to ask you about different types of privilege women can have? e.g slim, educated

[pepperandapples]

Just that really - what are the different types of privilege that women can have that make them more or less privileged than other women?

e.g able bodied, wealth, education, slim. What else is there?

is height one? how about hair colour and accent etc?

I am trying to understand

@MuggedByReality @AsMyGranWouldSay

I tagged you as your posts resonated with me.

I changed username for this. I think we need to be much more nuanced when in comes to “privilege”. I believe that lack of privilege can be invisible.

i grew up without a mother, was severely bullied as a child, subject to sexual abuse by a close relative I trusted, thrown out of the family I had when I tried to tell them about the abuse, working extra from the age of 15, hospitalised for eating disorders and self harm.

I still struggle to trust people, I struggle to form close relationships and I don’t really have any with the exception of my children and to some extent my husband and my best friend, otherwise I cannot allow someone too close in as the rejection if they turned on me would be too painful. My husband is currently undergoing cancer treatment , we hope for the best.

if you met me, you would consider me privileged as I am white, educated (grew up in a country with free education and one single teacher who believed in me) and I appear very confident. The superficial confidence is something I have worked incredibly hard to project.

I do understand that I have white privilege and educated privilege. But in all discussions, I feel that I am supposed to only listen as I am perceived to be at some stupid top of privilege. I would never talk about my background and my struggles in real life. Nobody outside our core family knows about my husband. Only my husband and my best friend knows about my childhood.

To me, having a mother whilst you grew up, to have a family that cared about you, to be able to eat without feeling shame and the urge to vomit and to be able to form close relationships is something I find privileged. But I would never open up about this as I survive by appearing confident. This means that all discussions about privilege becomes very one sided - and some days I struggle with listening to people I envy talking about my privilege. Other days I really listen and I do want to learn.

i just wish there was an understanding that not all lack of privilege is visible.

🙄

I so agree! I am tall, slim, educated and white. I have just done one of the "check your privilege" quizes on line, and this is the result

You're underprivileged. The world is not a fair or ideal place and you know that because you grew up with several identities that the world is not kind to. You had a lot of challenges to overcome simply to get on a level playing field with most people in the world. It is not your job to educate the world about its injustices, but if you choose to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help.

There are others, but I always score as underprivileged, as do my sons if I answer for them, both of whom are slim, educated and white, and one of whom is also tall! I don't think they would do the quiz themselves, they are less naval gazy than that

This is the one I did https://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/how-privileged-are-you

Hello! Yes I’m under 5 foot too. And I see 5ft. 4 as average not short! Difference of experience between 5ft 4 and 5ft 8 probably isn’t much.
but there is when much shorter.

I also can’t drive certain cars. Seat belts sits in the wrong place even at lowest adjustment.

Try getting taken seriously at work if you are blonde. Or slim, pretty or have big tits. Or a combination of all 4. Nobody thinks you might also have a brain. What they do think is that you are a blonde bimbo who got your promotion by shagging your way there.

Hardly a privilege to be thought of like that, is it?

I got ‘you are not privileged at all’.

@Namechangedforprivacy21’s post really resonated with me, about how lack of privilege can be invisible.

Despite being white, blonde, slim and apparently attractive, my life has been pretty awful. For various reasons I didn’t start secondary education until I was in my late 20s, to name one adversity, and am miles behind my peers. I recently got a degree and things are starting to improve, but it’s still very difficult. Most people wouldn’t guess because I’ve mastered the art of hiding it, and don’t talk to people about my past. I rarely get close to anyone anyway. I work hard to appear confident as I can’t bear the thought of appearing vulnerable or being pitied.

Tara Westover is white, slim, blonde, attractive and has a PhD. But if you read her book ‘Educated’ you will see how little privilege she had, and how hard she had to fight. She’s a big inspiration to me.

I really hate this trend for putting people into boxes so they can be divided and shamed.

"In a global context, one of the very biggest "privileges" or advantages you can have in life is to be an educated citizen of a wealthy, fairly liberal (ie not dictatorship) modern peacetime country with developed infrastructure. Bonus privilege points if the main language is English."

I agree with this 👆 100%

On a lighter note, my short person privilege means never have to worry about full overhead lockers in a plane. Putting my rucksack below the seat in front creates a handy footrest.

