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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breaking it off, do I tell him the truth about why?

110 replies

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 08:54

Been seeing someone for a few months. The very first date he talked about his kids non stop. I thought it was kind of sweet but did find it a bit boring after a while. Anyway I didn’t say anything, second date was the same, talking about his kids non stop from the minute we met until the goodbye. I had tried to change the topic multiple times but somehow it always came back to his kids. After that date he started sending me photos of his kids, first few pics I replied “lovely pics” but he continued sending them and I started ignoring the messages in the end. Eventually he messaged asking what kind of day I was having so I replied talking about what my day had entailed and asked him about his … he replied “oh you are still alive! Haha you went quiet on me! I’m just trying to find you the photos from Christmas of the kids”. I didn’t reply as there didn’t seem to be a tactful way of saying I didn’t want them!

every time we’ve met since it’s been the same … talking about his kids and showing me photos. On the last date I was hesitant to go and he asked why … I said “conversation is a bit of a struggle”. He seemed suprised and said “but we talk non stop when we meet!” And I replied “no you talk, about the kids. It’s nice but I’d like to talk about other stuff”. He replied “oh, you have a problem with my kids 😞” … I knew this would happen, trying to make me look like an arsehole for not being obsessed with his kids. I replied “no, I have kids too but I don’t talk about them constantly do I?” He replied “sorry, but I love my kids”. 🙄 I said “most parents love their kids, me included but I have other interests, you wouldn’t know as you never ask”

Anyway … we agreed to another date with kid talk off the table. We practically sat there in silence.

He’s been texting me ever since trying to talk about other stuff yet he’s still sending me photos of his kids - I’m going to break it off, do I tell him it’s because of the endless kid talk or just say we’re not compatible?

OP posts:
Jeezitneverends · 28/04/2024 08:56

That would be such hard work! I’m assuming the he’s the non resident parent and there’s probably a bit of guilt attached to not being with his kids as much as he’d like, hence never shutting up about them

DisforDarkChocolate · 28/04/2024 08:58

I can't believe you lasted so long!

mildlydispeptic · 28/04/2024 08:59

Actually I think the kids are not the issue. He could equally be talking nonstop about golf or his career or whatever. The point is, he's making no effort to get to know you and showing no interest in who you are. Not the way to build a relationship.

ladybirdsanchez · 28/04/2024 08:59

I'm amazed you've lasted this long OP. You've already told him he's boring AF to keep wittering on about his kids and you sat in silence after that. He has no other conversation. Just end it. You have nothing in common. I think I'd just say that tbh.

LucyMacLean · 28/04/2024 08:59

Ugh, he sounds so tedious. Not sure why you even agreed to another date with him.

I’d probably just say something vague about not being interested in pursuing anything further. You don’t actually need to give a definitive reason for why you’re not into him. And besides, you’ve already told him that you find the constant kids talk too much, and he reacted badly, why go there again.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 28/04/2024 08:59

He sounds so bloody boring. I’d have blocked him by now! No thanks!

Gowlett · 28/04/2024 09:00

He’s feeling a lot of guilt about his kids.
Break up with him now, it won’t change.

27Bumblebees · 28/04/2024 09:01

I think you were perfectly tactful and right in giving the reason. He was defensive, and rude in his reply, but some people think their kids are objectively THE MOST AMAZING when they're obviously only special to their parents. I have kids, I get the temptation to be a baby bore, but fight it bc it's boring!

Maybe not a good match if he's not getting to know you properly.

Mumoftwo1312 · 28/04/2024 09:03

I replied “no, I have kids too but I don’t talk about them constantly do I?” He replied “sorry, but I love my kids”.

My god, I'd have ghosted him from this moment on. How dare he imply you don't love your kids just because you don't talk about them constantly and... send photos of them to people you don't know well?!

Who does that? I wonder what his kids would think about him sending dozens of photos of them to every woman he dates?

He is BU. I don't even send that many photos of my kids to my best friends

Iloveyoubut · 28/04/2024 09:10

in this case I’d be honest and it wouldn’t just be the incessant chat about his kids. The real problem and red flag for me is when you said he talked too much about his kids and he said “oh so you have a problem with my kids then”. I can tell you now, over time, trying to be with someone who manages conflict like that will drive you to the brink and I’d end and I’d make sure I told him why. You’d be stuck the ‘can you remember to take the bin out this morning? So you’re saying I do nothing around the house?’ type of person and trust me, that is a living hell on earth. Get rid and I’d actually take great pleasure in telling him why! I’ll tell him for you!

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 28/04/2024 09:13

He isn't ready for a relationship..

PineappleTime · 28/04/2024 09:15

Why on earth have you agreed to another date? He's so boring. Yes break it off and yes tell him.

TisButThyName · 28/04/2024 09:17

He clearly loves his kids but needs to get a life of his own and find himself before he attempts dating.

I'd be honest with him though.

Daleksatemyshed · 28/04/2024 09:20

This was doomed right from the moment he said " oh you have a problem with my kIds" @ManorLord . He can't understand the woman he's dating doesn't want to be endlessly involved with his DC right from the start. You don't owe him an explanation, he won't accept the real reason, just say it's over

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 09:21

It’s not that he doesn’t see his kids, he has them every weekend and one night during the week (then I get constant updates of their antics 🙄) I wouldn’t mind but they’re 16 and 18! Example of how ridiculous it is … he sent me a photo yesterday titled “hungry hippos!” … his kids (who are almost adults) sat eating fish and chips. It’s just boring

OP posts:
sonjadog · 28/04/2024 09:23

He sounds really dull. That is reason enough to break it off.

Maray1967 · 28/04/2024 09:25

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 09:21

It’s not that he doesn’t see his kids, he has them every weekend and one night during the week (then I get constant updates of their antics 🙄) I wouldn’t mind but they’re 16 and 18! Example of how ridiculous it is … he sent me a photo yesterday titled “hungry hippos!” … his kids (who are almost adults) sat eating fish and chips. It’s just boring

This is hilarious! I’m imagining my DS16’s reaction if I sent a photo of him eating, entitled hungry hippo…

FUBAR77 · 28/04/2024 09:26

The ick is strong with this one…

JungleJimmy · 28/04/2024 09:27

Just drop him a "you're nice but there's no spark text" and be done with him; he sounds duuuuulllll. 🥱

Maray1967 · 28/04/2024 09:28

To get back to the point - op notes that he effectively said he loves his DC more than you do yours - big problem.

Until you said their ages, I thought he was desperately trying to find a step mum for them. Perhaps that’s still the case.

I’d message him, ending it. If he is so thick as to ask why, I’d tell him.

Maray1967 · 28/04/2024 09:28

PP not op

Createausername1970 · 28/04/2024 09:29

Ah. I thought they were young kids and he was feeling guilty about not seeing them.

From your update I can see he has them regularly and they are are 16 and 18.

The man has no hobbies or interests and has nothing to talk about other than his practically adult kids.

Don't pursue this, but please be honest with him. He needs to get a life, literally!

Stillbloodyfreezing · 28/04/2024 09:32

Well if they’re 16 and 18 that’s just daft. Especially the Christmas photos! They’re not going to actually be cute or sweet are they?!

You told him what the problem is. It hasn’t changed his behaviour. Just tell him you don’t want to pursue it any more.

Dita73 · 28/04/2024 09:32

Sounds like Peter Andre. Ditch him immediately

Amx · 28/04/2024 09:33

I'd be honest. Hungry hippos has made me get the ick on your behalf.