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Breaking it off, do I tell him the truth about why?

110 replies

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 08:54

Been seeing someone for a few months. The very first date he talked about his kids non stop. I thought it was kind of sweet but did find it a bit boring after a while. Anyway I didn’t say anything, second date was the same, talking about his kids non stop from the minute we met until the goodbye. I had tried to change the topic multiple times but somehow it always came back to his kids. After that date he started sending me photos of his kids, first few pics I replied “lovely pics” but he continued sending them and I started ignoring the messages in the end. Eventually he messaged asking what kind of day I was having so I replied talking about what my day had entailed and asked him about his … he replied “oh you are still alive! Haha you went quiet on me! I’m just trying to find you the photos from Christmas of the kids”. I didn’t reply as there didn’t seem to be a tactful way of saying I didn’t want them!

every time we’ve met since it’s been the same … talking about his kids and showing me photos. On the last date I was hesitant to go and he asked why … I said “conversation is a bit of a struggle”. He seemed suprised and said “but we talk non stop when we meet!” And I replied “no you talk, about the kids. It’s nice but I’d like to talk about other stuff”. He replied “oh, you have a problem with my kids 😞” … I knew this would happen, trying to make me look like an arsehole for not being obsessed with his kids. I replied “no, I have kids too but I don’t talk about them constantly do I?” He replied “sorry, but I love my kids”. 🙄 I said “most parents love their kids, me included but I have other interests, you wouldn’t know as you never ask”

Anyway … we agreed to another date with kid talk off the table. We practically sat there in silence.

He’s been texting me ever since trying to talk about other stuff yet he’s still sending me photos of his kids - I’m going to break it off, do I tell him it’s because of the endless kid talk or just say we’re not compatible?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/05/2024 09:29

Definitley end it - the reason is you don't have much in common and you're not having fun,
That's it. No need to mention the kids again, you've said it once and there will likely be a woman out there that loves kid updates and wants to send the same herself so I would focus on the fact that your main needs aren't being met rather than come across as a child hater

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/05/2024 09:30

The hungry hippo about an adult 😂😂

albatrossjoe · 01/05/2024 09:54

Lilacdew · 01/05/2024 08:53

He's looking for a woman who will devote herself to his children. That's not you.

He sounds spectacularly dull and you sound refreshingly outspoken. Just tell him it's not working for you. The reason should be obvious by now.

Just wanted to say this is a brilliant summary!

exomoon · 01/05/2024 09:54

I knew this would happen, trying to make me look like an arsehole for not being obsessed with his kids. I replied “no, I have kids too but I don’t talk about them constantly do I?” He replied “sorry, but I love my kids”. 🙄 I said “most parents love their kids, me included but I have other interests, you wouldn’t know as you never ask”

So he implied you don't love your kids as much and then couldn't think of any thing to ask you, about you or your kids. Arsehole.

I wouldn't tell him you're breaking it off due to the kids, let him do it to the next woman so she sees him for who he is.

Favouritemeals · 01/05/2024 09:57

Why did you keep on going on dates with someone you find so boring and who talks at you, not with you?

Just tell him its not working out and end it.

mjf981 · 01/05/2024 10:05

You've already told him?
No need to do it again. Just a short, sharp, 'this isn't working for me, all the best for the future' and move on.

Mumoftwo1312 · 01/05/2024 10:10

I'm still chuckling at this man who takes photos of his almost-adult kids eating! "Hungry hippos"!

Op please share more examples because it is comedy gold.

In all seriousness though I do know one man (a relative of mine) who is a bit like this - his kids are now mid 20s and both still live at home and he's very controlling of them underneath all the cutesy infantalising.

A pp above nailed it in two words "strange man"

NinaGeiger · 01/05/2024 10:11

I keep thinking about Hungry Hippos and laughing to myself

SecondRow · 01/05/2024 10:19

Do you think he sends umpteen pictures of you, OP, to the kids after each date? 😉

QueenConsort · 01/05/2024 10:21

I have this and thought it was just me being a bitch. He does it about everyone he knows though, it's draining and boring.

