To be gutted that I’m selling my car and giving up on driving

[utuyuutjg]

I’ve had my driving license for around 10 years, and in that time I’ve struggled a lot with driving anxiety, I’ve never driven more than maybe 10 miles away with a passenger next to me, and alone I’ve never driven further than the supermarket. I’ve had 3 different cars and blamed it on each one, well I finally got a perfect automatic car that I absolutely love but I’ve realised it’s never been the cars that have been wrong, it’s me. I can’t shake my fear of driving, even though I can drive perfectly fine.

I’ve put my car up for sale today as I’ve only driven it once this year and it’s just a waste of money for it to just sit there. But I feel so sad and gutted. I’m 30 and it seems too young to be giving up on driving. I’m sad that driving was never a source of freedom and independence it was for my friends, it was just stress and anxiety.

You should not be ashamed in any way.

Teleportation : beam me up Scottie.

You’re anxious because you keep avoiding it. As others have said, I find it hard to say good for you, just give in to the anxiety when driving affords freedom and safety to women to potentially get out of bad situations. To be reliant on the man in the house to drive feels wrong to me. Women can be just as capable drivers as men — it’s a stereotype that they can’t and a misogynistic one at that. Another poster made a good point about these anxieties seem to be predominantly in women. I wish this wasn’t the case. Maybe refresher lessons would help and work at overcoming the anxiety — which comes with actually driving.

Driving regularly is really important as it builds confidence and that's what you're lacking.

No-one should be a cocky driver but you do need a level of confidence to make manoeuvres and share the road safely with others. That will come for most but not if you're driving once in a while as the anxiety just builds again each time.

I totally agree with the poster who said it is a smart, self-aware choice to realise that driving is not for you and to cut your losses and sell your car. Far, far better than to force yourself to get out on the roads when you are very uncomfortable and nervous - that is what makes for a dangerous driver.

You might go back to it later as circumstances change, you might not. But the option is there for you if and when you want it.

Some of the concerns you mention OP will make you a better driver. Everyone should be on the lookout for children and animals running into the road etc. You should never totally bury that concern.

The rest really does go with practice.
Passing your test means that you can safely control the vehicle and have a decent knowledge of the rules of the road. You start learning the rest from that point onwards.

You might want to have this conversation with China and India. You know, the countries you happily buy cheap crap from. Especially China, seeing as they've built more coal power stations lately, because unlike Britain, China doesn't care about looking good on a spreadsheet.

I think women have these anxieties more because they tend to not see themselves as infallible. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing .

I also think men wouldn't actually say they were anxious, they'd make up some other excuse about why they're not driving instead.

I want to know what the more freeing transport options are! Can't afford a space rocket, unfortunately!
Can't ride a bike. Public transport is awful. Trains in particular are stupidly expensive. Rickshaw? Husky sled?

Public transport being awful or not entirely depends where you live.

Erm no there arnt Having a car is the most convenient form of transport obviously

Another vote for CBT. I eventually passed my test at 56. Don't love driving but boy did it come in useful when my DH had a seizure due to a brain tumour and we live in a rural situation. I'm anxious as a passenger too so sit in the back of a car and have trained myself to look out the side window so can't see the idiots on the road my DH is screaming at!

Immediately after my test I paid for a very expensive gym membership in the next village and forced myself to drive there everyday. Finally learnt how to reverse in the gym's car park.

When I first passed I drove around my area at 7am on a Sunday morning, did all the tricky roundabouts from every possible direction and lane. When we went on a longer drive we left early in the morning Satnav on for reassurance even if I knew roughly where I was going, driving back home is always easier than driving somewhere for the first time even with more traffic on the road.

I didn't find owning a car convenient at all. There was always something going wrong, or another bill to pay. Struggles to find parking spaces at home and at work.

I sold the car and bought a bicycle. It was so liberating. Saved me a fortune, and saved me a massive headache too.

There are adaptive bikes and trikes available if you're unable to ride a conventional bicycle. Electric assistance too.

Me too! I actually feel more liberated not driving because I am not stressing about it all the time.
If I had to drive on, say , Wednesday, it woukd be on my mind & stressing me out for the whole of the previous week - this time next week I'll have to drive etc etc.
I couldn't go out & drive more to overcome the anxiety because the anxiety was sky high in the 1st place.
Refresher lessons didn't help either...
All I thought was that I was only ever as good as my last journey & I just had this feeling of "getting away with it."
Now I walk or get public transport everywhere - yes it takes 2 or 3 times as long but its still better than the absolute terror driving induces.

I sold the car and bought a bicycle. It was so liberating. Saved me a fortune, and saved me a massive headache too.

Which is fine, but you cant do the school run with 2 kids on a bicycle, or do the big weekly shop on a bicycle, or go anywhere which involves motorways, or more than about 10 miles from home. If all you're using your car for is very very local journeys, without passengers and without needing to carry luggage/stuff, it might be more appropriate, but for all other uses it is not.

It's great you're giving it another go but I also agree with pp sometimes it's fine to say driving isn't for me. It is a shame it's hard to do but I do have friends who admit they can't drive, it's just not for them, even if they've passed their test.

Honestly I've been driving 20 years, I drive almost daily and I still have to try very hard, have to really concentrate as it doesn't come naturally. I still make mistakes like misjudging distances and parking too far from the kerb or forgetting to get into the right lane. The convenience of driving makes such a big difference to me and my family, I would not just stop, but I don't enjoy it, and I avoid very long motorway journeys. As pp say, it doesn't mean you have to drive everywhere. I still walk or take the bus if it makes more sense, and always get the train if I'm going to a city.

Are you driving a manual or automatic? I find automatics take all the stress out of driving. They’re a thousand times nicer to drive.

I think people get very defensive about driving because it costs a fortune and means they get less exercise. It must feel quite threatening to look at all the downsides and wonder if it is actually necessary.

Not if you want to be able to go out if the area in which you live. So much of this is ‘no need for a car in London’ or ‘my area has great public transport’. Fine. But what if you want to visit somewhere else? Or move to live somewhere else?

It’s not, because I actually couldn’t live the life I’m living without one. I’m nit defensive, that’s just a fact. I’m a supply teacher so get last minute work at a variety of places, often not served well be public transport. I sing in a choir and play in a band, neither of which are accessible by public transport due to where they rehearse. One I could arguably do on a bike, but the roads aren’t particularly safe. Plus I like to visit places and public transport over bigger distances is prohibitively expensive.

You have a very narrow view of the world