@sheoaouhra @TwelveAngryWhiskers it seems that there are a few of us out there. Sending you both lots of sympathy. I scored “you are not privileged” - I think that everyone who knows me professionally and everyone who usually participates in these discussions would assume that I am very privileged.

i really agree with the not wanting to be pitied view. I survived my childhood and my teenaged years by not allowing myself to see myself as a victim. I still push away a lot of what I went through to the back of my head just in order to be able to keep moving and functioning. Not allowing anyone to get close is a way to be able to continue doing that.

i also disagree with putting people in boxes and to simplify things. Life is almost always too complex. I am happy to listen and to keep educating myself about privilege. But I would really encourage everyone who like to discuss this to consider that their other forms of privilege (living parents, never tried to commit suicide, no sexual assault, no hospitalising eating disorders, never went to bed hungry) may together mean that they have significantly more intersectional privilege that the person they are educating. And that the person they are educating may be too ashamed or too traumatised by their experiences to tell them.

Me too. I think there are a lot of factors at play though which is where the privilege comes in (or doesnt). It is really depressing watching them throw opportunities away though. And then those same children will complain that teachers have it in for them because they try and make them stop pissing about and do some work.

I think the biggest privilege I had was a state education that was free (including grants to live on) until I was 23. I understand now that I had many, many choices that other women do not get, such as being able to choose not to marry and not to have children (fine if you want these things but they are ONE choice and not inevitable). I have chosen how I want to live my life and who I want and do not want in it. Few women get so much choice.

That’s only a privilege if you want to procreate. High fertility is a curse if you don’t.

In the 1950's, perhaps...

high fertility = higher chance for pregnancy, even when religiously taking birth control pills. 9% of women fall pregnant while on the pill. And if a condom breaks, again higher chance of unwanted consequences.

I have no idea what my fertility levels are like, being a lesbian who’s never wanted kids, but I feel very privileged to live in a country where I don’t have to find out.

Well, I'm not in denial. I've spent my entire life starving myself, alternated between bulimia and anorexia from the age of 11 to 30 and over exercised to the point of injury. I did a food related degree as I figured I was always on a diet so may as well study what I was familiar with and taught food and nutrition to a-level for 15 years. At 45 I was diagnosed with a genetic progressive disease called lipoedema which by that point was at stage 3, and it means that I have litres of non metabolic fat hanging off my arms legs and abdomen that won't move without surgery. The NHS don't treat it so I've spent circa 15k on liposuction just to be able to move in old age. If I never eat again I'll probably die before I get slim so can we please all stop it with the 'it's a choice, anyone can be slim' shite because it's simply not true. Anyone still spouting that rhetoric is clearly lacking in intelligence never mind privilege 🙄.

Being slim is a choice any one can make .people choose what to put into their mouths and the quantity of it . It's not a privilege it's a decision.

Do please read my post above and the explain to me how I have a choice over the fat on my body. I'd be interested to know what you suggest!

I think it’s different if you have a medical condition. I’m overweight but I was obese. I could say there were multiple factors in my lardiness. Exhaustion, depression, business. However I just don’t think I prioritised my own health.

I think the majority of people could be slim, it’s an effort though, temptation is all around and it’s easier to be fat.

@TheSnootiestFox that sounds absolutely horrifying, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

However, the reality is that that is not most peoples experience. The majority of people absolutely could lose weight if they could, a simple matter of calories out versus calories in.

But sadly, I don't get to wear a t shirt everyday that says 'I'm not fat, I have lipoedema.' I mean, some women actually do but that's not for me. I just put up with the being treated like I'm thick and don't control what I 'put in my mouth', as a pp so eloquently put it. Unless you've been here, you cannot possibly realise what a privilege it is to lose weight by just cutting out chocolate or wine for a few months.

I’m overweight, but when I dress up (E.g. for work or the odd event) I like the way I look, so I’m very confident.
That confidence translates to privilege, as being confident somehow works on everyone else thinking a) I look lovely, b) I have something to say and c) that I’m a genuinely nice person (I also work extra hard on that part and am mindful to be lovely to everyone)
When I was younger, I didn’t do those things, but then I realised that my demeanour mattered, so practised, hard, to smile, to initiate pleasant conversation with others, to give compliments - and receive these with grace, to dress better and to work on my posture.
The difference between myself at 30 and now at 60+ is light years apart as a result.
OP, love yourself - then see how differently you are treated💐

There's also medications that can very quickly make people put on weight that's impossible to shift without coming off them. I've seen thin people become morbidly obese within a matter of months as a result of taking olanzapine, which in many cases isn't even a choice because they're under section or a community treatment order. Things like steroids can also make people gain a lot of weight.

The teeny tiny fat shaming posters are out in force 🙄

They are. It makes you wonder why they’re so insecure that they feel the need to do it.

They make it clear they are sickened by fat people. But I am still confused as to why it disturbs them to the extent that it does.