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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to accept a great job offer at the company where my ex works?

79 replies

LooneyLoons · 27/04/2024 14:57

4 years ago I was brutally and suddenly dumped by a man I had been in a relationship with for 18 months. We had met at work and I had already left the company when he broke it off with me without a proper explanation. I eventually found out he had left me to start dating another colleague with whom he still is as far as I know. I have since started a new relationship too, but it took me years to recover from the heartbreak of that relationship. At the time it was horrendous. I have never heard from him again nor have I ever bumped into him anywhere since the breakup.

He and his new girlfriend moved to a new company shortly afterward. The company is a top-rated employer in our city and quite a well-known brand. A couple of months ago a recruiter from their new company contacted me to ask if i was interested in applying for a role there. The job is a very senior director role with a much bigger team size and scope of work than I currently in a director role in my current company. Thinking that I was under qualified for the role, I accepted to interview but didn't really think there was a serious chance to get an offer.

Well, I got an offer yesterday and it is great. It is above my already very high compensation and the role is a proper step up in my career. However, I do dread the whole ex thing.

The office is big and there are roughly 800 people, and we would work in different departments but I would certainly see him regularly in the common areas. The idea of bumping into him in the corridors makes me nauseous and deeply uncomfortable. However, I am aware that turning down a great job opportunity for an ex of 4 years ago would be beyond silly.

What would you do? AIBU to take the job and ignore the ex? Is it going to look like I am stalking him? Would you turn down the job opportunity to spare yourself the discomfort?

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 27/04/2024 16:00

Definitely do it. I'm so happy that you are in a higher position than them! I would say don't do it if you were going to be a junior to either of them but as it is then absolutely go for it and huge congratulations.

Oblomov24 · 27/04/2024 16:01

You are over-invested. You know too much about him, why do you even know that he and his new gf moved to the new company soon after.
Let this go, take the job, type above this. Greet him either way a professional nonchalance.

Zanatdy · 27/04/2024 16:19

Take the job, things have moved on for you and hey, you’re senior than them both so walk in with your head held high

Cerialkiller · 27/04/2024 16:22

DoThePropeller · 27/04/2024 15:42

Do it. Hold your head high, pretend you don’t remember him 😄

Genius! Or kind of half remember him. Struggle to place him then call him by a different but similar name. 'Oh hi! Greg right? Oh sorry Gary!'

loobylou10 · 27/04/2024 16:27

Don't you dare turn it down!

xSideshowAuntSallyx · 27/04/2024 16:36

I did something similar, I fear he'll find out eventually (if he hasn't already) but the job was just too good to turn down. I'm doing really well in it. I'm lucky that he works off site and I work from home or head office so will probably never bump into him.

OrigamiOwls · 27/04/2024 16:38

Sounds like an excellent opportunity, go for it!

BruFord · 27/04/2024 16:56

Have you seen your ex since the break-up, OP? Different scenario, but I bumped into an ex at a mutual friend’s wedding (total surprise, turned out that my friend was friends with his gf) and I realized that my feelings for him had disappeared. I was incredibly hurt when he ended our relationship and like you, it took me a long time to recover.

But when I met him again, I realized that he didn’t mean anything to me anymore. We had a friendly chat and that was it.

grinandslothit · 27/04/2024 16:58

Of course, take the job! Just pretend that you don't remember them if you run into them in the hallway.
You'll be senior to them and a director and you just don't have time for such nonsense. You don't even have to acknowledge them really.

Didimum · 27/04/2024 17:00

Don’t you dare let a stupid bloke limit your opportunities, OP!

Greywitch2 · 27/04/2024 17:01

Take the job, for goodness sake. It was 4 years ago and I would be briskly professional if I had to speak to him at all, but be very clear that I barely remembered him and certainly never gave a thought to him nowadays.

Ohnobackagain · 27/04/2024 17:08

@LooneyLoons if he wasn’t there would you take it? If the answer is yes, don’t let him being there change that. He might be leaving anyway.

SacreBleugh · 27/04/2024 17:08

Please don't turn the job down! Hold your head high and OWN the space. For what it's worth I used to work in an industry where because of the late nights/long hours /high adrenaline, there were a lot of messy relationships in the building. Just keep forging forward.

Starseeking · 27/04/2024 17:18

TAKE THE JOB!!!

However you feel inside, be bright and breezy if/whenever you see him/her, eventually you'll feel that way each time your paths cross.

I wouldn't mention old times to anyone, or that you'd had a relationship previously.

Congratulations on securing a great role!!!

littleburn · 27/04/2024 18:09

I'd 100% take the job as it's a great opportunity. I'd stay on my white horse and totally blank the ex and his partner, whilst being quietly smug that I was senior to both of them. It's 4 years on, you've lost a cheat and gained a senior directorship. You're the winner here!

craxy · 27/04/2024 18:12

@LooneyLoons

He is a manager level in sales and she is a senior manager in operations. I'd be a senior director in marketing, so totally different departments and I'd be senior to both of them (if that is relevant!).
Oh this is VERY relevant 😂🙌🏼

craxy · 27/04/2024 18:15

@Cerialkiller

Genius! Or kind of half remember him. Struggle to place him then call him by a different but similar name. 'Oh hi! Greg right? Oh sorry Gary!'
Christ no. Don't do this. This is serious cringe. They dated for 18 months ffs. Of course she'd remember him. It will just make her look incredibly weird abd insecure and not over it and very very embarrassing

woodlandtrees · 27/04/2024 18:21

Take the job !

Senior position!

Karma 🤣

BananaLambo · 27/04/2024 18:22

If the sexes were reversed there’s no way a man would turn down such a great career opportunity. Totally go for it, OP. Hold your head high and be proud you’ve been offered such a great job. If you see him you only need to be polite. Head up - you’ve moved on - and you deserve this.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 27/04/2024 18:25

Ah come on - it would be so stupid of you to turn down this job! Congratulations.

Tel12 · 27/04/2024 18:26

Are you going to spend your time looking for them? Avoiding them? Is it going to stir up the past?

Haydenn · 27/04/2024 18:28

Congratulations!!! Take it. I wouldn’t allow my pocket or career development to be impacted by the fucker

sonjadog · 27/04/2024 18:31

Of course I would take it. I don't let anyone hold that kind of power over me, especially one who is no longer part of my life. Do you think if the tables were turned he wouldn't take a job because of you?

idreamoftoddlersleepytime · 27/04/2024 18:32

Crack on. You will be above them in the pecking order, they are not going to make trouble for you, and the power dynamic will flip in your favour. It does matter, because they are not going to be able to talk you down or get in your way. Really, it's worse for them than it is for you.

BobbyBiscuits · 27/04/2024 18:32

Take the job. You can't let the fact someone dumped you dictate your career trajectory.
You say there's 800 of you there, and he's in a different team. I'd say unless you went out of your way to see or speak to him it would be very unlikely you'd need to even cross paths in the canteen.
You've both moved on. He was a knob, but not an abusive stalker. Just forget him and focus on this fantastic new career opportunity that you totally deserve.

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