To find working part time hard?

[Nosleepclub13]

Before I start, I know I'm very lucky to not have to work full time.

I'm really struggling with my PT job. I've got two girls, age 4&3. 4 year old will go to primary in September.

Before I had children I worked a 40 hour week no problem, Monday to Friday with some occasional extra hours on the weekend too.

Since having the kids I just can't seem to manage. My MH is shocking. I work 9:30-2 Monday to Friday, and initially I figured this would work well around drop off/pick up etc. which it does, I'm lucky that they don't go to before/after school etc. But I find everything so manic. Every morning is a rush, never out of the house on time, feel like I'm constantly running around getting them where they need to be then rushing to work. At the moment the girls are at different nurseries, but also will be next year when my eldest goes to school anyway. So I'm doing two sets of school runs every day. And this is all before I've even got to work I'm stressed. I'm just finding it all so stressful. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just not managing it well? My partner works full time and when I was off when the girls were younger we used to get a UC top up which we now don't get because I'm working, but when my youngest turned 3 I was informed that I'd need to go back to work, and sort of rushed in a panic into the first job I was offered that I thought might work. But it's just not for me at all. Feel really ridiculous as it's such a small amount of hours, but because it's every week day I feel I never get a break from the chaos of it all. I now can't leave without something to go to but equally anything that is going to allow me to do the school run is every day so I feel I'd be moving from one problem to another.

Sorry, rant over 😔 not sure what I'm after, maybe just that it's not just me 😂

By the way - and I say this to be helpful - I have not found it gets better! Mine are 10 and 12 and I still feel pulled in a 1000 ways.

It is hard. There is no getting around that.

I found that the only thing that helped the situation was my DH and me getting better organised. And I do mean both of us. So that everything that could be done was done the night before and on Sundays we got as much ready for the week as possible including batch cooking. The morning was very functional with the children up, breakfasted, helped into their uniform (laid out night before), teeth brushed, coats and shoes on and out the door. Try to train the children that the mornings are not a time for playing around.

I I do similar, I find part of the exhaustion comes from double the mental load, you've got mum hat and work hat on, and it's harder to switch off from one side for a shorter period of time. I spend the half of the day at home thinking about work, then at work I'm thinking of everything i need to do at home. Whereas when I do a full 12 hour day at work I actually feel less mentally drained because I'm able to switch off the parenting side until bedtime.
It's all about juggling while DC are young, but even when you manage to find part time work that works for your family it's still hard.

Can’t speak about working PT with young children seeing as this is something I’ve never experienced. But PT (2.5 days a week) was considerably more stressful than FT. I hope I’ll never have to do it again!

It gets easier. I have two the same age but oldest is in school. Ime, it'll get better when they're in one setting and when the oldest starts school. We did have a brutal couple of years though!

I agree your DH needs to help more. I would hate doing all dropoffs all week. If he can't drop off he needs to take over the kid related admin and pack the bags the night before, sort their clothes out, etc. My DH does all after-school club booking and admin as I do plenty already. I work full time, but flexibly, and try to ensure I get time to myself e.g. if I've done after school childcare he does bedtime, weekly evening yoga class.

You haven't really explained what the problem is. What exactly are you struggling with? pp's have offered good suggestions.

I found it easy because I'm naturally organised. When I got home: All washing was done, I cleaned, packed away todays stuff, lay out their nursery uniform for the next day, make sure you've got a lunch for tomorrow. All laid out. You wake up in the morning and most of it is already done. So easy.

I really don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I didn't even work and I felt completely exhausted in toddler years (three in two years)
Looking back it was the organisation though. I should have just allocated four weekends to catching up...clutter, cooking, headspace, admin and made my husband deal with the children those four weekends and THEN I would have managed it. But I was just firefighting the entire time...every time I picked them up from preschool at lunchtime in termtime it was how will I get through to bedtime.
There are books on helping those of us who aren't organised. A slob comes clean is I think one
I also had a bit of an epiphany one day thinking how nice it was picking them up from nursery and coming home for the afternoon, snuggling up etc. A very wet rainy day.

I haven't RTFT but I feel like this too, and I only have one child.

One suggestion would be to try and compress your hours so that you do four days in five if his would work for your type of role, and get your DP to negotiate a two hour early finish for the day you work the extra hours, in exchange for hours elsewhere.

Getting everything ready the night before helped me a lot. I’m not a morning person and can push on in the evenings to organise stuff if I know the mornings will be lighter.

What could you get ready tonight so that tomorrow morning is a bit easier?

