They have enough money I don’t need to pay them back?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

Has anyone come across people with this attitude before? I fear it’s really common.

A friend told me her boyfriend didn’t pay his friend back for tickets he bought as he was rich and didn’t need it.

A colleague took our deposits for a lunch (outside of work) she didn’t book it and paid us all back apart from one person - who was definitely earning a good £20-30K more.

Such a shit attitude and I’m having it done to me now.

Yep, my sister is like this. When she invites herself to stay with us, she refuses to eat our home cooked meals and sends me to the take-away for her, she NEVER pays me the money for it, despite asking, often orders 2 courses, the most expensive starter etc. She'll scoff at me telling me we're "loaded". No, Dear Sis, we are not "loaded". I remember we went to the supermarket together once, whilst waiting for another one of her takeaways, and I'd forgotten to bring my card with me (I'd already paid for her takeaway in cash), I needed something inexpensive whilst there, she was spending about £10 on junk food, she got it for me, then as soon as we got back to mine, she WhatsApped me the exact pounds and pence of the item she'd covered me for (think it was about £2.10 or something), along with her bank details. Then proceeded to tell me I had to immediately transfer it. I asked her about the cost of her takeaway? She looked at me blankly, "you're rich". She thinks being a home owner equals rich/loaded. Despite knowing fine well about having a mortgage to pay. Honestly, I've put a stop to it now, no more pandering to that spoilt brat. Not seen her since of course.

I've come across it a lot and aren't as generous as a result. It's not borrowing money but more the attitude that they perceive I'm wealthier than them so can pay for things. I nipped that in the bud.

On the other hand, for people without an entitled attitude, I do also shout meals and other things if I know they have struggles.

For the record, none of the people above know if I am actually wealthier than them or not. Often I'm not.

I’ve had this from my Sil. I recently hid the fact that we went abroad on holiday. In the past if she found out we were on holiday she would suddenly have a big expense that needed paying.

You sound like a bank! 😂

Why does she expect you/DH to pay for her?

But if they spot me shopping or a meal, I have to transfer the money before leaving or I get the silent treatment.

What does this mean sorry?

I suspect she kept the money! Do you know if it really was donated?

In any case, she was wrong to donate it and should never be trusted again,

Who do you know that are millionaires and refuse to pay for your coffee?

No ones like to be used as a cash cow.

For a number of reasons.

1. it’s embarrassing for other people If you bankroll them every time. Most people have a sense of self and want to contribute
2. because you would feel quite used if you just paid for everyone all the time. It’s not about the money at all, it’s about the principle.

when you have a lot of money there are plenty of ways to share it without embarrassing other people or being a doormat.

I hope you don’t see these parents!

Never come across this in the way you are describing.

The closet I can think of is my team at work where there are people on different pay grades. There is a culture in the team of "no its okay" if somebody buys something. Eg if one of us but 3 coffees they will tell the other two people that they don't want the money. The general rule is we will insist if the person buying is a lesser pay grade and leave it if they are the same or higher.

I hate it when anyone makes a judgement about someone else's finances ("Oh you work full time, so you must be able to afford...")
I've come across the 'don't need to pay X back' attitude you mention, but more when I was younger (in my 20s, say) than now.

I was going to a family wedding and was trying to book a hotel near the venue. One of my relatives asked where I was staying and asked if I'd book them a room too. It was pay up front and I just knew (given his previous form) that if I paid, I'd never get the money back. There's a perception that I'm 'rich' which is not at all true. Having been burned a few times, I just laughed it off and said 'I'm not your secretary you know' and gave him the phone number so he could book his own. But this is the chap who comes to stay, accompanies us to the supermarket, puts bottles of wine in our trolley and then scarpers when we get to the till, leaving me to pay. If we order a takeaway, he disappears 'to the loo' when it's time to find a debit card etc.

I don't understand this way of thinking at all but I'm wise to it with this person in particular. I really like to be generous and help other people if I need to but not if they 'expect' it or make assumptions that I will pick up the tab.

Never borrowed and not paid back, but I have probably accepted 'don't worry it's on me' rather than insisting on paying my share for whatever it is we're doing (like a taxi) much more often from wealthy people

I don’t understand why people say eg my sister made me pay. Noone can actually force you to show them your bank statements or go to the shop to buy them takeaways. Just don’t move! My parents drummed into us not to borrow or lend money (except mortgage me) and I think it’s excellent advice. Once got stung by student we helped with emergency accommodation for a year but eventually drover her to cash machine and said I needed the money NOW! Only time I have ever done this and never again.

Yes

I loaned a small amount to a friend (£140) with endless promises of paying me back (to be fair,she had paid me back before with small amounts)

She then got pregnant to her cocklodger,waste of time boyfriend for the 3rd time and point blank refused to pay it back as 'Sharon and her dp are good earners and don't need it'

We do have more money,as we both work full time and she was on benefits

She promptly fucked off on holiday and I never spoke to her again

Last I heard,she's pregnant with another baby to the next cocklodger,waste of space boyfriend and is bleating on about how I don't need the money and she's a skint single mum

That money actually took a lot of saving and I do need it back but won't get it-I've been that single mum with no money but I didn't con anyone (I've heard she's done it more than once but just moves on when she gets busted)

Another friend owes me £15 (I've written it off but she won't get another penny) as she pleads poverty all the time but can afford crap like weed,treats and clothes but can't pay her bills

Their mental gymnastics on how they doesn't owe me the money they have borrowed has to be seen to be believed

Just because someone appears to be "wealthy," it doesn't necessarily mean they are. A nice house in a good area and a nice car need paying for, they don't suddenly appear out of nowhere. Just because you have a nice holiday every year doesn't mean your rich. You have probably forgone other stuff to pay for it.
What people perceive is not necessarily the truth.
"Never a lender nor a borrower a be" was my Dad's favourite mantra and a very wise one!!

My half sister (I used to call her sister) is like this.
her sons gf picked up some food for everyone as the place was near her work, everyone gave her money except for dear old sis “she earns £40k, she can afford to buy everyone dinner”
worst part is, she sees nothing wrong with this and said it in front of everyone including gf.

A little different, but I've moved swiftly on from someone I was getting to know, who seemed like a decent woman until I realised that she started crowdfunders every time she had a bill.

She made nearly a thousand more than she needed when her dog was sick and she crowdfunded for vet bills. And when her car broke down and needed major repairs she not only got the money for repairs by crowdfunding, but someone took pity on her and offered her their old car for free. It was worth nearly £6k. She's now crowdfunding for a holiday because she's had such a stressful time — and people are still giving her money.

This is precisely why my exh doesn’t pay child maintenance. He doesn’t pay because he says I have enough money and I don’t need it 😐

People who are in denial this happens live a very sheltered life. I’ve seen this a fair few times and it boils my piss.

I had to cut one or two people like that out. Absolutely pathetic behaviour and what is worse is that other people enable it and actually try to shame others into ponying up.

What do you do? I just wouldn't pay.

Yes me

When I was in business I leant a driver £500 for a holiday interest free, when it came time to pay us back, he said the exact same phrase