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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to accept a great job offer at the company where my ex works?

79 replies

LooneyLoons · 27/04/2024 14:57

4 years ago I was brutally and suddenly dumped by a man I had been in a relationship with for 18 months. We had met at work and I had already left the company when he broke it off with me without a proper explanation. I eventually found out he had left me to start dating another colleague with whom he still is as far as I know. I have since started a new relationship too, but it took me years to recover from the heartbreak of that relationship. At the time it was horrendous. I have never heard from him again nor have I ever bumped into him anywhere since the breakup.

He and his new girlfriend moved to a new company shortly afterward. The company is a top-rated employer in our city and quite a well-known brand. A couple of months ago a recruiter from their new company contacted me to ask if i was interested in applying for a role there. The job is a very senior director role with a much bigger team size and scope of work than I currently in a director role in my current company. Thinking that I was under qualified for the role, I accepted to interview but didn't really think there was a serious chance to get an offer.

Well, I got an offer yesterday and it is great. It is above my already very high compensation and the role is a proper step up in my career. However, I do dread the whole ex thing.

The office is big and there are roughly 800 people, and we would work in different departments but I would certainly see him regularly in the common areas. The idea of bumping into him in the corridors makes me nauseous and deeply uncomfortable. However, I am aware that turning down a great job opportunity for an ex of 4 years ago would be beyond silly.

What would you do? AIBU to take the job and ignore the ex? Is it going to look like I am stalking him? Would you turn down the job opportunity to spare yourself the discomfort?

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDo33 · 27/04/2024 14:59

No I wouldn’t turn it down. It sounds like a great opportunity and just ignore him when you see him.

would be different if it was a tiny company and you had to work together every day.

roses2 · 27/04/2024 15:00

What position are the two of them? Could any malicious gossip harm your new role?

TinyYellow · 27/04/2024 15:00

Congratulations on your new job offer! Take it. Your ex already messed with you once, he doesn’t get to do it twice.

The first time of bumping into him probably will be awkward, but it will lessen every time until it is a non event. You’re probably overestimating how much you would bump into him anyway.

ThreeTescoBags · 27/04/2024 15:01

I'd take it, it'll only be awkward for a bit then it'll just be normal. Couple of times max then no shits given. If you haven't seen or heard from each other in 4 years it'd be a real stretch to say its stalkerish

LooneyLoons · 27/04/2024 15:05

roses2 · 27/04/2024 15:00

What position are the two of them? Could any malicious gossip harm your new role?

He is a manager level in sales and she is a senior manager in operations. I'd be a senior director in marketing, so totally different departments and I'd be senior to both of them (if that is relevant!).

OP posts:
WheresFluffy · 27/04/2024 15:09

First time you see them, feign surprise at seeing them there. Comment that you hope it won't be awkward for them and no doubt you will see them around.
Rise above, they are not important to you now.
Good luck in the new role!

Dweetfidilove · 27/04/2024 15:13

Congratulations on your new job!

He has taken enough from you, so take the job and carry on.

PegasusReturns · 27/04/2024 15:21

Go for it - sounds like an excellent opportunity.

obviously don’t mention to anyone that you knew him, if it comes up respond with a disinterested “we dated a bit years ago”. Don’t allow yourself to be the subject of gossip.

Mamma26252 · 27/04/2024 15:25

Don't take or leave jobs because of people, because people leave eventually.

Work on ways to help you cope when you see him again. After a while then hopefully it will no longer be an issue. And if it is and it's affecting your work or mental health then leave after a year with a much brighter CV.

ivs · 27/04/2024 15:35

LooneyLoons · 27/04/2024 15:05

He is a manager level in sales and she is a senior manager in operations. I'd be a senior director in marketing, so totally different departments and I'd be senior to both of them (if that is relevant!).

Fucking do it!!!

DoThePropeller · 27/04/2024 15:42

Do it. Hold your head high, pretend you don’t remember him 😄

howreyou · 27/04/2024 15:46

I have mixed feelings about this. I wouldn’t seek out a job where my ex and his new partner work and I’d regularly bump into them, as you run the risk of drama at work regardless of you both being in new relationships.

I’m not saying don’t take the job. You will have to be much more logical and tactical than at any other company to ensure you’re not on the back foot. I don’t think anything will pose an issue in the short term, but in the mid/long term there could be issues when the dust has settled. ie if they know you earn more than them or are really successful, it might trigger resentment and dodgy comments/cliquey behaviour.

You need to find a way to get them on side but equally be as boring as possible - they might search you on social media for example, so perhaps make your profile photo of you and your partner. It would be so easy for them to pull your colleagues to the side and spread rumours. You might think they are better than that, but don’t underestimate what people do when they’re threatened

elevens24 · 27/04/2024 15:48

Go for it. I wouldn't let an ex put me off.

Horsemother · 27/04/2024 15:49

Of course you take it, there's a reason why you applied. You could turn it down and discover one or both of them have left in the next few months.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 27/04/2024 15:49

Absolutely take the job, you'd be nuts to turn down an opportunity like that because of an ex of 4 yrs ago.
You've both moved on now.
It may be awkward the first time you bump into either of them but prepare for it.
A nice and breezy "hey, how are you, nice to see you" and continue what you're doing.
You've got this 💪

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/04/2024 15:52

In a company that size would you really see him that regularly? I work in the same building as an ex (different companies but there are only 3 small companies in the building) and while I know he's there because his car is outside I haven't bumped into him in the public areas or car park for months and months.

I say go for it anyway. You'd kick yourself if you turned it down and then he left the company in a month's time.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/04/2024 15:53

You’d be nuts to that down. Dont be nuts! Take the job op. You’ll be ace.

thepmforever · 27/04/2024 15:54

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BruFord · 27/04/2024 15:55

Congratulations, go for it! As PP’s have said, it’s not a tiny company, you’re in a different department and you’ll barely see either of them.

The fact that you’ll be more senior than him is an added bonus. 😈

thepmforever · 27/04/2024 15:56

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JadeSeahorse · 27/04/2024 15:56

ivs · 27/04/2024 15:35

Fucking do it!!!

My thoughts exactly!

Personally - I must be a malicious cow -
I would love the opportunity to move into a company and be way senior to shitty ex.🤣

thepmforever · 27/04/2024 15:57

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JustMarriedBecca · 27/04/2024 15:57

LooneyLoons · 27/04/2024 15:05

He is a manager level in sales and she is a senior manager in operations. I'd be a senior director in marketing, so totally different departments and I'd be senior to both of them (if that is relevant!).

That's totally relevant 🤣

I'd do it. First time might be awkward but the fact you'll be on more money than him and her put together (hopefully) should help ...

thepmforever · 27/04/2024 15:58

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thepmforever · 27/04/2024 15:59

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