To find working part time hard?

[Nosleepclub13]

Before I start, I know I'm very lucky to not have to work full time.

I'm really struggling with my PT job. I've got two girls, age 4&3. 4 year old will go to primary in September.

Before I had children I worked a 40 hour week no problem, Monday to Friday with some occasional extra hours on the weekend too.

Since having the kids I just can't seem to manage. My MH is shocking. I work 9:30-2 Monday to Friday, and initially I figured this would work well around drop off/pick up etc. which it does, I'm lucky that they don't go to before/after school etc. But I find everything so manic. Every morning is a rush, never out of the house on time, feel like I'm constantly running around getting them where they need to be then rushing to work. At the moment the girls are at different nurseries, but also will be next year when my eldest goes to school anyway. So I'm doing two sets of school runs every day. And this is all before I've even got to work I'm stressed. I'm just finding it all so stressful. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just not managing it well? My partner works full time and when I was off when the girls were younger we used to get a UC top up which we now don't get because I'm working, but when my youngest turned 3 I was informed that I'd need to go back to work, and sort of rushed in a panic into the first job I was offered that I thought might work. But it's just not for me at all. Feel really ridiculous as it's such a small amount of hours, but because it's every week day I feel I never get a break from the chaos of it all. I now can't leave without something to go to but equally anything that is going to allow me to do the school run is every day so I feel I'd be moving from one problem to another.

Sorry, rant over 😔 not sure what I'm after, maybe just that it's not just me 😂

Yep normal life … we try to help ourselves as much as possible avoid the morning madness. We pack and get everything ready the night before (when we’re little that included setting the breakfast table), all bags (including my work bag) also ready to just grab.
I actually leave the house earlier when less traffic and get to school 10 mins early (if I left 5 mins later we would be late) and that time in car is just part of our day (he would go through his spellings, read me some of his book etc).
end of day we have routines too … everything unpacked, hubbie and I divide and concur so we get a bit of sit down time before bed

just out of curiosity more than anything, the bit where you say when you child turned 3 you were told you'd have to go back to work - was this to do with the UC payment or just that you were told you should go back to work? those are still quite young children to be juggling if you absolutely don't have to (I know a lot do of course!) as others have said, you need to check with a healthcare professional that you aren't also suffering from late PND or similar as you do sound really miserable (big hugs!!) - how flexible is your work, could you ask them to do 10 - 2 and give yourself a little bit longer to decompress from one 'job' to the other so it doesn't feel like such a rush? Honestly, I sometimes rue the day we women got 'equality' because it doesn't always feel very equal does it!

I’ve said this before in various ways, and I do know it’s not popular to say it but having two pre-schoolers IS a job.

Yes, I think those hours are actually the hardest. Lovely to be able to do school runs and be there for the children, but no one else in the household appears to be even aware you go out to work, and you're so restricted on time that you can't even stay an extra 10 mins at work to get something finished.

I tried several variations, but 2 long days, with DC in childcare worked much better for me. 2 days pw, they enjoyed the wrap around, and I didn't really have any parenting responsibilities on those days, just got them up and put them to bed

I would work longer days and have a day or two off to be more leisurely with drop offs and things. Get DH to do some of them. Sounds so stressful.

Getting organised is key here. I work FT and have a 4 year old (plus four other assorted ages in the house). Lunches made the night before, school uniforms laid out and ready, school bags ready, my lunch ready if I need it so mornings are less chaotic. Get the kids up early enough so things aren't a rush. DP needs to help with school runs.

Having done both, I would argue that FT working is easier. You're not on the same deadlines for pick up and DH can't help when the drop off and pick ups are at 9 & 3

I found leaving work at 2.30pm very stressful. You are clock watching and sometimes I would be in the middle of something and have to drop and run.
Yes it would be better to stay later a few days if you could manage it. OH needs to pick up some of the morning slack.
A day alone would make a massive difference- I would do all the shopping and cleaning and organising. You just get in a better place.

