Re something teacher said to ds

[Mindovermatter247]

DS16 came home from school today in a weird mood, usually on Fridays he’s in a fantastic mood b3cause he hasn’t got school for the next 2 days. He started snapping at me, I asked what the problem was and he asked why we chose to go to Thorpe park this weekend when his GCSEs are soo close. (We are going this weekend) he’s not got his first exam for 2 weeks and I told him he can still have a life around his exams. I did and I did alright. Theme parks are his safe haven, he’s autistic and they are his obsession let alone his hobbie. I asked why he didn’t want to go, he told me he was talking to his friends about it and a teacher told him he shouldn’t be going out to places like that this close to his exams. I pressed him for the name of teacher and he said he can’t remember, he knows I will be calling school otherwise as they have made several monumental fuckups over the years and we have them by the balls, but in an attempt to calm DS down back whilst doing the mocks we asked that no teachers mention about how important they are as he was getting extremely stressed out to the point he was threatening not taking them at all among other things. He has an EChP plan, and we have just got him back to a better place where he’s not as aggressive, he’s working with us to better his studies, so he can prepare. Actually shown an interest in his actual real exams. Aibu to think teachers shouldn’t be telling kids what they can and can’t be doing outside of school. I feel like if teachers keep saying stuff like this too him they are going to undo months of work we as parents and the dedicated SEn support have put in to get home this far. DS hates lying, he’s very forwards and blunt so I’m inclined to believe a teacher has said it, he just refuses to tell me who.

You seem like you're on some sort of mad power trip against the school.

You do realise your son would be a lot better support if you work with them instead of against them?

You're taking him on holiday in the middle of his exams too?

Blimey.

I think the poster was pointing out that the OP could have done even better with a bit more revision.

How exactly do you think you have them by the balls ? Because a teacher tried to explain the importance of studying ! I can assure you you do not have them by the balls you will be that parent that complains all their time and makes their job a nightmare. You probably have no clue how they go out of their way for your son and you pick on everything. Work with the school and stop treating them like the enemy it will be much nicer for your son after all. His scared to tell you who it was that speaks volumes

You sound unhinged and incredibly aggressive. No wonder teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

And it is odd to have big jolly trips time sapping trips and holidays prior to or smack in the exam season. You’ve got literally months to do that after mid June.

🤣🤣🤣

He’s embarrassed by you kicking off
And a holiday in May half term ? Seriously ????

😂

There are plenty of children that do need to be told they should be focussed on their exams during the exam period and while it might not be what your son needs to hear, the teacher can’t ask him to leave the room every time she needs to say something so simple to the class. I expect they are also being told that they should have rest time too and should try to sleep and eat well.

This has only hit your son hard because you are going against the obvious sensible advice and going on holiday in the middle of the exams. If you weren’t making it so much harder for him to stay in exam and study mindset, the comment could have reassured him that he was doing the rights things.

It sounds like you are focussing on what the school are getting wrong and not appreciating how hard they are working to support your son. Even when you mentioned the good SENCO you had to get in a dig about the useless one before.

Every teacher is not going to get it right every time and honestly, this teacher probably reacted out of shock that your son was going to a theme park right on top of exams.

Given your laissez faire attitude towards DS’s exams compared to the high maintenance mama you’ve been previously, I think this will be the talk of the staffroom.

This would mean in every class your son is in the teacher cannot mention the importance of exams, or they would have to ask your son to leave for two minutes while they do and then invite him back in. I’m in my 30’s I can remember all our teachers in year 11 advising against holidays and big days out near exams as we needed time to revise and to be well rested. It isn’t a shock he performed poorly in his mocks when he has been brought with little value given to education.

The most worrying thing is that he doesn’t feel safe talking to you.

Sorry but I lost any sympathy when I read your 'balls' comment.

I've been teaching for 26 years. I know exactly what type of parent you are; so, it seems, does your son

Gosh. He's a lucky chap to have such an easy-going mother. You're clearly very good at reducing his stress and anxiety from your end.

And so when they tell the rest of the class, and your son is present...how does that work exactly?

