To find working part time hard?

[Nosleepclub13]

Before I start, I know I'm very lucky to not have to work full time.

I'm really struggling with my PT job. I've got two girls, age 4&3. 4 year old will go to primary in September.

Before I had children I worked a 40 hour week no problem, Monday to Friday with some occasional extra hours on the weekend too.

Since having the kids I just can't seem to manage. My MH is shocking. I work 9:30-2 Monday to Friday, and initially I figured this would work well around drop off/pick up etc. which it does, I'm lucky that they don't go to before/after school etc. But I find everything so manic. Every morning is a rush, never out of the house on time, feel like I'm constantly running around getting them where they need to be then rushing to work. At the moment the girls are at different nurseries, but also will be next year when my eldest goes to school anyway. So I'm doing two sets of school runs every day. And this is all before I've even got to work I'm stressed. I'm just finding it all so stressful. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just not managing it well? My partner works full time and when I was off when the girls were younger we used to get a UC top up which we now don't get because I'm working, but when my youngest turned 3 I was informed that I'd need to go back to work, and sort of rushed in a panic into the first job I was offered that I thought might work. But it's just not for me at all. Feel really ridiculous as it's such a small amount of hours, but because it's every week day I feel I never get a break from the chaos of it all. I now can't leave without something to go to but equally anything that is going to allow me to do the school run is every day so I feel I'd be moving from one problem to another.

Sorry, rant over 😔 not sure what I'm after, maybe just that it's not just me 😂

I was finding this and reduced my days to 3 a week 9-3. My daughter goes to breakfast club at 7.30 and I drop my 2 year old to the childminders but she’s 25 mins away but I don’t have to worry about sorting breakfast. I then get to work for 9 (it takes me about 1 hr 15 / 20) I find it much easier to get things done when I have the 2 days at home sorting the house out etc. I do have my 2 year old with me those days but my 6 year old is at school

It is so hard I can’t believe it myself…and that is when they are well. God forbid they get sick. We currently are going through norovirus and it has been hell, by the time we all recover from this there will be another cold/cough. We are always tired. I have no idea how two FT parents do it. If I went full time pretty sure I’d collapse. However, we have physically and mentally demanding jobs. In hindsight I would have had a working from home more flexible type of job.

Solidarity here. Parenting is very hard. I did shift work when mine were young, i had days off in the week to get on top of jobs. I planned meals and organised everything needed for the next day in the evening. I do online shopping and take short cuts with meals when needed.

That said, mine are teens now and I am full time, and, whilst they don't need constant supervision it is still really stressful. I am lucky I still work shifts so I am around for my 16 year old, who is suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks whilst taking GCSES. I begin to wonder when I will get some downtime it is all consuming and really gets me down. Luckily ds 15 is so far a breeze.

Sounds like you’re not coping well and need some support.

pregnancy can take sooo much from your body. Get to a naturopath and dr and get the full spectrum bloodwork done. Then whatever vitamins or whatever they recommend. IF they suggest a diet change (beyond like, eat better and stop the fast and fried food) open the conversation further, say you really don’t want to (that’s a lot to handle right now when you’re already depleted) and ask for options. Some ND’s or DR’s jump to that, but often there are other things, with a more gradual diet change.

and then look for another job. Get something that fits better. Ask this one about dropping at least a day a week and moving the hours.

it shouldn’t be this hard.

I used to be like this. One in nursery and one in school. I started getting up earlier - I get up now between 5.30 and 6.

I work out before the kids get up too which helps my MH

I get as much done the night before as I can - lay out uniforms, outfits, make lunches etc.

I recently put my eldest into breakfast club a few days a week which is a dream as I get an extra 30 minutes to myself.

The waking up earlier really works for me though

Also preparing any meals in advance as you can!

I used to feel exactly the same when I worked these hours.

Now self employed which obviously helps a lot because I choose my own hours around nursery etc. I usually do 2-3 longer days and then have 2 weekdays free to decompress & catch up and get organised.

I would try and find something that allows you to compress your hours a wee bit more.

Yes it's hard having young kids. Depending on circumstances (contribution of partner, other family help, ability to pay for help) it can be equally hard whether you work full-time, part-time or not at all. I've mostly worked full-time but did not find part-time easier when I tried that.

That's a lot of drop offs and pick ups you are doing relative to the number of hours you are working. I'd try to arrange things if possible to reduce that, either by your partner doing some of them, or by doing a smaller number of longer days. In fact, I think you might find it easier to do you hours over 2-3 days rather than spread over five. It would be good to have some days when you don't have to rush around thinking about work, and other days when you can just get into the flow of work.

I think that women in particular can often find part-time work hard as they get left with almost all the burden of house/childcare AND the work too. If they work full-time it is more likely that the burden is more equally shared. Though to be fair on my husband, that wasn't really the problem when I was part-time.

Op not easy you out house 5 days too. Kids are busy ages. Takes alot out of you.

Same! It is hectic.

I found it much easier to do 3 full days and 2 off than short days Mon to Fri, if that's possible for you.