But really 2 and 4 are full on ages. It will get better but I’m not surprised you’re struggling. Trying to do it all plus working qnd no downtime to yourself, I’d crumble.

Try to find something 3 days a week and a nursery that would have them both. In the end they need a mum and who thrives not survives. You can’t drink from and empty cup.

You're not really working part-time and that's the issue. When you finish your office job you're straight into your job looking after your children. People wouldn't tell a SAHM with children at home all day that they don't work. You're working more than full time-that's why your exhausted.

change of tune to the others - I don’t get it. I have a 3 year old and I work 12-15 hour days depending on what I am dealing with at work and my husband also works full time with his own business. We don’t have a nanny, we just send our son to nursery. Try living our lives. You have no idea what manic is. . .

Pre-kids, my 40+ hour work week (minimum wage shit job) was entirely managable. Depressing. Shit. But you just got in with it - no other choice. After kids - no. Just no. But then - wouldn't have had children at all if I couldn't be a stay at home parent. Working that job and children was not viable.

I used to work in a nursery. We had similar parents to you - mostly, as the nursery branches were near hospitals, we had a lot of doctor/nurse parents. They would drop off their child (often just the one child) at opendoors, 6/6.30 am depending on the branch, and pick them up at closing, sometimes 7/8pm. They didn;t know their kids. They never saw their kids. We were closer to their children than they were, and so often those those children cried at leaving time. What is the point of having children, if you just stick them in nursery all hours? Genuine question.

I've done various different schedules of part time hours over the years and Mon-Friday 9-2 is hands down the worst! You literally don't get 2 minutes to yourself and get lumbered with all the cooking etc to boot because you happen to be home when everyone gets hungry.

I'd definitely review the hours.

When my DC were still in school I used to get there clothes out for the morning, shoes and bags by the front door and bowls/plates on the table for breakfast.

For myself I had a system for my clothes. I started putting everything together in the wardrobe. So, white top with a white bra on the same hanger, tights if needed.

on some of your points :

• I see my son for bedtime and at the weekend and we spend quality time together. I read him books of an evening and take him to classes and play with him all weekend.

• He doesn’t cry leaving nursery, he is delighted to see us.

Putting it back to you, would you prefer those gps / nurses you mentioned gave up work once they had children? Or worked part time and put more strain on the system? Or you’d just have young trainee gps/ nqs pre child age giving you or your children or parents care?

What exactly are you struggling with? pps have offered good suggestions. Just show some empathy and don't sound smug. So easy.

Get dh to do pick up and prep with you like lunches.

I m not being nitpicky but yu say you're lucky the kids don't have to do after school clubs....ours has been a few times and begs us to go more! If she weren't so busy already we would be happy to!

So what's the split of household task apart from you doing all drop off and pickups. If your DH is home at 4:30 what is he doing ?

personally I found working part time and doing drop off and pick up much harder than working full time and using after school club/ childminders. you have the worst of all worlds at the moment

Hold on tight. It's just for a few years, exhausting, yes, indeed. But that's motherhood/working single parenthood.
What kind of job allows such hours? Or did you specifically ask for that?
I know this is not the point but the hours fit quite well! And difficult to negotiate in some offices!

No idea how the GIF got there! 🤦‍♀️

Exactly!! That’s what woke me up. When DH said ‘why are you so tired you’ve had two days off’ and I agreed. Then it dawned on me - oh no. Hold on. I never stop working. Ever. Every day from 7-8 I’m working. Sometimes it’s paid and other times it’s not.

The Fair Play book really helped to balance things out a bit. DH now does much more.

YANBU....I only work 2.5 days and feel like there is never enough hours in the day to get everything done, and that I'm always rushing around and trying to juggle everything.
Whilst you are working shorter days, you are still working most of every week day, so it sounds pretty like full-time to me!
Can you drop any days or change your hours if it is making family life stressful and you feel so burnt out?

Of course the mornings are a rush. You're trying to get out the house to a deadline with 2 young children. It's like herding cats.

This is normal. It will improve as you get more used to the routine and your children get older and can do more for themselves.

I agree with this, but, by spreading your hours over 5 days, you are creating so much extra stress for yourself.
You could do the same hours over 3 days - your dh could do the pick ups of one of your dc, and you only have 3 days of the week when you are trying to get 2 little people out of the house. They will also eat breakfast in their Nurseries, so that is another stress removed on your working days. You will only have to make lunches on 3 days.

What you are doing at the moment is going from your paid job to your unpaid job, as @Theright1 has said.