Starting to get a bit disappointed in people's comments about how our baby looks

[Sevendayhigher]

This is a bit of a silly post but six months in, it's starting to bother me...

I ADORE the way our baby looks, but we're told by the same couple of people time and time again that he looks EXACTLY like DH. That's not the part that bothers me - it's their opinion at the end of the day even though neither me nor my DH see it (comparing baby photos, he 100% has my face, and it's obvious because my DH and I look very very different, but that's besides the point.)

What bothers me is this. The same people who say that our baby looks identical to DH again and again are the ones who consistently brag about the fact that their baby looks identical to themselves. And no, I don't mean they just say their babies look like them, I mean they actively say things like 'I'm so lucky, he looks exactly like me!' or 'I'd be so annoyed if anyone said he looks like my DH!' or 'He has nothing of DH in him, it's all me!' and even 'I'd feel like just an incubator if he didn't look like me!'/ 'I'm so glad he looks like me now, I felt like I wasn't his mother at the beginning!' One of them even said they were furious when a family member suggested that their son was starting to look like their DH.

It's striking me as a bit tone deaf to talk about how dreadful it is for your child to look exactly like your DH while also constantly telling me that mine does?? Just wondering if anyone had could relate. It's such a silly, petty point in the grand scheme of things but it's driving me a bit nuts haha. It's not the people themselves, as I know they mean well and they're genuinely lovely, it's just this specific thing that's making me go a bit crazy!

I wouldn't get annoyed by it as you see what you want to see. I.e. husbands family will see their features and wife's family see her features. Our youngest is the spitting image of me except when he's sitting next to his dad and then I notice how strikingly similar they look.
Be thankful they do look like your husband because if they don't, you have all kinds of extra shit from people you need to worry about!😜

TBH I couldn’t get worked up about this. People often said that very little dd1 was ‘just like her daddy’ - I could never see it, or other resemblances people remarked on.

OTOH when dd2 was just born, she looked exactly like a granny of mine when she was very old and hadn’t got her teeth in. 😂

They all sound like complete knobs @Sevendayhigher

These 'friends' sound like their lives must be very small if this concerns them so much and it's such a frequent topic of conversation. I'd suggest finding more interesting and kinder friends. You don't have to stick to the ones who were assigned to you by NCT.

People tell me quite frequently that my son looks like me. He doesn't. He's donor conceived. I've 100% felt like his mother from the moment the test went positive. He's the mosy beautiful baby in the world to me and I'd never want a different one, even if it could have my DNA. If one of them has struggled to feel like their baby was theirs it sounds more like a PPD issue than who they look like. Perhaps suggest they speak to their GP or health visitor.

Maybe they think your husband is the better looking one? Who cares at least they didn't say it's the milk mans

You need new friends.

A baby is not a trophy. A baby is a tiny minature person with a unique mind, personality and attributes.

I don't honestly understand what someone is actually trying to boast about when they say their baby looks like them. Presumably both parents contributed 50% DNA to the new life?

Why are you even joining in their game and wanting to be recognised as a doppelganger for your baby?

Just enjoy your baby.

Dying 😂
exactly what the CF deserves too 😂

I’m glad mine looks just like my DH and not me and she’s a girl! Kindly OP but I’d let it drop and just ignore all comments and not engage. They aren’t going to say it forever, trust me. Also, for some reason, I think only three people have ever said about who my baby looks like. People really don’t give a shit in my experience.

My MIL used to piss me off (she still does 20 years later cos she is nuts) when she said a few times about our son "when you are going to look like a Green?!" (our surname) My husband got fed up with this so said somewhat tersely "does it matter" and she thankfully then stopped saying it.

My MIL used to bring photos of herself as a child to show how much my daughter looked like her. Everyone, including my husband agreed, except my mum and friends of my mum (who didn’t know MIL) and thought she looked like me. I had twins, and the general line on my son was that he didn’t look like anyone (I’ve always felt he looked like my dad). I look back and think why on earth did I take it to heart but perhaps a mix of hormones and insecurity as new twin mum it really affected me to the point it contributed to bonding issues with my daughter - I felt for a time she wasn’t really mine and that my MIL had somehow claimed her. I even started to think she’d inherited MIL personality. I think people need to be really careful what they say to new mums. I’m sure all this will blow over for you but I can understand why it’s niggling - do try to ignore it and not take it to heart! Also kids change over time and morph into lots of different versions of themselves, it’s like alchemy!

