Starting to get a bit disappointed in people's comments about how our baby looks

[Sevendayhigher]

This is a bit of a silly post but six months in, it's starting to bother me...

I ADORE the way our baby looks, but we're told by the same couple of people time and time again that he looks EXACTLY like DH. That's not the part that bothers me - it's their opinion at the end of the day even though neither me nor my DH see it (comparing baby photos, he 100% has my face, and it's obvious because my DH and I look very very different, but that's besides the point.)

What bothers me is this. The same people who say that our baby looks identical to DH again and again are the ones who consistently brag about the fact that their baby looks identical to themselves. And no, I don't mean they just say their babies look like them, I mean they actively say things like 'I'm so lucky, he looks exactly like me!' or 'I'd be so annoyed if anyone said he looks like my DH!' or 'He has nothing of DH in him, it's all me!' and even 'I'd feel like just an incubator if he didn't look like me!'/ 'I'm so glad he looks like me now, I felt like I wasn't his mother at the beginning!' One of them even said they were furious when a family member suggested that their son was starting to look like their DH.

It's striking me as a bit tone deaf to talk about how dreadful it is for your child to look exactly like your DH while also constantly telling me that mine does?? Just wondering if anyone had could relate. It's such a silly, petty point in the grand scheme of things but it's driving me a bit nuts haha. It's not the people themselves, as I know they mean well and they're genuinely lovely, it's just this specific thing that's making me go a bit crazy!

I cannot fathom caring whether my babies look more like me or my husband. I couldn't muster up an emotional reaction to that if I tried.

Clearly I'm the weird one here, as there's plenty of people here who seem to understand OP's POV, but I just don't get it at all.

Weird comments, but not offensive to say a child looks like his/her parent. I think I'd be more offended if they said your baby looks more like the milkman than your DH or something like that.

Both my babies look their dad - my eldest is a spitting image and it annoys me sometimes! Yes, people will joke and say “ha you carried the baby for 9 months - you must be pissed off they look nothing like you!” - I agree and also accept that it’s abit if humour.

Who does your baby look like? Are they wrong? They might not be. If they are then point out a feature that belongs to you as a come back.

It sounds like banter. If it’s hurtful maybe tell them.

I was at a bus stop waiting with 8 month old DD and a random old lady said to ex "Oh you couldn’t deny her could you? She's the image of you!"
After we split up another random old lady at a bus stop looked pointedly at DD and then at me. "Oh. Is she yours?" I replied yes.
"Oh... well you just look at her beautiful little face and then look at you and the two just don’t add up... I like your make up though".
Because clearly goths wearing black eyeshadow can't have beautiful babies of their own...
She's 12 now and I've been a lone parent since she was 1 but fucking hell that one still gets me angry. Dad complimented. Mum judged. Because of course 🙄

Everyone said ours looked like dad as babies and me as they got older.
I think it's just that babies look like dad when they have short hair and less chubby cheeks and like mum as they grow and get fuller faces etc.

It's passive-aggressive one upmanship really...let me guess you have something the women in question want, so they've decided to go all competitive on you

(a one-sided competition, mind. As you don't know).

But you will never find out what their problem is, as they won't tell you directly.

If you bump into them at school they will be starting loud unwanted conversations about how they could NEVER cope with a child who wears sparkly hair bobbles it looks terrible and will damage their IQ.

(knowing full well there's a mum within earshot who does this).

If the group has positives and the trade off is worth it, stay, otherwise detach.

At best they have terrible social skills. At worst they're nasty.

Me and my friend had babies and used to either swap prams and got constantly told the baby that wasn't mine looked like me or I had both and went along with people who thought they were twins etc, but I realised years ago people spout random shit constantly. It's pointless pleasant meaning interaction between strangers that I am never great at . But believe life is better with these interactions. Won't be long before we can't acknowledge anyone without risking offending them so enjoy it while it lasts

My kids are mini clones of their father. You wouldn't even guess we were related. It doesn't really annoy me, I make a joke of it most of the time about my weak genes. However as eldest DS gets older he is 100% me in personality and he has lots of freckles like me which I love.

