They have enough money I don’t need to pay them back?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

Has anyone come across people with this attitude before? I fear it’s really common.

A friend told me her boyfriend didn’t pay his friend back for tickets he bought as he was rich and didn’t need it.

A colleague took our deposits for a lunch (outside of work) she didn’t book it and paid us all back apart from one person - who was definitely earning a good £20-30K more.

Such a shit attitude and I’m having it done to me now.

@exomoon I think in this instance the poster is using "spot me" in the sense of "paying for me" rather than just spotting her out and about.

Ah got it thank you!

If anyone ever asks for any amount ever again, tell them you're short as previous borrowers haven't paid you back. No ifs, not buts.

Yes I think it’s more this way.
Well off people don’t think they have to pay their debts as it’s only £3.

I've seen it too, but the well off ones are the worst for paying too sometimes.

DH organises group meals each year for his mates around Christmas. Because it's a big group and it's Christmas, the restaurants usually charge a deposit.

DH tells his mates that they have to pay the deposit to him too, as some of them are flakey and are likely to back out too, so he doesn't want to be out of pocket, even though he can afford to be.

The lowest paid of the group are always the first to pay their deposit. There's one mate in the group that's the most well off by far and DH has to chase him over and over again to get the money. Yes, he can afford it, but so can they. Just because you're "wealthy" doesn't mean you should sub others.

Not quite the same thing - but someone who would only pay if you asked her and even then, you had to ask more than once. And this is going to show you what a long grudge I have - this was someone I knew in my teens in the 70s! We used to go into the city for a night out and get a taxi home dropping each of us off in turn. I lived the furthest on the route (not by much) so I used to pay the fare and then we'd work out how much the others owed. There were four of us, and the other two ponied up immediately but not tightwad pants. I was going to write it off, but then one of the others told me that this person had said "I'll pay her if she asks, but not if she doesn't - why should I?"

I have never forgotten that - and just a few years ago I met her again at a wedding. Towards the end of the wedding people were dancing and socialising and she was sitting at the table near mine on her own and a waiter asked her if she would like a drink. She answered "Do we have to pay for it?" and when he said yes, she declined. I thought - you've not changed love.

Its awful but I have had a few people do this to me - at times when I was struggling for money actually. It is really shitty and if anyone ever said that in my hearing, I would give them the biggest wide berth ever - these are not people you need to be around.

No, he pressured me to do something I didn't want to do and then when it went wrong he held me responsible and used it to avoid paying a debt to someone else.

Why is she asking post-holiday? When we come back from holiday, we tighten our belts and don’t have funds to loan out! 😂

My family are exactly like this. Fuckers …. drives me up the wall. Dh doesn’t want to upset anyone 🫤 so says nothing.
i had a friend (past tense) who used to always forget their purse to pay for coffee 🤔 we’re not friends anymore.

I haven’t personally experienced this, but a close friend who’s a high earner told me that she has.

She once offered to treat a small group of friends to a meal and it became an expectation that she didn’t challenge as she didn’t want to make an issue of it. Until one time she went to the loo and returned to the table via a different route so they didn’t realize she was right behind them. They were talking about her and saying that they never offer to pay as “X can afford it.” When the bill came, she sat there and let them take care of it! Then she dropped them!

I had a friend who asked her aunt for a loan to cover a breast reduction operation. She was NOT happy that she had to pay it back, and thought that the aunt should just write off the loan, as ‘she could afford it’.

I think the attitude exists in rich and poor (for want of better descriptors) and the people who are not paying up will use any excuse to justify it, and "You're alright for money so don't need it" is just a convenient excuse imo.

Probably because I'm not well off I've only come across it the other way, as a few pp have said, struggling to get money out of people who are well off for events or things I've booked. I don't book now until the money is in, and if there's a time limit then that person is not included, I will try and add them if they pay up.
I've found people in a similar situation to me are the first ones to pay up, or tell me when they can.

