To be jealous of rich students

[Beupstairsreadymyangel]

When I went to uni, student grants had just been abolished.

my parents were completely skint: so I worked 30 hours a week while at uni, and paid rent to my parents.

right through my last year at school I worked around 20 hours a week (didn’t do 6th year) and worked every single day through the holidays except one (I remember taking that day off and my mum being annoyed because I wasn’t earning; meanwhile she hadn’t worked for about 18 years)

in my class at uni, most of the other students had their accommodation and food etc paid for by their parents: and they didn’t have to commute an hour each way to uni, and work almost full time.

in the end, I dropped out of uni and got a job. (I earn a decent amount now)

i now live in a uni town where there are lots of well off students: and my gosh. I feel resentful of them living in their expensive flats and sitting in coffee shops on their laptops.

i know im being so ridiculous!! And when my daughter is older I’ll want to do the same for her.

It’s a shame uni didn’t work out as you wanted it for you. But at least you recognise that you’re good now and working to provide what you didn’t have for your dd. I guess that’s all those “coffee shop” students have. Although some may well be working alongside uni too. We never truly know peoples personal circumstances.

I'd feel more resentful of my parents, to be honest! Especially your mum complaining about you missing a day's work when she didn't work herself!

If they were skint then you should have got a full loan, if the grant had been completely phased out. Did they make you live at home so you had to pay them rent?

but almost no students get their rent paid by their parents!

Basically I paid the full amount of the loan to my parents: so u received the loan and then gave it to them for digs. the money I earned went towards food and travel. Bear in mind this was before minimum wage: so 30 hours came to about £100 a week before tax /ni

I know what you mean. I hear the stories when parents did not/ could not support their children during studies. I also had to work during studies and my parents are just not those who like to be involved with their child. It is sad. I don’t want my children to go through this either. The teenage and uni years are very important and I don’t see why parents would completely live their kids on their own then when this time is important for education and the kids future….

It seems like your mum was a significant barrier to you finishing uni. Why was she requiring you to work/pay whilst trying to study whilst she didn't work. Why was she not supporting you?

In my class at uni, most of them did. And I know that a lot of my friends and colleagues pay for their kids rent (or their parents paid their rent)

I work in a setting that often involves the criminal justice system and so many people have poorer life outcomes just by the fact that their parents for whatever reason did not parent effectively.

I've heard many times on MN "comparison is the thief of joy" and I believe it can be.

Sounds to me, like you’re resentful to the wrong people! It’s not the students fault.

I would be more resentful of your parents. But fair play to you for working so hard to provide for your own daughter.

Nothing stopping you doing a degree now?

you know an extremely unusual cohort of people then. I would say it is very rare, and I've been helping students sort out finance for decades

It sounds like you have some misplaced anger.

I don’t quite understand why you felt you had to stay at home and pay rent to your parents. I’m guessing that there was some sort of emotional manipulation going on; that you felt beholden to your parents, as if you owed them something - though it doesn’t sound as if they took their duties towards you that seriously? (Sorry if I am wrong. I’m reading between the lines). I think, if this was the case then you are entitled to feel quite sad and angry that you missed out and don’t get the experience, opportunities and care that you deserved and that you had too much responsibility out on you too young.

It definitely sounds as if your parents were ripping you off on the rent too. I went to uni between 2005-2008, so a little while after grants had been abolished and tuition fees had been introduced. I was renting - in a city - and my loan plus a holiday job was enough to cover rent, food, books and plenty of hobbies and partying 🤔

It’s not the students fault

I could pay for DD to have a fab time in Uni or I could teach her a valuable lesson in working for the nice things, with a good work ethic.

She’s had a job since she was 14 then two jobs every summer, she saved for her car, her Uni fund and nights out/holidays.

She’s great with money.

Her BF gets everything paid for, and doesn’t attend lectures and likely to drop out.

We shouldn’t be raising work shy adults.

And those saying education is important - do you know what your young people are doing?

i now live in a uni town where there are lots of well off students: and my gosh. I feel resentful of them living in their expensive flats and sitting in coffee shops on their laptops.

How do you know they live in expensive flats?

And as for working in coffee shops on their laptops, that's a fairly common thing to do no matter what your background.

My DS did that, yet paid his own way through Uni with his loan and part-time job.

a degree at this stage in my life would make no difference to my earnings (I earn a significant amount more than the national average salary) and I don’t have a vocation or anything that would make a salary cut worthwhile.

I basically found a full time job after first year at uni, and worked my way up doing professional exams / evening classes along the way.

However. Once the mortgage is paid off, and DD has gotten through uni, I may consider going part time at work and doing a degree part time.

My cousins went to uni for free, I went 3 years later and had to pay for it. I totally get where you're coming from.

You’re not being ridiculous. I barely got through University and it took ages to pay off my student loans because my parents couldn’t pay for anything. I worked over 40hrs a week as I always had 2-3 part time jobs. I had no days off and it took 5 years to complete a 3 year degree course. For my masters, I was in a full time well paid career type job, and I did that evenings and weekends and that took me 3 years to complete a 1 year course.

I got £0 from them from age 12 up, and zero noncash support (homeless) from when I was 17. It was what it was, we were poor. I do think they could have done a bit more. I also am very critical of rich students (100% paid for, no loans, no need to work) that don’t even notice their bubble of privilege and comfort. It does grate when they can’t even conceive of what others have to do to get to the same starting line as them.

I also want to pay for my DC- full support through bachelors at least. I will ensure though that they know this is a lucky privilege for them. Not to have them be grateful to me, but to be aware and sensitive to other students that are in hardship compared to them.

You know how tough it was for you, so just try to be happy for students who don’t have to face that struggle.

I grew up with parents who refused to help me out and made my life difficult. I did get through uni, but I was shattered from working so many hours. I’m glad my kids will never face that and don’t want others to either.

We’re probably in the same cohort or thereabouts.

everyone that my mum knew that went to uni got grants, and I don’t think she understood that it wasn’t a grant that I received, but a loan, that had to be paid back.

thinking back: my mum had really bad anger issues and probable mental health problems: she gave me a hard time often about being lazy (I wasn’t, at least I don’t think 🤔 I was ). I just remember being skint all the time as a teenager and my mum always being angry

i recently read an autobiography by Fern Brady, and it really reminded me of my own teenage years

Wouldn't it be more logic to feel pleased for students who don't have to go through what you did?

Feelings aren’t logical unfortunately!

It can be both. I am happy that some students are not going through what I did, but I also don’t like it if they are completely clueless as to their relative privilege and the head start on life this gives them.

I also don’t like the fact that what I and OP went through is still happening for far too many working class students. The papers say record numbers of working class students are starting Uni, but what they don’t report is that record numbers of working class students are forced to drop out of Uni exactly like OP was forced. I read heartbreaking stories of students taking the loans, moving to their Uni expecting a job with enough hours to pay for food, transport, gap for accomodation, etc but finding that jobs with enough hours are not so easy to get and they quickly lose whatever pennies they had saved up, and have to drop out while owning thousands of pounds in loans for nothing, no degree, just a debt you have to pay back if you overcome this set back and earn a decent enough wage.

No. OP is allowed her feelings. We are not happy smiley robots. It is understandable for her to feel this way.