I agree with others, organising everything the night before. All clothes, lunch things etc. I’d often prep some of the next nights dinner whilst making tonight’s dinner to make it easier.

I agree with all the comments about the structure of your hours. It’s not just the rushing around; unfortunately it makes you the default parent and homemaker too. I imagine, although you don’t say, that you picked up the job as additional and nothing else changed in terms of the burden of life admin, housework etc at home - you’ve said nothing to suggest your DH is useless at all, just that this is what always seems to happen. As minimum you need to shift that. Start by writing down all those endless chores and things to do that are flying around your head, and sit down with DH to share them out. He probably has no idea. And if he’s home 4.30 each day, actually he has plenty of time to take some of your load on - and importantly, he’s not more shattered (and so less able to do stuff) by his longer day and commute than you - your day is long and hard. Much love to you. It does get easier as they become less dependent even if it stays quite busy.

Yes, all those "I just need a second" as you're trying to get out of the door, and never any flexibility to stay and finish something

I feel like we can't win either way. I have a flexible role so switch between working 5 short days and 3 long days - both have positives and negatives.

When working 5 short days, I don't feel like I am the best employee and am often frazzled. I have to be really organised with having lunches and my food prepped, drop the kids and straight to the office/my desk. Literally work until the last possible second I have to leave for pick up and it is hard to really get into something when working a short day. But positive is us doing every pick up and drop off, not relying on wrap around so I get time with the children and I do find they tell me far more when we have that extra time together.

3 long days are better for work. I am more efficient when I have the extra hours to get into it. But then kids have a long day with wraparound - when they get home they are exhausted and it is simply dinner, relax a bit and bed. They don't get as much out of little things like daily reading with me and I don't know what is happening in school/with friends etc

I don't know what the best option is. I am very lucky I can switch between the two so do a bit of both

Not always the case. I work FT, but I still do school drops/pick ups, so still have the same deadlines to get into and out of the office on time (if I am there).

Do you have any option to do 3 long days instead? I find it much easier doing fewer, longer days and paying for more childcare those days - I can properly focus on work those days, and I know I'll have the full days off.

You're just describing normal life with kids. Just wait until they want to go to after school clubs etc...!

I'd re-look at the hours you're doing, and perhaps do 3 longer days rather than 5 short ones.

I am a teacher but do 3 days a week. My kids are all at school now so I use the 2 days off to do all my lesson planning, marking, admin etc... and get some housework done.

Once the kids are home it's manic. Support with homework (particularly the one at secondary school!), trying to get dinner cooked, taking them to activities, washing uniform/PE kids... it's never ending!

I would definitely try and condense down to 3 days or even 4. You'll save money on fuel 1 day per week, you would have time to do all the housework and shopping do when you're children get home you can concentrate on them instead of having to do it all while they are with you. It's an absolute game changer! You might find you even have half an hour to have a hot cuppa and read a chapter of a book. Also, when it comes to school holidays, you're going to have to find childcare for 5 days which is just more money, whereas if it's only 3 days you would get to have time with the children too. Your OH can do afterschool club pick up and start prepping dinner, you do 9-5(ish) 3 days a week, hours are almost the the same. Look into flexible working for both of you.

Working 3 full days (using wrap around care between 8 &6) with 2 full days off is much better in my experience than working 5 days during school hours.

Can you look to change how you complete your hours to gave at least q day when you're not working?

You need to approach this in a more structured way and to be laser focused on being organised ahead, including allowing yourself some downtime and time together with your DH.

Write down everything that needs to be done each day.

Separately write a list of the other general jobs around the house - washing, ironing, cleaning, gardening, admin etc.

Work out how long it takes and who is best to do it.

Write a timetable of what you do when, but focus the mornings on just get up, wash, dress, breakfast, leave. Set a hard stop leave time of 15 mins before you need to. Have everything else ready - uniforms/outfits out, lunches made, gym bags done, coffee cup ready and have a specific box/hook/place for each child and you by the front door.

What time is there when you get home before school pick up? Use that time for you - sit, drink a cuppa, meditate - set a timer on your phone.

