To still bath with Dd now she’s 7

[Cadela]

I’ve just been on the phone to my friend after putting Dd to bed. Was just chatting about our days and said Dd and I had had a bath together this afternoon (usual Sunday routine, showers during the week) and she was horrified.

Am I mad in thinking this is completely fine? I’ve said to Dd do you want to have a bath first and not with me and she has always said no but I’m second guessing myself now.

It’s just us here so we’re a very naked family, Dd sits with me whilst I get dressed and obviously I still help her get dressed when she needs it but now I’m overthinking.

My concern here is she knows you like it, and it appears very much, and as such she doesn’t feel able to say no, as she would hurt your feelings.

personlky I think it’s time for privacy. Tell her you don’t need a bath next time, and give her her privacy, set up a seperate time to have one to one. With clothes on.

100 percent.

this is really disturbing.

I also find it disturbing and hope the poster is simply being goady.

If your DD needed a medical exam, would you prefer if the doctor was male or female?

Same difference.

I wouldn't care, as long as there was adult.supervision where needed. But then I don't think all men are sexual predators.

How many female teachers have been jailed recently for child abuse?

Our children are no safer with women.

You obviously also view all men as predators.

So, same question to you.

What age would you tell your DS that he was a predator and a danger to women?

So, a mother can be naked with her DC but a father can't?

Guessing none of you have ever been to the EU then.

Christ, if you went to Germany you would have a coronary.

It's not about being a sexual predator necessarily. It's about privacy. It's why when opposite sex siblings reach a certain age, they no longer share a room and in terms of social housing, a family then becomes eligible for a larger property. Even the state recognises the need for privacy FFS.

Our children are no safer with women

I think you'll find men commit sexual/violent crimes at a far higher rate than women do

That's not to say all women are safe people to be around and all men are dangerous to be around but statistically men are more of a danger.

Nobody is saying that all men are sexual predators, but it's blatantly untrue to say that "our children are no safer with women".
98% of all all sexual crimes are committed by men, and girls and women need to be aware of that.
Safeguarding exists for a reason.

I think if a teacher or other person of responsibility were to find out that an 11 year old girl was still bathing with her Father, that questions would be asked. Sorry if you feel that's bad, but it's the world we live in.

And I don't view all men as sexual predators, but most sexual predators are men.

And I'm not saying for one minute that there is anything inappropriate going on in this situation in those terms, but at 11 years old your body is no longer that of a child and bodily boundaries and privacy need to be encouraged.

It’s about both age related norms and cultural norms….I’ve lived in Europe and there’s a big difference between the cultural norm of seeing naked bodies of all shapes and sizes and a father not putting in boundaries at the appropriate age and having close physical contact with 2 pubescent girls in a bath. You must have heard about grooming behaviour and that the majority of sexual abuse takes place within families? Most families face choices around the age that the op is talking about ….probably 8 or 9 onwards children become increasing aware of their bodies and also may start exploring their bodies and noticing that there are “ good” sensations associated with certain areas. We start to encourage children to seek privacy for very good reasons and for a dad not to realise this is disturbing.

To the poster that thinks it’s fine for their 11 and 9 year old to bath with their naked dad - please please read the comments here. If anyone knew in real life what do you think their reaction would be? The fact that their father thinks this is normal is beyond words. (How do you all even fit in a bath anyway. This literally made me feel a bit sick reading it). It’s one thing to wander past quickly naked if getting changed etc but for a adult male to sit in a bath naked with a 11 year old…

To the OP, We’re not a naked family and we’re not naked in front of the children ever, (eldest 6) I just don’t think a child ever wants to / needs to see their parents naked past toddler age but that’s just our opinion

Absolutely not 😐

Your DD will decide when she no longer wants to share your bath. Rather than the need to give children privacy I think what is happening is that parents are almost over sexualising their children unnecessarily.

It's absolutely fine!!

I don't bath with my two only because it's too cold and they wee in it 🤣

There's a big difference between a dad helping to dress his 3 year old daughter versus sharing a bath with his naked 11 year old daughter who's going through puberty.

I think what people are pointing out OP is there's a huge difference between dressing and together in the same room. As girls and then there's bathing together! Isn't it a squash in the bath??

I also think you can start letting DD dress herself now at 7.

As long as she wants to, and understands she can have privacy whenever she wants it, I can't see a problem.

If all the same bits I don't see the issue with it...

🙄

No not appropriate at ages 9 and 11. The mother should not be encouraging it either.

You won’t get a consensus on this, OP. People have wildly differing views.

We are a “naked” family and both me and DH come from “naked” families. My kids bathed with me until quite late, until their bodies started changing I guess, but both still come into the bathroom to chat with me often when I’m having a bath.

On the other hand, my best friend told me that neither of her kids has ever seen either her or her DH naked. Not even when they were tiny.

Me too and I started my period at 11.

I don't think there's anything wrong or concerning about it, but I do think at 7 they should be learning to look after themselves and wash themselves without prompting in the bath. You raise them so they can live adult lives, and letting them do things for themselves as soon as they're safe and able is a big part of that.

An 11 yr old uses the phrase 'daddy bath'? Like she's a toddler?

If this is true then it needs to stop and you and your husband need to think about appropriate boundaries.

I am afraid that I always think this 'we are cool with nakedness' is entirely one sided and that most children in such a situation never repeat it when they themselves become parents.

I also responded at 7 the child should be now given privacy from her mother. But no I don’t think at 11 a man or a woman should be having a small bath naked at home with their child. And no they don’t do that in Germany.