Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

Yes he can tell his story how he likes.
But
He insisted he did not want her to go to court in real life, because he felt she was clearly mentally ill and let down by the system. Yet has opened her up to hatred from all over the world.

He could have told the story is different ways, not played himself etc etc. He made very deliberate choices. And his current career is entirely based on this experience. He is either stunningly naive or deeply unsavory. And yes, I did watch it, when it was first out. And thought it was a great piece of film making. But if I was looking for something to watch now and hadnt seen it, I would avoid it given the questions about him and his behaviour.

She’s also got 2 FB profiles now. The second one she’s made up has Martha as her middle name.

Does anyone have a link to the FB page of the "real Martha"? I just saw some press on a 58 yr old woman saying she's the real victim and I'd like to see it. I think it definitely sounds like the same person.

This is exactly my point. It's like a surreal case of meta-stalking.

Did Martha stalk Richard? Yes

Did Richard stalk Martha too, in a way? Probably

Are members of the public now also engaging in stalking Martha?

I understand your point but Victims/ survivors don’t have to choose ‘the best way to solve the problem’ though. His ‘problem’ was that he was raped. That won’t ever go away or be solved, he can own it however he sees fit.

It’s not up to you or society to decide what the best way for a survivor to react is.

@GameOfJones You clearly don't understand what "stalking" entails, in terms of reality or the legal definition. A bunch of silent strangers looking at a FB page is not engaging with thousands of emails to an individual. There's a huge difference. Its morbid curiosity and its tasteless, but its not "stalking"

I tell jokes about being raped but didn't report it. I'd not be impressed if someone accused me not fixing the problem. It's not a problem to fix, it's a real life trauma that was inflicted on me by someone else.

Anyway, the creator of this show did report it to the police.

Oh sorry, he reported the stalking, not the rape. My mistake. Anyway the point stands: it's his story and his life, not an abstract problem.

That is definitely strange to me because as I said I was stalked for years. I know we do weird things when traumatised. I just don't see WHY he felt the need to leave everything exactly as it happened - all you have to do is google the hanging curtains tweet and it's right there. Plus the fact that he clearly feels safe enough to do this when I would run a mile from anything that presented a risk of it happening again. And the aspect of saying one thing in interviews and doing another feels manipulative and that there's more to the story.

I have been reading replies and people do have interesting takes on it. Want to say I'm not coming from a confrontational place or trying to railroad anyone into seeing it a particular way.

My point was that he chose to report the woman and not the man.
The woman is now being stalked because he has effectively outed her, not the man.
He is now making money from the fact she has been outed yet the rapist has not faced any backlash or legal repose. He is free to continue abusing others while men in the comedy circuit are mistakenly subject to suspicion because Gadd has chosen not to out the man.

You aren’t him though. He’d already done the stand up show while she had a restraining order against her so he’s broken that taboo. It is about reclaiming power over the stalker and regaining sense of self but also getting the confidence to talk about a very difficult issue. Something that should be more out in the open, better understood with better protection for victims and he campaigns on that separately from this. There is a lot to unpack and well done to him for doing it.

I think this is it. We all feel different. None of us have been in Richard Gadd’s position, being offered this Netflix opportunity. Who knows what we’d do?

you come across as interested and curious, btw. Not railroading at all.

I actually think its genius. If she kicks off again then there's an entire fan base watching her every move. Not so discrete anymore, she will be called out over every public message.

His girlfriend nailed it when she told him he loves drama and attention. No sympathy from me.

I know I never would because it'd be too scared of the man that stalked me. No amount of money would make it worthwhile and the attention itself would be re traumatising

Men in the comedy circuit are subject to suspicion because of the fucking rapist that did it, not because someone told their story.

He’s not asking for sympathy. He doesn’t portray himself in a particularly sympathetic light and that’s part of it.

But we don't know which bits are true and which aren't. It's a really dangerous negligent show to have made for that exact reason as other ppl have said

I have sympathy for anyone who was raped. It's a devastating thing to experience.

And he admits this. It’s literally part of the show. Also, girlfriend in italics isn’t clever.

Surely it's also a question of evidence?
In this case he had thousands of emails and unwanted contacts to prove stalking.

Historic rape cases are notoriously hard to get to prosecution

And as shown in this case especially hard if you don't behave 100% like people expect a rape victim too.

Like many of the women that came out against people like weinstein, he had a confusing relationship. Any defence will say but you went back and worked with him again, you contacted him etc

I (like lots of people) have reported some crimes but never my sexual assault for similar reasons

I get that. I feel that about my rapist (father to my children.) I guess I just meant that I don’t actually know, because it’s never been on offer. I didn’t mean to downplay anyone’s experience or make out money is healing. I’m emotional and not being my best right now. I’m so sorry that was done to you. It must have been horrific.

Even if a fraction of what she did is true I feel zero empathy on those actions being made public knowledge. You cannot go around harassing individuals and then hope that its not really acknowledged because you are not a acting in a significant enough manner to be classed as a stalker.

@RespiceFinemKarma do you know how traumatic and difficult it is to report a rape? To be questioned? Shamed? To have your character picked apart? I can fully understand why he didn't report it and it's nothing to do with the fact this his stalker was female and his rapist was male.

I think he came across as a knob. And has used the story and Martha as a way to make a name for himself.

You do realise he wrote that line about himself, right? He wrote the script. He chose to shine a light on the part of him that loves attention because he wanted a true and raw reflection of his experience.

Genuine question from your use of italics - is there a transphobic agenda against him here?