Starting to get a bit disappointed in people's comments about how our baby looks

[Sevendayhigher]

This is a bit of a silly post but six months in, it's starting to bother me...

I ADORE the way our baby looks, but we're told by the same couple of people time and time again that he looks EXACTLY like DH. That's not the part that bothers me - it's their opinion at the end of the day even though neither me nor my DH see it (comparing baby photos, he 100% has my face, and it's obvious because my DH and I look very very different, but that's besides the point.)

What bothers me is this. The same people who say that our baby looks identical to DH again and again are the ones who consistently brag about the fact that their baby looks identical to themselves. And no, I don't mean they just say their babies look like them, I mean they actively say things like 'I'm so lucky, he looks exactly like me!' or 'I'd be so annoyed if anyone said he looks like my DH!' or 'He has nothing of DH in him, it's all me!' and even 'I'd feel like just an incubator if he didn't look like me!'/ 'I'm so glad he looks like me now, I felt like I wasn't his mother at the beginning!' One of them even said they were furious when a family member suggested that their son was starting to look like their DH.

It's striking me as a bit tone deaf to talk about how dreadful it is for your child to look exactly like your DH while also constantly telling me that mine does?? Just wondering if anyone had could relate. It's such a silly, petty point in the grand scheme of things but it's driving me a bit nuts haha. It's not the people themselves, as I know they mean well and they're genuinely lovely, it's just this specific thing that's making me go a bit crazy!

Look on the bright side then. You'll probably never see them again after maternity leave.

Please say this. And report back.

I used to get this when my DD was very young,mainly from her dad's family. It was strange because all my friends and family always said how like me she looked! I think it was just sour grapes on my exH's family's part.

Just ignore. People say stupid things. If it makes you feel any better, DD was a lovely looking baby and you wouldn't believe the number of people who commented to my face, "Wow, she's just beautiful. Does she take after her dad?" I would just leave a small pause in the conversation until they realised the implication of what they had just said and started to backtrack 😂.

What does it matter as long as baby is healthy? Just shrug it off.

Perhaps having been irritated by one or two comments of that sort (i.e. the combo of "your baby looks just like your DH" and "I'm glad my baby looks like me") you have just become over-sensitised to this type of comment and are misperceiving it as being more common than it is.

Part of my reason for thinking that is that to me it seems a bit weird for people to feel gratified that their baby looks more like them than like their partner. I can't imagine many people feeling like that.

At any event, it is not something to care about. People are just making conversation, saying any old thing, probably in an attempt to be friendly

My kids were born in the 90s. Daughter was a spit of her Dad, Son just like me and their temperaments the same. Flipped gender babies. To be honest it has remained the same through their lives! Does it matter though? My hubby and I still love each other because of our differences ( together for 30+ years) and we mixed our kids up perfectly genetically. Don't worry about all the talk. It means nothing in the long run.

My kids all look like my husband - it's like I'm a cloning machine that only provides enough genetic material to round off his super strong DNA!

I don't care though and if anyone said they'd be sad if they were in my shoes I would struggle to give a shit.

Unless you think they're being malicious, I think this is one that you have to ignore - maybe they don't see the connection between their attitudes and what they're saying to you because they know that they're weirdly shallow and they're giving you credit for being a bit more sensible and robust.

Next time they say ‘he looks so much like his Dad!’ You should lean in, look around and say in a hushed voice ‘I’m amazed you think that because I’ll let you in to a secret…my husband isn’t the Dad. Don’t say anything but I’ll fill you in another time’. And then grab the buggy and trounce off. That’ll shut ‘em up.

You guys are making me laugh with your responses! Thanks for making me giggle 😂

Does this really happen a lot? I'm not doubting you-but could it be that you just feel a bit fragile and sensitive so a couple of insensitive comments have really hit hard.

Yes, @Sevendayhigher some people do HAVE to comment on who a baby looks like. As the poster I quoted said, the father of the baby's family always have to say the baby looks like him. It's to verify/convince themselves that he is the father! 😆

Just ignore them OP. Or just ask them 'WHY do you keep saying this, EVERY time I see you?!'

I have one child who looks and behaves exactly like her dad and another who looks and behaves exactly like me.
Funnily enough, I find the one like him easier to cope with and he finds the one like me easier to cope with.
I wonder what your pals might think of this. I can imagine it might blow their tiny little brains.

I think you're absolutely right, I am sensitive about it at this point so it's probably a bit of a double whammy - but I promise you, every single week one of the ladies fully says something along the lines of 'I am SO happy he looks exactly like me!'/'If someone says he looks like DH I'd be so angry because what am I, just an incubator?'

But obviously as many of you have said, it's basically not a problem and I'll just try to laugh it off next time - I just thought I'd have a bit of a rant honestly!! 😂

Just sounds like the inane chat people make when they can’t think what else to say. No one cares what or who your baby looks like. New mums are tired and talk shit, just shrug it off. Who cares how they look; they aren’t an extension of your identity, they are their own separate person.

Say something like - well, it's a good thing your baby doesn't look like it's father or the postman might get a shock on his rounds in the morning.

I’ve said a few times to new parents that their dc looks like one or the other. Didn’t realise it was a no-no and offensive…..

The only person who INSISTS my DD looks like DH is a "friend" who really wants kids and hasn't been able to because her DP won't agree to it yet.

She also went on how fat I looked pregnant... But I think it's jealousy tbh. Everyone else says my DD looks just like me (which she does). I think competitive mothers are probably saying it to you to to be nasty/out of spite

It's not at all :) It's only that a few people I know keep saying how awful it would be if their child looked like their DH, which they say mine does frequently haha

I think sometimes people just feel the need to talk all the time, and so they end up saying silly things.

You could always say, "Oh yes, if my husband looked like yours I wouldn't want my kids to take after him either, LOL!!!"

I think family often want children to look like their side of the family, often it's years before a likeness is actually obvious. Until then it's a lot of doesn't he look like his dad/mum at that age. Colouring can be more obvious, swarthy, blond, red haired, blue eyed, brown eyed, but these often change or mellow.

I'm glad my DD takes more after my DHs family in looks!

Some people don't think before speaking. Also it's surprising what a difference hair can make. Ds1 was always a carbon copy of dh. Then when he was 15 he started growing his hair. Now he has hair right down his back and he looks much more like me. I try and tame my hair and prefer it as straight as I can get it. Ds1 wears his in its natural wild state. Ds2 looks like me. Ds3 and ds5 look identical to each other and similar to both dh and my dad. Ds4 looks a bit like both me and dh but he mostly looks like other children who have the same medical condition as he does. Ds4 loves it when we go to the clinic or zoom meetings and see other children who look similar to him.

My DD was the spitting image of Dad for most of her first year, I heard it non stop,
In the past few months she's suddenly morphed in to a little me, so now I get the opposite and like to say it's because she's walked off all that chub