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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breaking it off, do I tell him the truth about why?

110 replies

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 08:54

Been seeing someone for a few months. The very first date he talked about his kids non stop. I thought it was kind of sweet but did find it a bit boring after a while. Anyway I didn’t say anything, second date was the same, talking about his kids non stop from the minute we met until the goodbye. I had tried to change the topic multiple times but somehow it always came back to his kids. After that date he started sending me photos of his kids, first few pics I replied “lovely pics” but he continued sending them and I started ignoring the messages in the end. Eventually he messaged asking what kind of day I was having so I replied talking about what my day had entailed and asked him about his … he replied “oh you are still alive! Haha you went quiet on me! I’m just trying to find you the photos from Christmas of the kids”. I didn’t reply as there didn’t seem to be a tactful way of saying I didn’t want them!

every time we’ve met since it’s been the same … talking about his kids and showing me photos. On the last date I was hesitant to go and he asked why … I said “conversation is a bit of a struggle”. He seemed suprised and said “but we talk non stop when we meet!” And I replied “no you talk, about the kids. It’s nice but I’d like to talk about other stuff”. He replied “oh, you have a problem with my kids 😞” … I knew this would happen, trying to make me look like an arsehole for not being obsessed with his kids. I replied “no, I have kids too but I don’t talk about them constantly do I?” He replied “sorry, but I love my kids”. 🙄 I said “most parents love their kids, me included but I have other interests, you wouldn’t know as you never ask”

Anyway … we agreed to another date with kid talk off the table. We practically sat there in silence.

He’s been texting me ever since trying to talk about other stuff yet he’s still sending me photos of his kids - I’m going to break it off, do I tell him it’s because of the endless kid talk or just say we’re not compatible?

OP posts:
MissMillyFluff · 01/05/2024 17:47

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 09:21

It’s not that he doesn’t see his kids, he has them every weekend and one night during the week (then I get constant updates of their antics 🙄) I wouldn’t mind but they’re 16 and 18! Example of how ridiculous it is … he sent me a photo yesterday titled “hungry hippos!” … his kids (who are almost adults) sat eating fish and chips. It’s just boring

I laughed out loud at this. I'm sorry OP but I think you've had a lucky escape 😁

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 01/05/2024 17:51

The hungry hippos comment got me 😭😭😭

Disturbia81 · 01/05/2024 17:52

Well done OP for being so decisive! He would be self obsessed about any subject, people who drone on about the same thing are just like that and won't change. Sounded like he wanted you to be a mum figure too maybe

RightOnTheEdge · 01/05/2024 18:06

The age of his kids and the "Hungry Hippos" made me actually LOL! 😂

My kids would be absolutely horrified if I'd done this to them.
What a weirdo! Well done for chucking him back Op!

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 01/05/2024 18:11

I would have dumped after date 2.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 01/05/2024 18:12

mildlydispeptic · 28/04/2024 08:59

Actually I think the kids are not the issue. He could equally be talking nonstop about golf or his career or whatever. The point is, he's making no effort to get to know you and showing no interest in who you are. Not the way to build a relationship.

Yes this. I'd tell him he's self involved and has made little to no effort to get to know me, so I'm done.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 01/05/2024 18:15

Amx · 28/04/2024 09:33

I'd be honest. Hungry hippos has made me get the ick on your behalf.

Yes, me too!

They are teenagers! My god I was imagining much younger (cuter, less grumpy) kids!

He is a sad sack indeed.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 01/05/2024 18:21

. I also think sending constant photos of teenagers to someone they don't even know is wildly inappropriate

God yes this! He's such a twat Grin

SOxon · 01/05/2024 19:16

OP - this obsessive devotion to his oblivious teenage sons
makes him sound a saveloy short of a fish and chip supper

crockofshite · 01/05/2024 21:23

Yeah, not compatible.

It's true and easier than getting into an argument about his kids.

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