to accept a great job offer at the company where my ex works?

[LooneyLoons]

4 years ago I was brutally and suddenly dumped by a man I had been in a relationship with for 18 months. We had met at work and I had already left the company when he broke it off with me without a proper explanation. I eventually found out he had left me to start dating another colleague with whom he still is as far as I know. I have since started a new relationship too, but it took me years to recover from the heartbreak of that relationship. At the time it was horrendous. I have never heard from him again nor have I ever bumped into him anywhere since the breakup.

He and his new girlfriend moved to a new company shortly afterward. The company is a top-rated employer in our city and quite a well-known brand. A couple of months ago a recruiter from their new company contacted me to ask if i was interested in applying for a role there. The job is a very senior director role with a much bigger team size and scope of work than I currently in a director role in my current company. Thinking that I was under qualified for the role, I accepted to interview but didn't really think there was a serious chance to get an offer.

Well, I got an offer yesterday and it is great. It is above my already very high compensation and the role is a proper step up in my career. However, I do dread the whole ex thing.

The office is big and there are roughly 800 people, and we would work in different departments but I would certainly see him regularly in the common areas. The idea of bumping into him in the corridors makes me nauseous and deeply uncomfortable. However, I am aware that turning down a great job opportunity for an ex of 4 years ago would be beyond silly.

What would you do? AIBU to take the job and ignore the ex? Is it going to look like I am stalking him? Would you turn down the job opportunity to spare yourself the discomfort?

Congrats on the job offer! Landing a great opportunity is always worth celebrating, regardless of the company or who else works there. It sounds like you've weighed the pros and cons and decided this job is right for you, which is fantastic. As for working where your ex is, well, life's too short to let past relationships dictate our career choices. As they say, don't let the past hold you back from a bright future! Plus, who knows, maybe this is a chance for both of you to show how mature and professional you can be. As for me, I believe a "Sarkari Job" sounds intriguing, but ultimately, it's the job itself and the opportunities it presents that matter most.

As much as I want to say do it, the thought of bumping into my ex every day makes me feel physically sick, and I don't think it would be good for my mental health. It also would impact my relationship a little, as my partner would be very aware and upset that I would potentially be bumping into someone who hurt me so much on a regular basis. My ex would also take every opportunity to spread lies about me throughout the workplace.
That being said it was an abusive relationship, which has resulted in my now 20 year old being left with an absent father who pops up a couple of times a year, so obviously has longer lasting implications than your situation- just wanted to say I can see why you are hesitating when you have so many 'go for it' posts. Have a serious look at how this might affect you mentally too, whether you think you will be okay after the initial few weeks of anxiousness and uncertainty have passed.

I think you’ll be surprised how little you see him. 800 employees, the rise in WFH, different departments…you could go months without seeing him. Don’t turn it down, he might have left for all you know, he might be planning to leave, they might be planning on making him redundant.

If and when you do see him, look surprised, smile and say ‘Hi Jack, good to see you’ and walk on.

Take the job!

You can cope with seeing the ex. After all, you don't want to be with a man who shows no respect or kindness for someone who loves him. He's revealed poor, weak character and you have already risen beyond that.

Plan how to behave. Be civil and a little cool, not frosty, if you see him.