each marriage. We started from a position of my 4 would all get an equal share of my half and the two we share would get half of his share. of 1/8 each for my older two, 3/8 each for the younger two but when we looked at the figures that didn't seem fair, 1/4 each didn't seem fair as the older two had their own father. In the end we have gone of 1/3 each for the younger two and the older two sharing the other third which we feel recognises my husbands relationship with the older two as their stepfather. As my older two have already inherited from their father we can see this should end up with all four getting roughly the same amount when you look at all 3 parents.

I think there are various ways to look at fairness but in the OPs case I think the issue is if the stepmother outlives the father will she leave everything to her own children? I think there are ways to avoid this and legal advice would be needed.

I think the fact you have discussed with all of your adult children what will happen and the reasons behind it is totally the right thing to do. In my case my two siblings are aware of what is happening and I feel I've just been kept in the dark. It just makes me feel even more of an outsider than I already am. And the fact your step child didn't grow up with you I think also makes total sense why he wouldn't have a share of your inheritance.