Would you have thrown the shoes away?

[ChilliChilly]

I have young kids and they leave their shoes everywhere, as do I sometimes. We have a shoe rack but with 2 pre school kids shoes end up in strange places

I collected all the shoes in the house while tidying last week. Gathered them all in a large canvas bag. Put the canvas bag in the sitting room (nowhere near a door)

DH was at home by himself and took the huge bag of shoes to the clothes bin and they've all gone. Including some of mine.

He says I'm mad gathering them in a bag and he thought he was 100% safe to presume they were to be thrown out

AIBU to think a quick call or message to ask is a reasonable expectation?

How silly of him.

I found a book I thought my dh had read and I was going to take it to the charity shop. I texted him first to check - this was one single cheap book.

your dh was a fool

The more you post, the more deliberate it seems.

Wow so he checked that all of his was not there ! Yanbu. He was wrong. A quick check in with you would have avoided this.

What is he like with you day to day?

If I left a large canvas bag full of shoes lying around my house the other occupants would either ignore it (DS) or ask me why it was there (DP). There is no way anyone would take anything to the clothing bank unless there had been a conversation that started with 'I've got some stuff to go to the clothing bank....'

Has he lost the power of speech?

Could you claim on household insurance I heard of someone who did the same and got the money back on insurance

Clearly safer to do what I do when people don't put their shoes away - throw them in the back garden 🤷‍♀️🤣

DH was totally wrong to assume without checking

At least maybe people will put their shoes away now !? Hope some of his were in there

That's quite funny in a way! I can see both sides here. I mean it was a canvas bag not a bin bag and I personally would have checked before going to clothes bin but hey ho. I really.hope some of his shoes were in!

I personally would not throw stuff away without asking, my dad once threw a black bag out that my mum had left by the door for the ironing lady, he had to replace some of their clothes (lol)
But thats men for you just do things and don't think them through.

I would be fucking livid at this, but to be frank, my husband isn't so distant from his own wife and children that he wouldn't recognise shoes that are worn fairly regularly.

Your husband sounds like a complete dickhead that enjoys making you feel small and also making your life harder.

Your H is a first class idiot.

DP would probably (well, might) double check at the last second 'that bag of stuff...?', but I wouldn't guarantee that (or gamble that a load of tatty clothes or shoes weren't on their way to donation/recycling when they looked exactly like a bag of clothes or shoes on their way to donation or recycling.

It is harder to keep things clean, tidy and up to date/fitting when there are loads of old and useless things scattered around the house with the occasional better thing, though.

I'd have to question his judgement/intellect on this one. Is he normally so stupid? I'd be extremely cross.

OP you need to start a thread in the Relationship room (or better yet… the Divorce room) because what you are describing sounds like a profoundly unhappy marriage that has tilted in to… malice. And this is going to be a horrific family environment for you and sadly your children

Tot up the replacement cost of all the shoes.

The bag as well, if he dumped that too.

The money to replace the footwear should come from his disposable income.

So he won't replace them?

It's time a few of his shoes go missing.

Sounds like a passive-aggressive gesture to me.

Do you want to trade husbands? I've been asking mine to take two huge bags of clothes. So far I've found one making it's way through the laundry and the other is still sitting here.

he rarely tries to help

He did it on purpose then. He knew they weren't for throwing but he knew it would create big problems for you. What an absolute arse.

Open your eyes, get your ducks in a row, and start making plans. Arseholes like him never improve.

You'd be pretty stupid if you did!!

Maybe if the lazy arsehole did his share, the OP would have the time to finish what she started!!

So... he doesn't ever help them put their shoes on?
I think he was just a bit stressed and threw them out.
Both at fault a bit.
I think I might have carried them upstairs.

The fact he thought it was OK to throw away perfectly good shoes rather then give them to a charity shop is crazy

You work full time.
Sort all the kids stuff
Try to keep on top of the house

What is he doing while you are doing this?

Do you share finances or do you mean you just need to buy them. And if you both work full time what is the admin housework childcare split

let me put this another way what on Earth does he bring to your life