We had 4D scans done of both our sons at 28 weeks. I immediately saw their dad both times as did our family and friends so I had this months before they were even born. They were born and eldest was just his dad all over but when the youngest was born he came out and looked like me. A few people thought he was another dad double but none of this bothered me. I’ve even had relatives claim they looked like my grandads who I never met and I found this lovely that people see different family members in your children. My eldest 13 years on is still his dad and the youngest has somehow morphed into his dad and my sister and I was told by an elderly aunt at the weekend that I now look a spit of my mother when I am constantly told I’m like my dad. My sister still looks like the Spaniard an Irish descendent found washed up on the beach and married 🤣

Really really weird comments, I've never heard anyone so invested in who their DC looks like. Definitely one for a passive aggressive comment. Maybe if they say he looks like DH again, say something like "Gosh, do you think? I never look at him in that way really, they're just their own little people aren't they! Not copies of us but I suppose it must interest some."

My ds is a teen now, but he's always been my double. My features look better on a boy, so he's doing OK. Weirdly, he also looks just like dh did at that age. But then we're apparently attracted to people who look like us.

Wow, why are they so keen for the babies to look like them? Are they all actresses/models? I find it quite vain to be so desperate for baby to look like yourself… my daughter looks more like my sister in law than she does me (and she’s not blood related!).. we joke we brought the wrong baby home as facially she’s not like either of us…. Although she is the dead spit physically of her father, and has inherited sporting talents Off him too…
When they make daft comments I’d say ‘why would you have a baby with someone if you don’t like how they look enough to want baby to look like them?!?
My mum ALWAYS went on about how much our DD looked like her dad…. I’ve literally never seen it, and even as a teenager she’s nothing like him.. strangers say ‘oh you can see you’re mother and daughter’….. but I can’t see that either!

Have your baby photo at the ready and get it out whenever they say anything. That should do it if, like you say, he looks like you.

“Yes, you must be so glad your child doesn’t look like your DH- thank god mine’s handsome.”

”At least DH knows he’s the father!”

I’m joking but if you’re feeling ballsy, it might stop them commenting in future haha

My 10 month old is his dad’s twin, everyone comments on it but nobody suggests it would be awful if their child didn’t look like them - who are these weirdos!? And I definitely don’t feel like an ‘incubator’ but I do feel like a slave/maid to my mini sultan- which is possibly worse 😆

Tell them to shut it

Evolutionary wise, babies look like dad so dad recognises it as their child.

Boris Beckers child Anna for example!

I think these women are deep down a bit peeved their kids don't look like their partners, for this reason. So they're over egging it to make themselves feel better.

Mine looked like their Dad when born but now look so much like me I've genuinely been freaked out when I saw them at the top of the stairs!

I always thought mine was actually a cross between Roy Kinnear and Bill Murray. Which says a lot about my childhood film choices more than anything.

He looks a lot like me now. The only person who tries to push the paternal lookeylike line is my MIL, and even she's given it a rest now (it took years tho). Weirdly though, I thought he looked like my husband's Dad when he was born and since seeing pictures of him when he was younger, the resemblance is very striking between FIL and DH. So there maybe is some truth to it. I actually think my MIL was relieved to see the resemblance, lord knows what she thinks I've been up to.

The trouble with this is people often say "but look at this pic, they're my double!" and they really aren't. But they believe they are. I see it on FB a lot and just slide away quietly, thinking no, they're just both babies. That's what you're seeing. Not always, but it happens frequently enough that I think we're programmed to think it. I've also had teachers tell me they 'knew I was with my mum because we're so similar' when I'm stood there with my stepmum, ha. Particularly funny when the art teacher says it.

Anyway, OP - I understand if you need the mum company but you don't have to meet up with them all. My NCT group were a nice bunch but I don't really speak to any but one now. Still say hi if we see each other. It's not forever.

My DC1 looks like both of us which I like - something for everyone!

DC2 (DD) is absolutely identical to DH but with my hair - she looks like DH in a wig. Weirdly PILs never acknowledge this - they always say she looks like me and I find it weirdly offensive, like they aren’t acknowledging her as theirs, or they don’t think she’s cute or something? It’s so bizarre. I’ve done side by side photos with her and DH’s baby pics and you honestly couldn’t tell them apart, and they will persist in saying she looks like me.

Anyway I think this all just shows that people are a bit thick about stuff like this and it really doesn’t matter. If you can’t just brush it off then why not say you find it annoying (in general terms) when people go on about who babies look like, and see if they take the hint.

It's silly power play to make them feel superior. Just rise above it.