Do you send failing asd kid to private school?

[Pippy2022]

Have a little dilemma. I can only afford private school for one kid.

Do you send the non-academic (1-2 yrs behind), dyslexic, autistic child to a non-selective supportive private school (Y7+) so she has the 'best' possible start in life (IF private school let's her in....she is atrocious at any sort of tests). She is more straightforward and less overwhelmed than child no.2.

OR do you send next child who is also possibly autistic but is bright. This child may pass 11+ and go to a good grammar. However, this child is very emotional etc and would benefit from a smaller classroom.

Which would you choose?

I wouldn't pick just one.

Most private schools are not great with additional needs. I would pay for specialist tutors starting from an early age as this lessens the likelihood of needing long term help later.

Be careful. Most private school s are not great for sens.

I think it would be divisive to pick one, and I also agree you need to be careful in assuming a private school is better for SEN. Getting an EHCP, choosing a good state school and paying for extra help may be a better option.

Save your money and spend it on tutors, occupational therapists etc as needed by both of them.

I wouldn't choose.

If I couldn't send both I wouldn't send any. It's likely to cause resentment in later life. If instead invest the money in additional supports in the form of tutoring and therapy for whichever child needed them.

Private schools of the traditional kind with entrance tests are generally not good with Sen.

You need to choose very very carefully if you have an autistic child who is behind and you want them to go private.

Agree with the majority.if you have that kind of money, use it to benefit both kids as their needs require it

In your circumstances, I'd do this. Spend money on additional tutors that you can carefully select, who really connect with your child. And maybe on some therapeutic help to overcome overwhelm or social anxiety to set them up for secondary school.

I would be realistic that you may have to home school. Find out about alternate provision in your area including medical unit.

Get the EHCP ball rolling if you haven't already. Be prepared to fight for what they need.

The private school caters to autistic and dyslexic needs so would be ideal for child no 1.

Child no 2 going to a grammar would presumably be 'unfair' on child no 1 who isn't bright and will lagg in a state school.....

I would do whatever you have to do to provide the best for both. I am in a situation where what is right for my children looks drastically different, because one is NT and a high flyer, and one is ND and struggles.

They are different. I can’t push them through the same funnel of experiences and education, it wouldn’t be fair, the ND one couldn’t remotely cope, and can’t benefit from various things that my NT child excels at. What I can do is do the absolute best by each child, ensuring that what’s provided for each is what works for their particular needs.

Would a selective grammar be the best fit for an 'emotional' child op?

Both your children need ehcps, do not think because one is more academic that she needs less help. I was that brighter sibling that was sent to grammar school. (My younger sibling went to specialist) I failed at school and consequently life and jobs ever since and my sibling who got the support he needed because his problems appeared more openly then mine now holds down a £40,000+pa job with a house, wife and 2 kids. My problems started aged 12 after a year at grammar the social burn out and masking became just too much, I'm now late 30s and I still struggle

I don’t think going to grammar is unfair compared with state as it is essentially just selective state. I’d be careful though: do you really think grammar would suit your second child? Most of them are highly pressurised (obviously it depends on the area you’re in)

Grammar school is competitive and pressurized so would it suit your child who needs a more gentler environment ?

I wouldn't send either, I'd use the money for tutoring, therapy or enrichment

And I wouldn't choose grammar though to be honest I've never been in a grammar school area

This

CanaryCanary
Save your money and spend it on tutors, occupational therapists etc as needed by both of them.
I’d agree with this too

OP I am (potentially) doing this. DS is probably more similar to your other child. Dyslexic, very bright, and unhappy in his disruptive class. Dyslexia was missed and his diagnosis has been through a private assessment. He passed assessments for 2 schools and is moving to one this year (he's 10).
Younger child (7) is very academic and loves her school. We may not be able to afford to send her. But if we do, it will be for secondary only (DS is moving in upper primary as this feels like a move we need to make sooner rather than later).
It's a risk we are taking. The alternative was to send neither child and that felt unfair on DS who would clearly benefit.

I would also be concerned that your younger bright child may well have needs that haven't been fully understood yet (could possibly be masking?) and then your decision becomes even more difficult.

I think I would be planning on both children needing support and therefore spending your limited funds on getting really good ed psych reports etc. so that you can secure good quality EHCP's if necessary so that your children are supported in mainstream.

I would also be looking very carefully and talking to the SENCOs and heads at different mainstream schools and joining local parent groups so you get an understanding of how different schools support SEN. Certainly where I live there were ones I was told to avoid (this advice was from a very good CAMHS professional).

My eldest DD(11 ASD couldn't cope in a small mainstream) is at a private school (not traditional, no exam, small and nurturing), my youngest DD (9) will likely take the 11+ and hopefully go to grammar school. They are very different people with very different needs.

Couldn’t agree less. My ASD child goes to a very academically selective private school and thrives cause there are lots of kids like him. Quiet, bookish, a bit geeky. Being brainy is a good thing, not something to be bullied for. And due to the high number of ASD kids, ASD traits are accepted and celebrated.

What country are you in?
If it's England or Wales and you have EHCPs for the children then they won't be going to secondary via the 11+ you'll be naming it via annual review.

It's hard but if you can prove that the independent is the only school within a reasonable distance that can meet the child's needs then that will be funded for you.

Kick off the EHCP process if you haven't already and get both children assessed for what their needs are. You don't have to choose between them.
I have two kids both with very different needs and EHCPs