To find working part time hard?

[Nosleepclub13]

Before I start, I know I'm very lucky to not have to work full time.

I'm really struggling with my PT job. I've got two girls, age 4&3. 4 year old will go to primary in September.

Before I had children I worked a 40 hour week no problem, Monday to Friday with some occasional extra hours on the weekend too.

Since having the kids I just can't seem to manage. My MH is shocking. I work 9:30-2 Monday to Friday, and initially I figured this would work well around drop off/pick up etc. which it does, I'm lucky that they don't go to before/after school etc. But I find everything so manic. Every morning is a rush, never out of the house on time, feel like I'm constantly running around getting them where they need to be then rushing to work. At the moment the girls are at different nurseries, but also will be next year when my eldest goes to school anyway. So I'm doing two sets of school runs every day. And this is all before I've even got to work I'm stressed. I'm just finding it all so stressful. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just not managing it well? My partner works full time and when I was off when the girls were younger we used to get a UC top up which we now don't get because I'm working, but when my youngest turned 3 I was informed that I'd need to go back to work, and sort of rushed in a panic into the first job I was offered that I thought might work. But it's just not for me at all. Feel really ridiculous as it's such a small amount of hours, but because it's every week day I feel I never get a break from the chaos of it all. I now can't leave without something to go to but equally anything that is going to allow me to do the school run is every day so I feel I'd be moving from one problem to another.

Sorry, rant over 😔 not sure what I'm after, maybe just that it's not just me 😂

Sorry but it just sounds like normal life with young kids!

DD is 18 and it's just starting to slow down. It's just life with kids! You'll get into a routine.

I am the same. Ive only ever worked PT school hours and do drop offs and pick ups.

My kids are 17 and 12 and I still feel like I'm running round like a maniac every day.

Glad it's not just me! Thank you very helpful ☺️

Life with young kids is a bit manic whatever the set up. Its fine to find it tough. Lots of people do.

But i think that this is one of the worst part time areangements in some ways. 3 long days with wrap around care would mean that you get two days during school hours to get stuff done, and that you were paying for someone else to do the after school entertainment.And your DH could support some of the school runs as they would more likely fit his hours too.

Ive been lucky to do all sorts of working arrangements from full time, to school hours. They all have pros and cons, but the schools hours one tends to mean you do everything for the children with no dh or paid support.

Agreed, that just sounds like life with kids. Maximise your time. Empty the dishwasher when the kettle boils, use the timer switch on your washing machine so you can hang laundry out whilst the kids eat breakfast. You'll find a routine.

Also 9-2.30 is like rarer than hens teeth so cling onto that job!

can dh nit drop one if them off in the AM?

I think it's the 9.30-2 every day thing that is your problem. If you worked the same hours over 3 or 4 days and had a day off everything would feel much better.

When you are in every day no-one really recognises you are part time and you get given more work overall. Plus rushing from one to the other with no down time is a killer. I have tried it, I hated it and I felt much better when I did 3 full days.

Doing the school run every day is over rated in my opinion. I would do 3 full days and get wrap around care for those days then have 2 days with some child free time for housework so you don't wind up with it all weekend.

Also your partner needs to pick up some of the schools runs/ childcare/ housework now you are back at work.

5 half days are more hectic than 1 or 2 full day's off. I loved working 3 days a week.

I don’t really understand what is so stressful but perhaps you just need to be more organised? Like why is the morning so manic? Is everything prepped the night before, do you get up early enough ? Are you using your weekends to ensure that the week runs smoothly?

Thanks for your suggestions, I probably do need to be a bit more organised, lunches and clothes etc are all sorted the night before but maybe I need to rethink because what I'm doing currently isn't working for me. Whether that's try and find something which is three longer days and do wrap around care for the kids or see what I can do to make the mornings go smoother.

I hear you .I had a similar set up,in many ways you have the worst of both worlds. Maybe see if you can drop a day. A day off helps hugely. Also can hubby do a couple of days drop offs .get things prepped the night before, maybe batch cook at weekend.

