Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

That’s because women set up services for women fleeing domestic abuse, gay men set up services for gay men fleeing abuse, but straight men - didn’t bother.

There's not nearly enough for everyone.

And the truth unfortunately is that if more of the existing beds were allocated to male victims than female victims then more female victims would die because women are far more likely to be killed.

But services are not just run and funded by the groups they serve. The often receive local and community funding.

"They didn't bother" sounds like victim blaming too. Like saying women who were abused before the first female shelters were opened had nowhere to go because they didn't bother.

So would it not be better to provide more support for everyone???? And to believe all victims equally?????

That is pure emotion, their is no reasoning behind that. I could say the same about a man killed by his wife.

Because the support is still not enough. Two things can be true at once:

1. support services for female victims needs to be better.
2. we need to treat male victims of abuse better also.

No emotion, just fact.

There aren’t that many men killed by their wives and a significant proportion were abusive themselves.

Right, so stop twatting on about female privilege. It’s only a thing in the minds of men on the internet.

But it’s women and gay men who perceived the need for these particular services lobbied for them and set them up - that’s how they got funding.

Men do need to get better at reporting female abusers, but that I suspect is due to outdated views that men cannot be victims.

The reason why Gadd's series is so good is because hopefully it will encourage more men to report toxic women. He admits failing to do this himself.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202104/why-male-stalking-victims-do-not-report%3famp

outdated views that men cannot be victims

Said no-one on the thread.

I think that's partly because male victims have often been to ashamed to come forward against toxic women. Hopefully the Gadd will encourage others to do so.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202104/why-male-stalking-victims-do-not-report%3famp

I think the suspicions that Gadd's story is a hoax stems from that view. My own opinion though.

So let me ask you straight.

If both a male and female told you they were being abused, would you treat both equally???

I'd hope you would. But I suspect some here would not sadly.

It’s because straight men, who have not been in an abusive relationship themselves which is most, are simply not interested.

What a stupid question.

Sounds like victim blaming to me. Id say the evidence shows it's more to do with feeling judged or not believed. Most of the stories I've read about male victims who did eventually come forward often say it took them longer because they felt they'd be more harshly treated.

Well would you????

Would you??
Because to me it sounds like you'd definitely think the man had it worse

I would treat both equally.

Would you????

Sounds exactly like how most women feel, fear of being judged or not believed.

Would you believe a man as much as a woman???

I am going to put my head above the parapet, and say no, I would not believe a man over a woman.

This is based on my experience, and the experience of those around me and the media.

The current question doing the rounds on social media 'would you rather your daughter be left in a secluded Forrest with a bear, or a man' and everyone answer I have seen has said bear. Do with that what you will.

Feel free to lambast me.

I know that men have a hard time being believed, but so do women. We are told we dressed wrong, we were in the wrong place after dark, we should have left him, we shouldn't have led him on etc.

Less than 5% of reported rapes of women are convicted. Two women a week are killed by men known to them in domestic disputes.

These stats are not the same for men.

I have been one of the biggest supporters of Gadd on this thread. But it is very disingenuous to put the two sides next to each as the same. Because they are not.

What a shame this thread has ended up as this, I was enjoying the debate we were having about the show.

And that's an example of the "female privilege" I'm talking about. They should be treated equally.

This is why I think Gadd's work is so important.

I respect your honesty at least.

Please explain how that shows female privilege.

Has a male victim ever been asked what he was wearing? Has he been asked why he walking a certain path at night? That they were leading their perpetrators on?

Are two men a week killed domestically by women?

As I said I am a big supporter of Gadd telling his story. But his story isn't going to convince me that what I've said isn't any less true.