To still bath with Dd now she’s 7

[Cadela]

I’ve just been on the phone to my friend after putting Dd to bed. Was just chatting about our days and said Dd and I had had a bath together this afternoon (usual Sunday routine, showers during the week) and she was horrified.

Am I mad in thinking this is completely fine? I’ve said to Dd do you want to have a bath first and not with me and she has always said no but I’m second guessing myself now.

It’s just us here so we’re a very naked family, Dd sits with me whilst I get dressed and obviously I still help her get dressed when she needs it but now I’m overthinking.

If she's comfortable with it and she knows she has the option to say no then no problem. Do you have a big bath though? I can't imagine squeezing in with a 7 year old in any bath I've been in!

I still go to sauna with my teenager, so naked but not squashed together. I ask her if she wants to go by herself but she prefers to go with me. Its when we have our best conversations (no wonder sauna diplomacy is a thing!). She is very private at other times, and wears a towel in public saunas or if she goes to sauna with her friends these days, so not that she doesn't want or know how to get privacy when she wants it.

I don’t see why any child needs to share a bath or shower. I get that some children are the type to just hop in but come on it’s not an enjoyable experience having a child in there. It’s not relaxing. It’s basically another chore getting the child washed. Toddler and below means a high chance of being peed or pooped on and above they are definitely big enough to just need some supervision and a hand washing their hair.

and at no point really should a little girl be bathing with her naked father. With his bits and bobs floating around like a hidden periscope under the bubbles. Not appropriate. Especially not 9 year olds up even if dad wore speedos at that point it’s wrong poor girls. Why does a man want to bathe with a naked 11 year old… creepy.

It will stop when they don't want it anymore

Why are people so sure that a child will feel able to express when they're no longer happy with this?

I didn't share a bath with my parents but they were very liberal and would leave the bathroom door open and get changed in front of me. Nothing dodgy at all.... however I found it absolutely repulsive. I wouldn't have dreamt of actually telling my parents that though

I think the op's situation is absolutely fine, but the 11 year old girl having baths with her dad.. That's not appropriate in my opinion, I'm sorry but I remember myself at 11 and I was definitely developing and was not a little kid anymore.

Father with 9 and 11 year old share a bath squashed in together. No way . That should not be happening.

Everytime I get in the bath my 7 year old ends up getting in too 😅

As long as you talk to her about privacy as you say you do, then it’s fine - and would be fine even if she were a boy at that age.

@Mumaway 11 is too old to be sharing a bath with an opposite sex parent. Even if your daughter is comfortable, she is in puberty, it’s not appropriate.

@Comedycook

The assumption a child will verbalise their feelings - which they often won’t fully understand themselves - is a damaging one.

Yeah I grow up in a naked household, where we were supposedly all super comfortable with our natural naked bodies. My sister and I hated it and if anything are now on the prudish side. But we never said a word.

To the poster where there is 'daddy baths' at age 9 and 11, wow if you are serious I'm sorry but this sounds so inappropriate. I would not feel comfortable with my husband allowing that, or wanting to do that. If I heard my friends who currently have 11 yr old daughters did this, it would honestly sicken me, and the thought of my 11 year old self being in a bath with my dad is simply quite awful. Some things just can't be unseen.

Same here. I still have horrible memories or my parents naked bodies!

I bath with my 1 year old DD - it’s the only way she’ll let me wash her hair. I miss, and prefer the nice hot, relaxing child free baths though! And even with a baby it’s a squish, so I don’t think I’ll be doing this past 2or 3hopefully.

i think in terms of appropriateness, 8 is a good cut off because it’s before puberty and when I think children need privacy and independence.

I find it strange but then again dh and I have never shared a bath with either of our children. We sat on a stool while our kids were in the bath but not actually been in the bath or shower with them,

I don't but not because I think it's wrong but because my son likes to play in the bath and it would not be a fun experience. But our bathroom is a place where we seem to have our best chats, someone will be on the bath and we usually get one child coming in to speak with us. We are pretty relaxed with nudity in our house, even my teens. They have all been brought up with consent, ie when they were young and needed to be washed or dried we would ask if we could. We talk about boundaries etc. we knock on doors before we go in.

I used to live in Europe where there seemed to be a more relaxed attitude to the human body and nakedness.

I was still having baths with my mum at that age. Probably stopped around age 9.

Different families, different rules.

Most people based in the UK will also live in Europe. Sorry to be pedantic but I do wonder if other island countries have this - do Japanese people not see themselves as part of Asia?

Anyway, it’s this attitude that’s both annoying and damaging. Nakedness is COOL, right? Any desire for privacy or dignity is just a sign of your own repressed Britishness prudish views. In Europe, they are so very cool and walk around naked and have no issues with it.

It is extremely naive to think that naked adults sharing close personal space with children who are also naked beyond toddlerhood isn’t sending them a message about their bodies and about personal space, namely that it is non existent. That’s when you end up with those sort of situations like the one outlined above where an eleven year old shares a bath with her dad. Not that I believe that post to be honest; it’s someone trying to show how non repressed they are.

We know more about child sexual abuse than perhaps any other time in history. We know it is widespread and we know that it is a problem transcending social classes and professions. We educate our children and we try to teach them a sense of bodily autonomy and don’t just encourage blindly obeying adults. But it still happens. With that knowledge it baffles me that parents encourage bath sharing, bed sharing, nakedness with the ‘oh we’re so cool, not hung up or self conscious at all’

Give children privacy as a right without expecting them to articulate it.

And the UK is in Europe.

I used to have to sneak away for a bath because if DS2 heard the water he'd arrive bath side and expect to get in until he was 6 or 7 (basically when it became so much of a squeeze in the bath he couldn't play anymore)

Nothing wrong with it. She'll say when she's had enough and wants to bath alone.

OP (a woman) being naked in front of her 7 year old daughter is fine. However I think it's inappropriate for a man to be naked/share a bath with his older daughters. At 11, I had small breasts and started my period. My body wasn't as childlike as it was when I was 9-10. Your 9 year old will be going through puberty soon too. As a child I saw my parents in their underwear occasionally, but it's not right for a prepubescent (or going through puberty) girl to see her dad naked (and vice versa).

I don't bathe with my 7 year old but I am naked a lot around them and wee in front of each other

I wouldn't do anything that I would not be happy if they told their friends/ teacher nursery nurse at school

I think better to stop having shared baths before your DD becomes uncomfortable (if she does) than at the time. Fine now, but think of later on.

My ten year old still climbs in the bath with me, my oldest sits and chats to me in the bath or asks me to sit in with her.
I’ve even had the cat and dog try and join me 😂

It's because you view all men as sexual predators.

No wonder our young men are in crisis.

If you had a son, at what age would you tell him that he was a danger to women and young girls?

Would you let him be alone with his sister?

How would you cope living with and taking care of a him?

I like this comment so much that I'm quoting it so it might get read again!

Nakedness is perfectly natural, and given the prevalence of manipulated media and social media, having comfort with "normal" bodies is an increasingly important thing in countering the unrealistic/filtered/edited presentations children are bombarded with all the time!

Come on no one likes to see their parents nude.

If your DD was getting changed for pe, would you prefer if the teacher supervising was male or female, assuming both were absolutely no risk to your child and had no ill intent?