Use the time you get home with the kids until early evening to prep dinner and prep for the next day - involving kids where you can. Batch cook /plan meals.

Let DH supervise and have some quality 1:1 play time with the kids when he gets home. Share bedtime routine at a sensible time, then both clear up kitchen and sit down for some downtime - tv, food, whatever.

Organise laundry so its sorted into baskets, chuck a wash on last thing at night on a delay to finish when you get home.

Weekends: one morning for cleaning blitz of house and ironing. Share chores around.

Build in the other half of the weekend for proper family time and social.

Keep Friday night strictly date night.

Think it’s just life with kids, and it’ll settle a bit as they get older, but the reality is that life with kids is busy!
help yourself by prepping the night before, batch cook etc.
You get no time to yourself though neither does your husband, and as the kids get older time will emerge naturally.

Unfortunately that's just how it is with kids. Could your partner help more in the mornings or evenings, even just with things like preparing clothes for the next day? It'll get a bit easier as they get older and need less constant attention.
Whatever you do don't give up your job. Gold dust jobs with those hours don't come up often, so yours would be snapped up if you left, and you'd likely struggle to get the same hours elsewhere.

So you're getting a lot of replies along the lines of 'this is just life with kids'. And that's true... To an extent.
But also, everyone's life looks different and there are lots of reasons why you might be having a harder time than another parent who on the surface is in the same situation.
Some kids sleep easily and lots, some don't. Some play happily by themselves, some want or need your attention all the time.
Some spouses help a lot, some don't help at all.
Your home, your financial situation, your own health and energy levels all have an impact
So even though it's 'normal' don't compare yourself to others and don't feel like you are doing anything wrong if you are struggling.

I will be in a similar position too, though I only have one and he will turn 3 in January. We get UC too and I suppose to go back to work (or at least start looking for one) when he turns 3. I do want to homeschool him till he is about 6 or 7, though. I'm now doing IT courses, planning to specialise in some niche IT program to be able to work from home permanently. I came to stay with my parents for next 6 months so I can do tge courses and they can look after him, as I can't do both, he is very active and never still and for last two weeks he stopped napping, so he is basically up from 7am till 8pm. By 8pm I'm dead so getting help from my parents was the only option for me to be able to do the course. Not sure if this helps you in any way, but maybe gives you an idea what you'd like to do. Hope it gets easier for you. All the best momma ❤️

I feel the same !

Could you do different hours to allow yourself one full non-working day a week rather than working short days every day? Sounds like you might also need to look for a new job x

This reads like The Man Who Has It All - you missed off 'drink more water', 'eat a handful of almonds' and 'smile more'...

OP, I work similar hours to you and it does make you feel like the ball in the pinball machine flying from one location to the next.
My DCs are 7 & 9yo now and it does get less hectic in the mornings IME as DCs learn to do more themselves. This is what I'd invest the time into. It's more work short term but really pays off once they've learnt the task. Things like dressing themselves, packing their own bags (you can verbally direct this one item at a time whilst doing something else), and making their own breakfasts (even the 3yo can be trained to get a bowl of cereal. At 4yo both of my DCs were making toast using bamboo tongs to extract it from the toaster) take the pressure off you a bit.
Does DC1's primary school not have a preschool attached? That would at least make that part easier. I currently have to walk DC1 to the bus stop then, an hour later, walk DC2 to school and that is bad enough, I miss not simply dropping them both off at the village school - two drop offs in the car sounds very stressful! I am ticking off the days until DC2 goes to middle school in Sept '25, where I can wave them both off at 7.30am and they arrive back on my doorstep at 4.30pm 😌 The upper school uses the same bus, so that'll be me on much easier morning duties for the remainder of their school days! 🙌🏼

I found working hours like that chaotic- I work longer hours now but I have a day off - one or two days a week the kids go to their grandparents and it lets me focus on work fully and I have a day off for what I need to do.

I don't know what your works like but I find it hard to do my job in the hours I work, I end up with as much work to do in less time.