I found the opposite was true for me. When I worked full-time days I had very little patience left for my children in the evening and driving them to hobbies was a chore. Doing 5 short days meant I got some respite in between esp once they were old enough for breakfast club and after-school clubs and it became easier once they were able to walk to and from school by themselves. I also didn't mind taking them to hobbies as much. I think what stood out for me is that you have two different drop offs and pick ups. That would be stressful no matter what you do. How long before they go to the same school?

Personally I think working a few hours every day of the week is the worst part-time option in my opinion, you’re literally in work every day.
I’d hate that.
I work part time doing long days, is there any way you could change to this?
It’s so much easier when you have actual whole days off to get housework & jobs done, then get wraparound care on your working days.

I agree it sounds busy. Until my DC were both at school, I worked 3 full days 9-5, and had 2 full weekdays off with them. I liked it as I only had to get them out of the house 3 mornings and had 2 days off with one/both of them. Workdays were busy but they were full days at work so I got lots done, and the kids weren't tired from full days in childcare.

The downsides were, the DC could only do playdates and activities those 2 afternoons a week I was off, as DH was at work, so that was a bit limiting.

I think your working pattern will be great when they are both in school and don't need wraparound, but it sounds hard now.

Sounds as if you are finding parenting hard rather than finding work hard.

it also sounds as if you are doing a great job parenting, give yourself a break. These years are tough but it will get easier.

You're not alone. I only work 3 days but they are v long hours and I don't sleep well/at all afterwards. I've only got 1 dc who's at school but he's SEN and v violent. Everything feels like chaos.

It's routine, you will find yours :) I have four children 9,10,11 and 12. We all need to leave the house at 7.30. It has taken a lot of practice to get us out of the mornings being manic.

Would evening work better an option.
I did this in a supermarket.
I done slightly longer hours for 4 days, rather than 5.
Plus it means you're home if the kids are ill.
And your DH can look after them in the evening

PS - It gets easier as the children get older. For most people.

This is my life but I do full time and rush off in the middle of the working day to get thrm then complete work after while cooking dinner (I wfh). I think it gets easier ehen theu reaxh secondary. Its also easier when theu can get ready themselves.

I can relate. But what I realised was I was carrying the entire ‘mental load’. Take a look at Eve Rodesky ‘Fair Play’. Someone in here recommended it when I posted similar and it’s changed my life. I realised that I was the default for all things domestic. He’d say ‘what can I do to help’ but that’s not the same as taking ownership and taking a lead with certain things. I now hold far less in my head.

Because it’s not just the school run it’s;

knowing what uniform they need
buying that uniform
laundering that uniform
knowing if it’s world book day and they need an outfit
planning a healthy breakfast
buying said healthy breakfast
supervising that they eat said breakfast
supervising teeth cleaning and washing
supervising getting dressed
stopping them getting distracted
getting the goddam shoes on.

Then it’s the school run.

All of the above takes time, thought, planning, energy. Whose time, thought and energy is it mostly? Who plans it all? If he rocks up after work and does nothing - not ok. If he rocks up after work and offers to help - better but not good enough. Must do better. If he does a fair share of the ‘holding’ it all he’s a keeper!

https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-book

I did similar hours when DC were little and the absolute worst times were when I had one in nursery and one in school. It just felt like deadline after deadline (be at nursery as it opened, race to school for breakfast club, sprint to train station to be in work on time). There is no slack in the schedule. Pick up was even worse.

there is only so much organising can do in advance unfortunately. So, my only advice is to grit your teeth and know it gets better.

oh, and never feel bad about being late if it’s outside your control and never let anyone delay you leaving on time. People always think you have “just a minute for a quick question “. No! Be firm and leave when you have to. I only learnt this after running (a mile…) to the train station too many times!!

I really think you'd feel better with at least one free clear day off in the week, and without the pressure of getting to school pick up every day. At the moment you're getting part-time pay but manic stress every day of the week. I particularly find collecting from after school club a lot less stressful than collecting at school pick up time. I don't have to collect them at any particular time (as long as it's before 6.30pm), so I can make sure work is done and dusted before leaving. A rush from work to the school pick up every day sounds just as bad as being full time imo, if not worse. If you think they'd cope with a longer day a few days a week, I'd absolutely see if you can restructure your hours so you can do that and have at least one actual day off a week.

I fully sympathise op. I used to work long hours no issues, loved my job. Went part time after baby, could not hack it. I left after a few months as I just couldn’t manage without feeling my life (and everyone else’s) was falling apart and just so stressful and chaotic. I hated it!!! Very grateful I had a choice. I don’t know how people stay sane with heavy workloads and young children.. I don’t see how the two are compatible unless you have really good family help very nearby!! For me it wasn’t possible to do both well and it really affected my mh too. I had a crappy employer who didn’t make life easy which didn’t help. X

I would find this exhausting too, and it wouldn't feel very part time to me. Your kids are still really young, could you drop a day?
I work part time, 24 hours a week. I'm a nurse so I work two long days a week. Although the hours are long it gives me 5 days off.

Yep its like this now - tbh I found working longer days much less tiring - so - 3 long days - because I just got out the house and switched into work mode and then got back at bedtime.

Its the switching! When I do school pick up I feel like my brain never really switches to work mode - Im planning for after school/ what to do/ what to feed them