Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breaking it off, do I tell him the truth about why?

110 replies

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 08:54

Been seeing someone for a few months. The very first date he talked about his kids non stop. I thought it was kind of sweet but did find it a bit boring after a while. Anyway I didn’t say anything, second date was the same, talking about his kids non stop from the minute we met until the goodbye. I had tried to change the topic multiple times but somehow it always came back to his kids. After that date he started sending me photos of his kids, first few pics I replied “lovely pics” but he continued sending them and I started ignoring the messages in the end. Eventually he messaged asking what kind of day I was having so I replied talking about what my day had entailed and asked him about his … he replied “oh you are still alive! Haha you went quiet on me! I’m just trying to find you the photos from Christmas of the kids”. I didn’t reply as there didn’t seem to be a tactful way of saying I didn’t want them!

every time we’ve met since it’s been the same … talking about his kids and showing me photos. On the last date I was hesitant to go and he asked why … I said “conversation is a bit of a struggle”. He seemed suprised and said “but we talk non stop when we meet!” And I replied “no you talk, about the kids. It’s nice but I’d like to talk about other stuff”. He replied “oh, you have a problem with my kids 😞” … I knew this would happen, trying to make me look like an arsehole for not being obsessed with his kids. I replied “no, I have kids too but I don’t talk about them constantly do I?” He replied “sorry, but I love my kids”. 🙄 I said “most parents love their kids, me included but I have other interests, you wouldn’t know as you never ask”

Anyway … we agreed to another date with kid talk off the table. We practically sat there in silence.

He’s been texting me ever since trying to talk about other stuff yet he’s still sending me photos of his kids - I’m going to break it off, do I tell him it’s because of the endless kid talk or just say we’re not compatible?

OP posts:
Oblomov24 · 28/04/2024 10:24

Why were you so tolerant in the first place? He's bound to play this to his own Advantedge: oh I met this nice woman but she criticised me for being a good dad, interested in my kids. Hmm

Oblomov24 · 28/04/2024 10:26

Hungry hippos, I used to like the actual game. Twat.

AccountCreateUsername · 28/04/2024 10:27

He doesn’t event care that he’s boring you and taking over all conversation. What a cunt! Just tell him it over and you can’t be friends. It’ll hurt too much then block.

Cnidarian · 28/04/2024 10:29

Only thing unreasonable about this is that you seem to have another date lined up....why?!

AccountCreateUsername · 28/04/2024 10:31

Cnidarian · 28/04/2024 10:29

Only thing unreasonable about this is that you seem to have another date lined up....why?!

That date already happened, so boring you missed it. OP has no plans to meet this man again 👏🏼

RagzRebooted · 28/04/2024 10:31

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 09:21

It’s not that he doesn’t see his kids, he has them every weekend and one night during the week (then I get constant updates of their antics 🙄) I wouldn’t mind but they’re 16 and 18! Example of how ridiculous it is … he sent me a photo yesterday titled “hungry hippos!” … his kids (who are almost adults) sat eating fish and chips. It’s just boring

Oh wow, I assumed they were under 10!
Do they know he's sending their photos to you? Mine are that age and they'd be horrified!

Janpoppy · 28/04/2024 10:32

TinDogTavern · 28/04/2024 10:11

The thing is you've already told him what the problem is (and done it in a really nice way) and nothing has changed other than he's tried to make you feel bad about it. I would dump and I wouldn't bother trying to explain again why.

This nails it.

Just keep it generic. The only reason you need to end dating someone is that you're just not feeling it. Simple as.

SapphireOpal · 28/04/2024 10:43

Oh my god they're 16 and 18?! I assumed they were "cute" toddlers and he was sending pics in the way you send baby/toddler pics to family. And even when I thought that it gave me the ick.

I wouldn't send their own grandparents random pics of them eating fish and chips at 18 😂

Remembermetoonewholivedthere · 28/04/2024 10:45

You could say something like,

”Dear Man, thanks for the dates we’ve had; I’m sorry but I don’t think our relationship has a future so I think it’s best if we don’t meet up again.

You are obviously a great, involved father, which is admirable, and I completely understand how focused you are on your kids, as I am on mine, but I don’t think you have enough room in your life yet to look towards developing a fulfilling relationship with an adult partner.

Wishing you well,
ML “

If he follows up with a phone call you could then be more honest and say that you found it difficult to learn anything about him outside of his relationships with his kids, and felt that he wasn’t particularly interested in learning about you.

Better luck next time op!

Edited to say: you don’t owe him an explanation, and on balance, he doesn’t sound very receptive to feedback!

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/04/2024 11:01

DULL DULL DULL. Get out now

fatphalange · 28/04/2024 11:07

Strange man.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 28/04/2024 11:09

Not only does he sound dull, he sounds like a massive dickhead for trying to make out you're the one in the wrong.

The “sorry, but I love my kids” is particularly galling and I'm surprised you didn't block him immediately.

Noseybookworm · 28/04/2024 11:11

Does it really matter what you say? You're not going to see him again so it doesn't matter what he thinks 🤷‍♀️ I would just say not compatible and not get drawn into any discussions about the whys and reasons. Just message him and the forget about him - and be glad you won't have to see any more pics of his bloody kids 😂

LakeTiticaca · 28/04/2024 11:26

Christ on a bike I thought they were toddlers!!
You need to tell him the reason your binning him, in the nicest possible way, nobody wants to listen to a non stop commentary on the lives of their teenage children. It might save him wasting more time meeting dates and getting binned because they are fed up of his one subject conversation 😒

walnutcoffee · 28/04/2024 11:43

Id be blocking and running for the hills.
I couldent sit and listen to non-stop talk about kids all the time bloody boring.
Mind you mine are adults.
But nope block before you have to start meeting them it will get worse from then on.

LardoBurrows · 28/04/2024 11:53

Dita73 · 28/04/2024 09:32

Sounds like Peter Andre. Ditch him immediately

😂😂

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 28/04/2024 12:38

I imagine in 2 years you will have 2 extra on your dates to the pub....

PineappleTime · 28/04/2024 12:40

AccountCreateUsername · 28/04/2024 10:31

That date already happened, so boring you missed it. OP has no plans to meet this man again 👏🏼

She does...?

MrsDoubtfire24 · 28/04/2024 12:47

Why give him feedback that will enable him to be on better behaviour with the next woman? You’re not a dating coach.

Sending photos of the kids eating is grossly inappropriate. This man has no boundaries.

PenelopeTitsdrop1990 · 28/04/2024 12:50

Does he ask you about you? If not I'd make that a good reason to end it.

andfinallyhereweare · 28/04/2024 13:19

He’s not going to see your POV, don’t explain just say sorry we’re not well suited or whatever gentle way you want to end it, then no more communication at all.

MILTOBE · 28/04/2024 13:21

Oh god, I couldn't be doing with that.

Why did he break up from his ex?

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/04/2024 13:24

Just say it’s not working but you wish him well.

My god what a boring fucker.

MinnieGirl · 01/05/2024 08:50

What happened OP? Have you got rid of him?

Lilacdew · 01/05/2024 08:53

He's looking for a woman who will devote herself to his children. That's not you.

He sounds spectacularly dull and you sound refreshingly outspoken. Just tell him it's not working for you. The reason should be obvious by now.