It's really OK to move on from an antenatal group if they are weird or annoying you. I found one group with each of my kids that I absolutely loved but went to some horrific groups full of really unpleasant people. The only thing you have in common is that you happened to have babies around the same time.

Ugh I hate these comments too.
I get told my DD1 looks like my SIL. Now, respectfully, saying that is a massive insult given how SIL does not look after herself well and wasn’t blessed on the looks front.

assholes

My sons as babies and small children looked exactly like their dad. As young men they still look just ike him. Somebody actually thought the oldest was adopted as a baby when they saw us together! I can see aspects of my personality in both of them but the oldest really has my very daring mother's personality. I looked like my mother but with a completely different personality, much more like my father. It's just the luck of the draw.

My husband gets this about our adopted two, they are technically biologically related to me, they’re not to him and they’re a completely different ethnicity! I’m the same ethnicity to them, but when we’re all together as a family people will tie themselves in knots to say they look like him, we enjoy how much people make themselves squirm doing this.

Well chances are, it's going to look like one of you.

Or my DH view that they all look the same!

People make conversation. My DS was such a clone of his dad that it was funny-and my dd didn't look much like either of us but has red hair like me so people always comment on how alike we are. There's not much else to say about babies to be honest!

Try to ignore - they are just making empty conversation on a subject matter they don’t think is controversial. That being said, I usually say “oh he/she looks like such a mix of the two of you” to friends’ babies in order to avoid this particular minefield!

I think they protest too much OP. If things like who the baby looks like matters so much to them, they may secretly be disappointed that their kids look nothing like their father, so are over egging it. They may be the kind of people who buy "I love my Daddy" babygros. As a pp has said, we all know who the mum is 100% but you can never say the same about the father in theory. I think they would have been beaming with pride if they could say "ooh he's just like his Daddy". I don't get it myself but that's the vibe I'm getting from these interactions.

I thunk it's strange for them to find it offensive that their babies look like their dads. Surely they think their partners are attractive? When they start off about hating it I'd just say "Why is that? Is his/her dad not very attractive?" 🤣 I'd add a pp's response and say "I know I'm so lucky - I have a gorgeous partner and now a gorgeous baby!"
I find it odd - I'm vaguely interested in whether my children look like me but it's not something I'd desperately want for them. I know they're my children. I don't need some sort of proof.

I think it's just a thing to say when introduced to a baby; there isn't much you can sincerely say about a small baby because they mostly don't look very distinctive until their features develop, but it would feel rude not to respond in some way.

I feel you OP

My ex (thank God) MIL once crouched down to my newborn DS and said "he really doesn't get anything from you does he?"

She was vile then and still is. My ex left just before DC2 was born and she's had very little to do with them since.

Get new friends.

There are biological reasons why new babies tend to look like their dads. In the cave dwelling days it was important that a man could identify with the child and go out hunting and gathering to provide for the child and the mother. As they get older they tend to resemble both parents.

they're genuinely lovely - are they?

'Your baby looks just like your DH!'
'I would be furious if someone said my baby looked like my DH!'

Maybe - I think you'll come across further mask slips as you go though. First comment fine, I wouldn't be offended - but the second from the same person, odd.

They sound crackers. That's all there is to it.

Our eldest is the spitting image of his father, who has strong family features. We have 4 generations of photos where his family members all look alike, including DSs daughter.
When comments were made that he didn’t look like me, I always said it was just as well that I was at son’s birth. Although I do see some of my family features in him.
People do make silly comments, sums them up really. Rise above it and enjoy your family.

People see what they want to in babies. I mean, accordingly to MIL, my baby has the features of everyone in her family. I'm not even sure I contributed here.

My MIL used to really piss me off by insisting that Dd was the spitting imager if her dad. She was really pleased when she found a baby photo of him which "proved" it. I was hormonal and pissed off, but now both kids look much more like me. Their features will keep changing so just try to shrug off the thoughtless comments, look bored by them, don't react...

A great number of them look like Chairman Mao!