Is there a reason your partner can't drop one of them off? Why are the girls at different nurseries? It will be hard doing 2 drop offs in the morning and trying to get to work on time. I would make sure everything is ready the night before by the door. I'd keep trying to get them in the same nursery or see if there is a childminder that you could use for them both instead, or i would use afterschool club. As for not getting anytime to yourself, we'll you aren't. I'm assuming you pick both kids up when you finish work so it's busy when you get home too. I'd consider afterschool club even if it's 2 days a week just to give you a bit of time, even if all you do is prep the evening meal or run a hoover around.

My partner currently leaves the house at 6:30 and is home about 4:30, a good portion of this is commute unfortunately. He's looking for a job closer to home but as of right now this is what it is. If they went to after school club he potentially could do the pick up. When I went back to work I couldn't get my youngest in with my oldest as they don't have a space for her. She's on the waiting list but it's unlikely to change before September, when my oldest goes to school anyway.

Thanks for all the suggestions, it just feels like constant rushing around every day trying to keep on top of work/house/kids. This is relatively new to me so maybe I just need more time to adjust

Can I be brutally honest?

Of course the mornings are a rush. You're trying to get out the house to a deadline with 2 young children. It's like herding cats.

This is normal. It will improve as you get more used to the routine and your children get older and can do more for themselves.

But to talk about this affecting your MH and to be struggling so badly, then either something is wrong and you need to see a GP or you need to toughen up and accept that having kids - sometimes - is shit.

I’ve worked 3 days a week since my eldest was born 8 years ago and I agree with others that it’s the structure of your hours that is making life stressful. I did similar for a couple of years and was super stressed and always chasing my tail. Switching back and forth from parent to employee to parent, responsible for everything, tied to the school run so could never take an afternoon off or meet a friend for dinner after work or even run errands.

3 full days was much easier for me (with little ones at home two days and dh doing some of the picking up and dropping off on the three days). I’ve just switched again so we’re less reliant on clubs, as youngest is going to reception in September. Same number of hours but this time I’m doing two full and two half days. This is still a better balance for me with a day at home and two days of after school care. Would that work for you?

Your current set up sounds exhausting and unsustainable and like your DH really needs to step up and share a bit more of the load at home.

I briefly tried 9-2.30 but it was like you say, always rushing, no downtime. It was much better working my hours over 3.5 days. Can you adjust the nursery arrangements at all? Then when both are in school your DP can collect from after school club on your long days. Men are allowed to request flexible working too.

Of course it's hard, you're not getting any time to yourself. You're rushing from pillar to post. Being there for every school pick up really isn't necessary. They'll be fine in an after-school club or with a child minder until your DH can pick them up and feed them. I'd then work 3 longer days, if this is possible? You'd get the headspace needed to be more involved in work. We all need that.

Can you go down to four days? Or do linger on the other four?

5 short days is a schedule I wouldn't want to do for exactly the reasons you state. Not full time pay but you get five small blocks of time after work that fill up with minor tasks rather than longer periods to really get things done or spend quality time with the kids.

Could you look for something that condenses the hours into less days? I work similar hours but three days so I have two full days "off". One or two full days is always going to give more time to be productive than five "post school" windows, even if the hours are technically the same.

I used to get every ready the night before and be awake an hour before my kids were up. I dropped at school and childminder and childminder picked up both x3 days a week full time. It worked well.

mornings will always be chaotic as there’s never not going to be things to do so I don’t think changing anything there would help.

I would keep your job as those hours are super rare but put your children two days a week in after school clubs and your husband collects on the way home that gives you 4-5 hours child and work free to get everything done and for probably only a small cost. If you do a Tuesday and Friday anything that needs doing your never too far away from your “free time” and it can wait

Is there a way to juggle your hours to start earlier or later for fewer days? You don’t mention what you do, but if this is an option even say 9-4.30 3 days would give you some time of not rushing and DH can do pick up. It has to work for you! I’d say explore this, and be as organised as you can be. Shower the night before, get up as early as you can tolerate so you can eat and drink and get ready yourself without the chaos (this would be a challenge for me as my kids get up so early!)

I completely understand where you are coming from! Your girls are super close in age & that in itself is demanding. I work part time & do it in two days. I basically do two long days and arrange childcare for those days. I think if I did what you are doing I would be the same. So maybe look at different hours? So you can have a day to breathe & get shit done! Best of luck x

Can you extend the nursery hours and DH can do pick ups if he gets back at 4.30?