I've had to tell him to shut up and I don't care about his sister's friends life story for instance. The kid photo thing was constant until he ran out of photos, I feel your pain.

rainbowstardrops · 01/05/2024 10:28

I thought you were going to say his children were little and they were doing cute things!!!
You've spelt it out to him and yet he's still sending you photos, so I'd cut my losses to be honest.
Also pretty shit of him to say it's because he loves his children. Does he think you don't love yours?

dragonscannotswim · 01/05/2024 11:35

mildlydispeptic · 28/04/2024 08:59

Actually I think the kids are not the issue. He could equally be talking nonstop about golf or his career or whatever. The point is, he's making no effort to get to know you and showing no interest in who you are. Not the way to build a relationship.

This!

Cas112 · 01/05/2024 11:42

I've dated someone like this and it was awful 😂he honestly spoke about nothing else. Fizzled out thank god

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 01/05/2024 11:50

I'd be most worried about what the hell is going to do (and talk about) when his kids no longer want to see him every weekend and once a week, which won't be very long given their ages. Surely they'll be off to Uni/have jobs to go to/have friends they'd rather be with soon?

And then he's going to sadly relive their younger days on a loop. Man needs a hobby, and to stop dating until he's got one.

cerisepanther73 · 01/05/2024 11:52

@ManorLord

He's a boring 💤 😴 fart

No wonder he has had no luck so far on the dating scene,

It's important to be fully dimensional person as a individual and aswell as being an parent not just an appendage like a simese twin joined at the hips type of thing..

You have much more going for you

It's a case of next 🙏 next please

@Createausername1970 has hit the nail totally on the head..

They are allmost grown up for God's sake..

Abeona · 01/05/2024 12:54

'The time has come to say goodbye. You need to find someone truly compatible to move on with: I'm not the right woman for you. Here's hoping she comes along soon.'

LadyHavelockVetinari · 01/05/2024 13:19

I agree that the problem isn't the kid talk specifically, it's that he only wants to talk about what he cares about and seems to have zero interest in getting to know you and your likes. The only person who will ever care as much about your kid talk is the kids' other parent, I'd worry he's trying to find a replacement for his relationship with their mum.

bunsnroses1 · 01/05/2024 15:40

I shouldn’t laugh OP, but it is quite funny. Obviously dump him and if he asks why you can give him your best Princess Di doe eyes and say ‘There were four of in this relationship, so it was a bit crowded’ 🤣

ManorLord · 01/05/2024 17:18

Cas112 · 01/05/2024 11:42

I've dated someone like this and it was awful 😂he honestly spoke about nothing else. Fizzled out thank god

You weren’t in Yorkshire by any chance were you? Surely to god there can’t be two of them 😂

OP posts:
ManorLord · 01/05/2024 17:21

MinnieGirl · 01/05/2024 08:50

What happened OP? Have you got rid of him?

yes ☺️ and I feel so relieved! He said that was fine as he needs to spend more time with his kids anyway 😂😂😂

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 01/05/2024 17:26

FFS - ditch him but tell him why.

LoobyDop · 01/05/2024 17:32

I hope you told him the brutal truth.

ManorLord · 01/05/2024 17:35

LoobyDop · 01/05/2024 17:32

I hope you told him the brutal truth.

I just said we don’t have much in common.

The whole point of me dating a man with older kids was knowing that we wouldn’t have to do the whole child care thing. Mine are independent now … I don’t want to go backwards in life

OP posts:
EveryOtherNameTaken · 01/05/2024 17:41

I'm wincing and pissing myself at the teenage hungry hippos photo 🤣

LutonBeds · 01/05/2024 17:47

Dita73 · 28/04/2024 09:32

Sounds like Peter Andre. Ditch him immediately

Came on to see if anyone had said this 🤣

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