To be jealous of rich students

[Beupstairsreadymyangel]

When I went to uni, student grants had just been abolished.

my parents were completely skint: so I worked 30 hours a week while at uni, and paid rent to my parents.

right through my last year at school I worked around 20 hours a week (didn’t do 6th year) and worked every single day through the holidays except one (I remember taking that day off and my mum being annoyed because I wasn’t earning; meanwhile she hadn’t worked for about 18 years)

in my class at uni, most of the other students had their accommodation and food etc paid for by their parents: and they didn’t have to commute an hour each way to uni, and work almost full time.

in the end, I dropped out of uni and got a job. (I earn a decent amount now)

i now live in a uni town where there are lots of well off students: and my gosh. I feel resentful of them living in their expensive flats and sitting in coffee shops on their laptops.

i know im being so ridiculous!! And when my daughter is older I’ll want to do the same for her.

I think your we're financially exploited by your parents OP, taking your loan off you.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, it isn't even about having shitty parents is it. The fact is that the most loving, caring and responsible parents must be feeling the pain of this situation as well. You go from struggling with food and bills to having to see your child have fewer opportunities because of your situation. There are shitty parents but there are plenty of really wonderful parents too. ❤️

That’s a nice reply but I feel a bit disingenuous as in we are quite wealthy if you are basing this on income but the way uni funding is organised now means that you can take out maintenance loans for rent but these are means tested and if your parents are earning over 62000 combined income, you have to find the rest for them as it won’t cover living costs. It is unfair as you could be on £62000 or 1 million but have to find the same to top up. It is staggered so you could be on £40,000 combined and you get more maintenance Loan, less from the parents but parents still have to find this amount to top up or the student could work but that can be many hours which compromises their studies.

“(I remember taking that day off and my mum being annoyed because I wasn’t earning; meanwhile she hadn’t worked for about 18 years)”

Is this not the crux of your annoyance? Was your mum unable to work?

You're parents were selfish arseholes more interested in the money you brought in to them than in you I'm afraid

Your education should have come first and they did the opposite of support.

They put up every barrier they could to enable you you to fail

I'm so sorry

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-68534953

You had the opportunity to go to uni away from your parents & take a loan too

So grabbing a random year of 2006/7 (because it was the first one I found the info for) - and this is talking about the above inflation rise of student halls - so earlier year would have been more affordable still.

Halls accommodation costs were £4038 pa in London and £2581 pa in Wales (these were the highest and lowest costs, frustratingly they didn't quote the overall average outside London)

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2006/dec/04/highereducation.uk

Student loan amounts (full) were

Full year rates:
Students living at home: £3,415
Students living away from home, in London: £6,170
Students living away from home, outside London: £4,405
Final year rates:
Students living at home: £3,085
Students living away from home, in London: £5,620
Students living away from home, outside London: £4,080

Source: https://www.theyworkforyou.com/wms/?id=2005-07-14a.35WS.10

So there was nothing stopping OP taking the full live away loan and living in halls. The loan covered hall fees and basic living costs. Any luxuries of extras could be paid for by working in the holidays or a Saturday job.

OP chose not to do that. Her choice, and it could well have been a good one a she doesn't have a huge debt and is doing fine. But she had the same opportunity (in fact better) than the students of today that she is so jealous of have.

As others have said, the real issue should be with her parents.

it would have been great if you were about then to help me find that great accommodation and get the right amount of loan.

itwas a few years earlier. Before usage of the internet was commonplace (we didn’t have it at home or school, I only learned how to use it at uni). So, at 16 (I turned 17 just as I started uni), with the information I had to hand, the accommodation cost for the full year (not just term time) was more than the loan. That doesn’t include anything else I would have needed to live on. I wouldn’t have been receiving a home starter kit from my parents with all the basics for living away, or be sent with a Tesco shop of food.

I understand how you feel and I think it's justified.
I didn't get any help either but I've channelled that and worked really hard to make sure I can help my kids. The eldest doesn't want to go to uni so I'm helping him in other ways. The youngest wants to do a 5 year degree. If that ends up happening he will have to take out loans for the fees but I will pay his rent and living expenses. I'm not flush and have a lodger to help me save money but it's really important to me to try and help my kids as it's such an uneven playing field.

I’m not entirely sure why she didn’t work. Probably mental health issues. Home was very stressful at that time of life: my mum was often angry, stressed or depressed and would shout and bawl for no reason.

I was in Scotland. No tuition fees.

I agree with others saying you’re upset at the wrong people, although I agree feelings aren’t always logical.

Many students now will have a loan that doesn’t cover rent, and will be working to make up the costs.

Many of them may feel like things were easier for people your age E.g buying a house. All swings and roundabouts.

Buying A house was much easier then!

But the students that give me that horrible feeling of resentment are probably the ones that will have a deposit from parents. (Local uni has lots of wealthy students)

I think your resentment is misplaced. It sounds as though you had no support from your parents, they didn’t help you financially whilst you were at university and they took all your student loan as well. I’d be angry with them , not the students who do have supportive parents.

In the kindest way OP, it sounds like you’re upsetting yourself over a lot of assumptions you’ve made.

Sorry if you’ve already said, but have you had any therapy or counselling? It’s not healthy to be so resentful and upset over some strangers and the life you imagine them to have.

Your parents sound awful. Sorry.

Well, yes, you were surely letdown by lack of appropriate support and information.

But that isn't the fault of those students whose parents do support them now and do take out (very large) loans to make their way through Uni comfortably.

I'm going to say again, students whose parents bankroll them through Uni are the exception, not the rule. Most parents top up to max loan amount only, many cant even manage that. And most parents don't gift hefty deposits either. Most of today's students will struggle far more than you ever did to make their way in adult life, with tens of thousands of pounds of student debt, plus impossible to achieve house prices. Count your blessings for what you have, and don't begrudge the next generation, who have it far harder than we did to get established/buy a home/afford nursery fees a few years carefree on their borrowed money before they face a lifetime of debt and expensive rental accommodation.

I paid DD's rent and she managed on her loan. Health issues and lockdown meant that working to support herself wasn't an option. A lot of her friends worked though.

I don't think it is that rare for parents to pay rent for students.

I'm longer in the WIWIKAU Facebook group as DD graduated 2 years ago, but there are a lot of posts from parents worried about being able to financially support their DC through university. A lot of the newer halls of residence are expensive, and the rents are higher than the maintenance loans.

@Beupstairsreadymyangel I think your views are skewed because you only see the more well off students. There will be loads who aren't spending all day in coffee shops, but who are working their socks off to support themselves.

I went to uni right on the cusp. Had I not spent a 3rd year at college retaking A-levels, I would have got the full grant for uni. Instead I got a half grant the 1st year then extra means-tested loan the following years. Actually the grant year was worse, because they didn't extend the loan to cover the shortfall.
My parents didn't pay for my accommodation or anything else. I think a few times right at the end of term when skint I asked for a bit of money but that was it. I planned to work at uni but then really didn't want to, so I thought I would see if I could get by without. I did work all holidays though.
I think the problem you had was a parent problem not a 'other rich kids' problem. They shouldnt have been taking your whole loan off you and making you work. You say the loan wouldn't cover the cost of halls, but that certainly wasn't the case everywhere. If you had moved away maybe to a different uni, it might have been very different for you.
Regardless of all of that, it's utterly pointless being jealous and angry about today's students. Unless you want to be one of those bitter old people who constantly complains about the 'youth of today' or 'I never got....' etc etc. It won't change what happened.
You sound like you are doing well now. So despite your struggles you've become successful. And there's nothing to say you would be any better off if you had got your degree.