My sister is a prime example of this, her household income is probably 3/4 times mine, though like everyone they have struggled a bit recently to maintain what they're used to. We meet for walks/food fairly regularly, I was actually thinking that I probably couldn't afford it last time it was arranged and was going to suggest buying some stuff to eat at mine. She suggested the same thing because she didn't want to spend out too much either, fair enough for both of us. Only I bought, paid for and cooked everything, cleared up afterwards and am still waiting for my reciprocal invite! I spent the same on a home made meal for us both as I would have done just me eating out and she spent nothing!
Which is probably why she has money and I don't! 🤣

Exactly this. I had a friend ask me why I shopped at Aldi because 'im so loaded'. I didn't respond but part of me felt like saying 'part of the reason I have nice things is because I dont waste all my money in Waitrose!'.

I cringe for people like this who make huge presumptions about people's finances and are so chippy about people who earn well as if it's ALL just good luck or privilege. They make themselves look so thick. Part of the wider trend for everyone to be either victim or victimiser.

I learnt my lesson when I was 16yo. I’d just started work at a big supermarket (I did three evenings a week then), and one of the Saturday girls needed someone to work her rosta-ed on shift one weekend because she had plans. It came after the cut off date that month for payroll, so she was paid it, and she said she’d give me the money. She never did. I felt awkward raising the issue, this went on for months. She then went to university, but would come home every weekend to work her Saturday shift. By then I’d also swapped to working Saturdays. I finally said something. She said that she was living hand to mouth so didn’t have the money to give me, and as we also both worked Saturdays, she couldn’t offer to work my shift for me like I’d offered to work hers for her. So I didn’t get the money back. It was about £25 in 1992, it was a lot to me.

I’ve only ever lent someone money twice since, and each time decided that unfold afford to lose the money if they never paid me back. I was in a much better position than they were and was happy to have given it as a gift. They both paid me back without any drama.

I'd be inclined to say that there's a deadline for receipt by DH of the deposits. One week before (or whatever the restaurant's requirements are plus a few days for the tardy) DH must have all the deposits in hand - it just a promise of the money. If people have not paid by then he'll assume they no longer want to attend, and the group booking will not have their names on. Everything in writing so there's no misunderstanding. 🌹

SIL has been very open about the fact that, despite DH earning £100+, she will deliberately make sure she never earns enough to ever pay her student loan back.

That's not right

Apologies not quite the point of thread

Yes, my brother still owes me hundreds of pounds. My family tell me that he's told them all I don't need the money so he won't pay me back. Then he fell out with me for something unrelated. Probably because he feels some kind of shame about it on some level. I don't know. I've ceased caring. He's right, I actually don't need the money but I did need my brother.

@tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz Ugh, that’s disgusting behavior, so unnecessary.

Someone asked who i know who doesn't buy me coffee 😂
It's an immediate family member who is a multimillionaire, i know this because the person continuously talks about it. They don't buy me coffee, I don't want them to I'm happy to buy my own but I KNOW (because I know them well and they are very garrulous about money and paying for meals, coffee, holidays) that if they paid for my coffee it would be a massive issue. I find it embarrassing that they watch 'fair shares' like a hawk and would rather just pay for theirs too.

To answer all upcoming questions - I have known them all my life, they tell me how much they have (i don't ask), I'm not interested in poncing a coffee, I know they watch like a hawk because they talk endlessly about others people.

I think it's sad how fearful they are.

It extends to business practices too and is a significant factor in small to medium businesses sinking.

That was me. Do they stand back and let you pay for their coffee?

I would just buy my own!

No, they don't really stand back but there's an anxiety from them (i know them very very well and they talk about other people and bills) about being taken for a ride during bill paying. They are not an anxious person just continuously on the look out for being cheated due to being very very rich. I know they're rich because they tell me. I know they're on the look out because they tell me. I've never borrowed anything from them. No, i don't like them. But I'll buy the coffee 😂 because it's worth it.

My sister would always 'borrow' money from our father. Always for important bills. She never used the money for bills, and she never paid it back. Cause 'he doesn't need it'.