to accept a great job offer at the company where my ex works?

[LooneyLoons]

4 years ago I was brutally and suddenly dumped by a man I had been in a relationship with for 18 months. We had met at work and I had already left the company when he broke it off with me without a proper explanation. I eventually found out he had left me to start dating another colleague with whom he still is as far as I know. I have since started a new relationship too, but it took me years to recover from the heartbreak of that relationship. At the time it was horrendous. I have never heard from him again nor have I ever bumped into him anywhere since the breakup.

He and his new girlfriend moved to a new company shortly afterward. The company is a top-rated employer in our city and quite a well-known brand. A couple of months ago a recruiter from their new company contacted me to ask if i was interested in applying for a role there. The job is a very senior director role with a much bigger team size and scope of work than I currently in a director role in my current company. Thinking that I was under qualified for the role, I accepted to interview but didn't really think there was a serious chance to get an offer.

Well, I got an offer yesterday and it is great. It is above my already very high compensation and the role is a proper step up in my career. However, I do dread the whole ex thing.

The office is big and there are roughly 800 people, and we would work in different departments but I would certainly see him regularly in the common areas. The idea of bumping into him in the corridors makes me nauseous and deeply uncomfortable. However, I am aware that turning down a great job opportunity for an ex of 4 years ago would be beyond silly.

What would you do? AIBU to take the job and ignore the ex? Is it going to look like I am stalking him? Would you turn down the job opportunity to spare yourself the discomfort?

I'd definitely take it!

Definitely do it.

Don't go seeking him out, but also don't pretend you don't know him. Just say "hello, how are you doing blah blah" when you first meet him. Act like you have totally moved on and don't give either of them the opportunity to think differently.

Good luck.

Absolutely take it! Perfect retribution. And, practice your strut. And, make sure you strut the shit out of those those communal areas!

This. Congrats. Well bloody done on landing a cracking role.

I agree with everything everyone else is saying, but reading this The idea of bumping into him in the corridors makes me nauseous and deeply uncomfortable. makes me wonder what impact this is going to have one you?

Are you able to ignore those feelings or will that seriously impact on your emotional wellbeing and mental health every day?

Take the job and good luck

Don't let him still affect your life .. take the job and the fact your In a higher position is the cherry on the cake ..and if you bump into him or her .. put on your brave face and act like it was a long time ago ( which it is ) and hold your head high.. if anyone is going to feel awkward it's gonna be the new girlfriend

Absolutely take the role.
You would be senior to both of them and ask yourself this, would any career driven man ever not think of taking a role because some ex worked there?

Sounds like a great career move. And THAT is what's important here.

I wouldn't stymie my career for this. I understand that they both work there, and I don't think it would unreasonable maybe to go and see someone for a couple of sessions to discuss your dealings around it and strategies for when you inevitably to run into him/ them but you won't be the direct manager to either of them, and it doesn't sound like you will have much impact on each others roles, so I'd do it

I think the fact that you would be senior to him is very relevant - this saves your dignity. I’d take the job. It sounds like a great opportunity for you, you’ll be in different departments so you won’t see him or his partner much and after four years you can just style it out; act like he’s no more to you than someone you used to know - because that’s probably all he thinks he is anyway. Good luck!

This with bells on 💪🏼 Well done!!!

If you've not seen or heard from him in 4 years how do you know if he still works there? Or if he still with the girlfriend?

I like this. If anyone ever finds out, brush it off as a very casual thing. Hardly more than friends really. You lost touch years ago and you had no idea that he was working there, and it’s not something that you ever give much thought to, especially as you have no professional contact with each other either. It’s irrelevant.

If you see him, I’d smile as though you’d never met him before, say good morning and keep walking.

And then, very secretly, you bloody revel in the fact that you’re doing better in your career than he is in his, and that he will be squirming each time he does bump into you.

I agree with this. If, everyday, you are going to be impacted by these horrible feelings l would be concerned for you. Work has to be a comfortable place . It's a fantastic opportunity but the most important thing is you are happy in your job and looking forward to going in everyday.
Two things that might make it easier: book some counselling now where you can offload some of the thoughts and feelings as they arise. And decide..now you know how capable you are..that if it is an awkward situation going forward that you will only use it as a stepping stone to greater things.
And, as someone already said, you might see this guy and think..what did l ever see in him??
All the very best with it.

I hope you take the new job, you deserve it.

Perhaps the ex will feel humiliated and uncomfortable by your more senior position and find a new job.

OP must have looked them up.

I think reframe it as a win.

youe ex hurt you badly. But you’ve come out on top, and can enjoy the feeling of having forged ahead, kept your career going and are now appointed in a post senior to him.

you can glow with success around him if you bump into him. Casual wave, bright and breezy, ‘oh yes how are you getting on? Sorry have to go important meeting’ big smile.

you’ll be great.

Exactly this. A man wouldn't give anything like this a second thought.

I’d take the role. I doubt he would even be thinking about it now as he has a long term relationship. I would think everyone’s moved on and it’s a big company.

Go for it. Congratulations x

I am still connected to both of them on Linkedin since we initially met as colleagues, so I occasionally see updates from them. I am not sure they are still together tbh, but a mutual acquaintance mentioned them last year (as a couple) so they were together at least until last year.

I genuinely don't keep tabs on them, we live in a small-ish city and we have a lot of mutual acquaintances so it is normal to occasionally hear their names in conversation even without asking.

My hope is that in time I would get used to it and it wouldn't impact me so much. I think the first few encounters would definitely be stressful for me.

Yep as long as you’re the most senior in the situation I’d be turning up and smashing it and being fabulous and letting them be your junior and feel uncomfortable!

Bloody do it!!! And you'll be incredible at your job! You earned this, now take it!!