Do you send failing asd kid to private school?

[Pippy2022]

Have a little dilemma. I can only afford private school for one kid.

Do you send the non-academic (1-2 yrs behind), dyslexic, autistic child to a non-selective supportive private school (Y7+) so she has the 'best' possible start in life (IF private school let's her in....she is atrocious at any sort of tests). She is more straightforward and less overwhelmed than child no.2.

OR do you send next child who is also possibly autistic but is bright. This child may pass 11+ and go to a good grammar. However, this child is very emotional etc and would benefit from a smaller classroom.

Which would you choose?

This is non selective school where you sit a 1 hour paper that you can't 'fail'. It's just for the school to get an idea of where you are. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to consider.

OP you need to rethink everything here and bone up on how SEN education works. You can buy your way through it to some degree by commissioning your own reports which then contribute to a shit hot EHCP and amazing provision.

Just putting this out there but is it TCS?

I have no experience with ASD but my DD has a learning difficulty plus mental heath issues and a chronic health condition and we transferred her to a non selective private school just so she could be in a calmer and more relaxed environment with small class sizes.

She is due to take GCSEs this year and will most likely only manage to get mainly level 3s and a couple of 4s if she has a good day but we don't regret our decision one bit. The school has been extremely supportive in arranging for her to have extra time and access to a quiet room for exams and have provided loads of addition 1:1 tuition in the run up to GCSEs.

DS is bright and did very well at state grammar so we never felt the need to justify sending DD private and him to state.

TCS? Nope.

Do most asd kids have ehcp? Because she is mainstream I haven't thought about all this (evidently).

Most EHCPs are in mainstream. And most EHCPs are for neuro divergence.

Agree totally - horses for courses etc

I have 3DC, 2 youngest ASD. Middle one struggled big time after Covid and was failing (yr8). We found a brilliant private school near us, v nurturing, small classes. We have had to remortgage but it’s the best decision we made sending him there.
we had family meetings before hand with all dc, didn’t make decision lightly.
it also had to be the right school, there are some v academic schools near us where he would have struggled with the pressure.

3 years later he’s about to sit GCSEs, he’s predicted 6/7 rather than the 3/4s. He’s also a much more confident, happy child.

the other 2 mock his ‘posh’ uniform and fancy lunches (as siblings do), but we’ve always been v open with them about decision.

How old is child number 2? What if she doesn’t get selected for the grammar school?

This is a really difficult decision but just to flag up our local grammar is vast and has dire pastoral care so we have chosen not to send our third anxious, overwhelmed ASD there and his profile sounds similar to your second child. His two older brothers went and were okay as less anxious/overwhelmed (clear autistic traits in both) but we were unimpressed with the complete lack of individualised education/care and have seen acquaintances with similar profile to our youngest end up completely refusing school at the grammar with no real help forthcoming from grammar.
Youngest heading next year to small private secondary with good sen on academic scholarship instead. You said your second is bright so may be possible to send both with scholarship for one??

No 2 is 8 and is struggling to be honest. We're waiting gor a diagnosis but she's still meeting most targets but everyday is a rollercoaster.

No 1 is so, so far behind. Can barely spell or write.

There are specialist SpLd schools which might be worth considering, and which you may well get funded via EHCP.

Not your specific question, but my eldest is autistic and got a place at the local grammar school. She is very academic but also very emotional. But the school have been amazing at supporting her. Year 7 was a struggle as she adjusted to the changes from primary to secondary but she is doing really well now. I think she has had a lot more support than if she had gone to a state school. They have been able to make adjustments for the things she finds difficult including supporting friendships with various lunchtime clubs.

I was hopeful too that being in a very academic school might also help her in that, even if she doesn't 'fit in' in some ways with her peers, that she would find it easier if she was like them academically. And also that the more academic children might be a bit more forgiving and less likely to bully. This was maybe a hangup from my own school though, where someone super smart and a bit different was going to end up the target of a lot of meanness.

Yes.

I worked in schools for 20 years as a maths teacher.

