Would you have thrown the shoes away?

[ChilliChilly]

I have young kids and they leave their shoes everywhere, as do I sometimes. We have a shoe rack but with 2 pre school kids shoes end up in strange places

I collected all the shoes in the house while tidying last week. Gathered them all in a large canvas bag. Put the canvas bag in the sitting room (nowhere near a door)

DH was at home by himself and took the huge bag of shoes to the clothes bin and they've all gone. Including some of mine.

He says I'm mad gathering them in a bag and he thought he was 100% safe to presume they were to be thrown out

AIBU to think a quick call or message to ask is a reasonable expectation?

You might be able to get them back, most clothes bins aren’t emptied very often. It would be worth checking it out. I know if a bag went in either of the two in our village it might well be possible to fish it out again, or if not, contact the charity for access.

This. But then I loath shoes being left lying around. It's my actual pet hate. I can cope with other mess but this is one thing for me - they're on your feet or in the cupboard, nowhere else haha.

This feels like a passive aggressive punishment for not keeping the house as tidy as he would like it. He knew full well it wasn't a safe assumption to make. My guess is he did it because he was irritated that there was a bag of shoes in the living room. Anyone with an iota of decency would have asked you what was meant to be happening with them and then done that thing.

It's clear from your posts that he sees you as some sort of servant/nanny. Why are you allowing him to treat you like this? If he wants a tidier house, he should step up and take on his share of the housework.

I agree, he was proving a point in an aresholic way

He does think I start jobs without finishing them. I struggle working full time with very young kids to get all the jobs done.

Do you have to do the housework too as well as working full time?

If yes then I think you should divorce him!

I beg to differ. Having a penis doesn't excuse passive aggressive and shitty behaviour.

This wasn't a black bin bag left next to the door. It was a canvas bag of shoes that any reasonable parent would have recognised contained shoes his children currently wore.

He thought this through plenty and did it to punish the OP for not keeping his house as tidy as he felt she should.

The other odd element is he did say "I did see those new shoes your mum got and thought it was weird you were getting rid"

My mum bought some nice new M&S shoes in the sale only a few weeks ago. He said they were ugly and made the kids feet look weird

He has a really odd habit of hating stuff my family get. My mum got me some lovely mugs for Xmas and he keeps saying I should stick them on ebay!

Really strange behaviour

Everyone questioning why the mess in the first place...small pre school kids, kids need new shoes a lot, I wasn't on top of it. I was trying to be! Hence the bag!

i just like the thought that he rifled through the bag checking his own shoes weren't in there...

So none of his shoes were in the bag? Then I agree with pp that he's done this deliberately.

but i wouldn't ask him to buy new pairs because he woudl laugh in my face, and if i pushed - we would have a very horrible argument. it is far easier for me to

Do you do the weekly shop? Do it person and add a pair or 2 pair of shoes to each shop.

Alternatively tell him you're using the joint account to replace all the shoes.

But why isn't he on top of the mess? Why does it fall on you?

I agree, DH has never thrown anything non-perishable of mine without checking with me.

He sounds useless and insufferable to live with. I’m assuming he does no washing either. Next time he brings his washing to you I would take it to the clothes bank and tell him that’s what you thought he wanted.

This sounds like something my DH would do, but he wouldn't be an arsehole about it.
DH has accidentally (and very randomly) took a bag of clothes to the donation bin before. They were baby clothes I was going to put away (on the off chance of another baby). He'd never done anything like that before but I came home, bag gone because he had decided to be helpful... Fortunately there wasn't anything precious in there, but he straight away offered to go crawling through the bin to find the bag. If he had of shrugged and acted like a twat I wouldn't have been impressed at all.

Would you other halves really go and buy all the shoes again or go to the clothes bin to see if he could get them back?? Really?

God i knew my H could be a dick but I wpild have been totally happy with "oh shit sorry". The only reason I posted is because he seemed to think he was totally reasonable and actually thought it was funny and yeah u guess he was a bit "there's a lesson in there for you"

God i knew my H could be a dick

and the rest

I also think he did it on purpose.

You said it would take you 20 minutes online to order replacement shoes. Why is he not capable of doing this?

And why have you allowed it to get to the stage where he considers it solely your responsibility to tidy the house?

He’s done it on purpose - he didn’t like the shoes/your mum bought them/thinks you are messy. He probably has hidden them or thrown them in the trash. I don’t believe he made a special trip to clothing bank

I would say that this is the sort of thing ex would do, but actually he'd never have pro-actively done anything helpful.

It's funny though, how it was always mine and the kids stuff that got 'accidentally' thrown away or left behind or ruined by him though - have you noticed that with yours OP?

My DH actually buys my kids shoes in the first place. We either go to the shop together or he buys them online.

And yes he'd go back to the shop/bin to check if he had made that "mistake"

I'd have run to the clothes bin, retrieved the shoes (if possible) and chucked out the husband. What a dreadful, weird attitude he has. Do you feel safe, op? Do you think your husband likes you?

My husband would have done the same if I had a bag full of shoes and not in the shoe rack. He knows I bag clothes to take up from the dryer so wouldn't throw them out but shoes in a big bag he would..

I predict the day will come when you will be putting all his stuff into bin bags.

Why though? You could have bagged them to give to a friend or any other reason, would he really chuck things away without asking?

He sounds like an idiot. Or was it some kind of passive aggressive move? I'd understand if they were in a black bin bag by the door. But a canvas bag? He's going to need to replace them all out of his own money, isn't he?