My kids have exams and I tell them that rest and relaxation are important. Absolutely. 100%
I'd raise an eyebrow at a full on full day out at this stage though.

I'd say it sounds as though it might be that your son is interested in doing well in his exams and feels maybe his Saturday with a couple of weeks to go might have been more appropriately used.

You need to change your utterly abhorrent attitude towards your son's teachers incidentally.

And I think that you "having the teacher by the balls" may well turn into the school saying to you on results' day: well, what exactly did you expect? Given you actively encouraged him not to study appropriately.

Yeah this, why does the whole class have to revolve around your son?

Whether your child needs to study or have a fun day out is up to you and him. You know bestow to help him manage anxiety. But for god sake how can you be angry with a teacher for suggesting a kid studies before exams.

Think back how many times as a teen adults say things and you say yeah yeah and disregard? You should be studying, I hope you aren't on your phone, fizzy drinks are bad for you etc. If he is in mainstream school he needs to understand these are not always direct instructions but suggestions. That's probably hard for him and your job is to help him interpret, not interrogate him and try to complain to the school.

Christ, poor teachers.

Downtime is very very important, but a day at a theme park is long and tiring. It'll mean no study on the day itself and then probably poorer quality study the next day due to tiredness. Downtime this close to the exams would usually be lower key, shorter activities like a walk, coffee out, cinema etc.

The mocks are important.

Everyone has assessment styles that they get on better or worse with, in most cases ND is a reason for extra resources or accommodations, not skipping the assessment entirely.

It's entirely possible that your son is trying to tell you that he doesn't want to go on the trips that you have planned. I found it really stressful when there were family obligations around my exams and I couldn't revise. Maybe listen to your son rather than threatening his teachers.

Thorpe park being a 'safe haven'. I've heard it all now.

it also not good to over prepare for exams. I did my studying for exams the night before and I came out with a’s and B’s.

So you want the school to understand that your son is an individual person with his own needs that might not align with everyone else's and treat him as such whilst simultaneously declaring that children shouldn't over prepare and because you got reasonable results only studying the night before that should be fine for others?

So individual needs until its your opinion then its everyone's the same? Interesting.

I think a lot of posters here are willfully misunderstanding you when you said the teachers shouldn't put individual pressure on your DS about what he should and shouldn't do in his weekends. They clearly don't have SEN kids and they don't understand that they unwind in a different way, and maybe Thorpe park is a perfectly appropriate or relaxing way to spend time before exams.

My child is an lot younger but we have to be SO careful about language because the wrong words can set him back and you are constantly tip-toeing around them - some people think you are indulging them too much, but all the effort you out put in can be undone very quickly. The word school was a trigger word for us for months and months, so we just didn't use it until his anxiety alleviated.

I do agree with some who say that your focus should be on settling his anxiety rather than targeting the teacher. Maybe speak to the SENCO quietly about the damage bad advice can have.

The correct response to this would have been something more like 'Yes, I can see why a teacher who didn't know you might say that, but we know that fitting in relaxing things between your school work actually helps you to do better in exams.' Try to minimise, rather than escalate.

Absolutely. You getting stressy and pushing him to name the teacher made things worse. This would have been the perfect response.

Also things were very different when we did our GCSEs we had coursework you could take in texts. It’s very different now. Plus you and he may have different revision methods. Your comments about benefits of “night before” revising and not over revising are really irrelevant and unhelpful.

Dd gave up her Saturday job for GCSEs and has again for a levels. Just heard her get back now from her friends house after staying over there last night to start revising by 10. They need to be working now.

I don't think anyone is willfully misunderstanding here. The OP is taking her son out to a theme park AND has a weeks holiday booked right in the middle of the exams. I think it is quite clear that she is intent on doing her own thing and is all set to blame the school if he fails. Clearly exams are a pushover as she only required one night's revision to get top grades.

All teachers in all schools will be telling students how important it is to revise right now. Of course they will also be telling them the importance of relaxing and taking breaks. Neither of the activities the OP has prepared are short, relaxing times to chill.

YANBU to be upset about the comment.

YABU to react like you did and escalate his anxiety and situation, instead of reassuring him .