Students with EHCPs have annual reviews where the Senco, parents and other professionals sit down and look at how well the child is doing. This alone puts pressure on the school to help them.

A good EHCP can also state that (for example) the student must have a 1:1 TA or must access Lego therapy or needs to have a time out card or should have access to a time out room etc etc.

Getting an EHCP for students can be time consuming for parents and sometimes parents don't want their child "labelled".
This means their child finds it harder to access the things that will help them -
So conversations I have had at school - Can X join the support maths group? No it's only for students with EHCPs.

It also means that your child's needs are acknowledged by the school. It means that if there are social or emotional problems they will put much more pastoral support in place - because there is monitoring of how many students with EHCPs get detentions/are excluded/isolated etc and the school want this to be low.

It can also help get extra time or an individual room in exams as you have documentation that your child has needs above and beyond a normal student.

Yes.

Get one.

In that case you may not need to face the dilemma.

Look into the EHCP system. Get her needs documented.

If she has an EHCP then the secondary transfer process is not the one everyone else uses - you look at schools and one is named in the EHCP as part of the process.
The school has limited ability to challenge this.

I'm not an expert on the secondary transfer process but it sounds like you would benefit from talking to a Sen specialist as both of your kids would benefit from an EHCP.

Come over to the SEN boards. I have some experience but there are very experienced people over there.

The EHCP is a legal contract between the local authority and the child, and it sets out to be a description of their needs and barriers to education (section B) and a prescription for the provision which will remove those barriers/meet those needs (section F) and the outcomes (section E) are a measure of the success of section F.

You also have the right (with a couple of caveats) to place the child at the setting of your choice. The EHCP is legally binding on the local authority and can stay in place until they are 25.

I've just been on the phone to an Ed Psychologist who says it doesn't sound like she (no 1) meets the criteria for an ehcp and they are very hard to obtain....

Do bear in mind that workloads within private schools are huge compared to the state sector….they are likely to be given homework that takes evenings and weekends from year 7 whereas homework in the state sector is often minimal. An academic child who loves learning will possibly do better than a non academic child who hates it ,as private schools usually rely on having a high achieving year group. P.s. ehcp’s are very hard to come by unless your child has exceptional needs ,which doesn’t sound the case.

When you say no 1 is so far behind, can you quantify that? 2/3/4 years behind?

She's doing year 3 level work at times. Spelling tests for example. Currently year 5.

@123anotherday this is nonsense.

My DD15 is in a private school for exactly the reasons OP is asking for and her homework levels are fine.
And actually because she is taught in small classes, not overwhelmed by the size of the school or level of noise, and gets a lot of personal attention from teachers she is progressing really well and is now able to crack on independently with her homework.

It really comes down to the individual school.

@jeaux90 you need to define “ homework levels are fine” ….I have friends with kids at local private schools and there is no comparison in homework levels.

You can apply for an EHCP yourself. I believe there is information about how to go about it on SOSSEN and IPSEA websites. Do you want an assessment from a private EP? LA ones are very stretched these days.

So you have 2 children with SN/suspected SN. One struggles academically whereas the other seem to have more potential.
Your idea is to put the first one in private school to what? Give her a leg up compared to her sister? FWIW I found state to be supportive of low achievers but not stretching the bright kids so I would say that private would benefit your second child more.

Child no 2 going to a grammar would presumably be 'unfair' on child no 1 who isn't bright and will lagg in a state school except that child 2 would ‘earn’ her grammar place by working hard, and her going wouldn’t rule
out her sister going. Your solution is unfair as your are choosing one child over the other for
something that would benefit them both.

Make EHCNA requests anyway. LAs and some school often tell parents their DC doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP but the parents go on to successfully apply themselves. An EHCP can be helpful. It can provide more support than DC will otherwise receive.

The criteria for EHCP assessment is might/does have SEN and might/does need support in school.

Not quite. The second part of the legal test for an EHCNA is may need special educational provision to be made via an EHCP. Not just support in school.