Do you know why you are struggling

[Georginana]

I really hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way and people can understand I'm coming from a place of genuinely wanting to know.
Yesterday at work I mentioned about a holiday, someone told me I come across very out of touch.

Now I'm not well off by any means. I'm a GP receptionist, I only work 2 days a week (admittedly 10 hour days). We are mortgage free. My husband is a painted and decorator. He works for a company as he doesn't like the bookkeeping side and makes about £33,000 a year, I make £13000. We sold our family home for £220,000 2 years ago and bought a smaller home for £140,000. We live in a very cheap area, but the village we are in is lovely.

The only person who I any real understanding of the finances of is my son. He has 3 children, lives in a HA home. He makes £34,000 a year, his partner makes £10,000 and they get some benefits. They aren't struggling, they go on holidays, don't scrimp on food and their children are always dressed in new expensive clothes. However they have no debt and don't drink. I provide childcare on my 3 days I don't work.

This has me wondering, I know a lot of people are struggling but what is the biggest clincher? Is it rent? Mortgage rates going up? Fuel? Debt? Childcare? Living in an expensive area?

For example. I know a family it's 3 children who probably make similar to my son, but they always seem to be struggling to get by.

What's the biggest clincher for you if you feel you're struggling? I'm really trying to educate myself as I've never been out of touch before in my life!

AIBU to wonder whats the biggest financial pressures people are facing?

So you're of an age where you don't have young children, you are mortgage free, so I'm nit surprised you're not struggling. Have you ever had to watch the pennies?

Your son has free childcare and doesn't have a large mortgage or the expense that comes with owning a home.

I am not struggling, but I certainly see why people do. Mortgages, cost of everything increasing, low wages, debt, childcare just to name a few.

Are you serious? You have grown up child(ren) you don’t need to pay for, so no dependants to feed/ clothe/ house, no childcare bills, and are mortgage free presumably having benefited from a rise in property prices also. Of course you’re not likely to be the ones struggling!

Your son doesn’t have to pay a mortgage or for full time childcare. I’d say yes, you do sound out of touch. Nothing wrong with having a holiday, but to genuinely not understand how privileged the circumstances you describe are, is out of touch.

I totally understand why we wouldn't be struggling.

My son and his partner still get UC at their wages and if they used paid childcare would get 85% back. I think I would as using them as my guide as they aren't exactly high earners.

I realise that im out of touch which is why I made this post to learn and understand!

How is this privilege the O/ P had worked for what she's got .

@Kittywittywoo privileged and working hard are not mutually exclusive. She is still in a lucky position, a lot of similar people may have worked equally as hard and not be in such a good place. This is a concept alot of boomers seem to struggle with, I obviously have no idea how old you are.

for example, I went to medical school and worked my arse off. I’m still very privileged I had the opportunity to do so. I was privileged that I had a stable home, an environment I could study in to get the grades needed to go to university, and good health to complete the course. I still did 80hour weeks and stayed up til 3am studying whilst other students went out drinking. I worked hard. But was privileged.

I think it’s a bit of everything that makes people struggle. Cost of living - so even just buying the same products in shops is more expensive.
Interest rates are up so if you’re paying a mortgage or have a private landlord (I’m not sure about HA) prices have went up there.
I don’t pay for childcare but have a friend who essentially works for her pension and to keep her foot in the door at her job. The equivalent of her wage goes to pay for childcare, so although it would be lovely to stay to look after the children and she’d be no worse off in the short term it probably would affect her going forward

I think it does make a difference where you are in the country. You can earn less and live well in lower COL areas, particularly with some UC top ups. In expensive areas, housing is very pricey. As a knock-on effect of that, HA tenancies are more sought-after and thus harder to get. Private renting is expensive and there is little security of tenure.

Also (madly) you can be a lot better off by earning less, particularly if you have DC.

If you are living close to the edge (in regard to money AND time), you simply have less capacity to manage other price increases.

Where I live a 3 bed house in an area with ok schools would rent at £1,500 a month. We struggle to feed our family for less than £800 month. 2 teens, 2 adult, on uni student. Council tax is £300 a month. Utilities £200. So that is £2800 before you even start to think of clothes / holidays / car / childcare / presents etc. it’s the housing that is killing budgets in the uk. Housing is the issue.

No you were not . You worked hard . You bucked down when you could have messed about and gone out on the piss . Yes I would say the O/P son is privileged with all the help he had / gets . Privilege is when you get given some thing handed to you on a plate for nothing , no effort in your part . Luck is when you get a windfall or are I the right place at the right time or who you know .

I'm not struggling but rent. Rent is a huge reason people are struggling. An average three bed semi here is £1600pcm

I wish houses around here where I price you paid to downside.....they start at 350,000 for a one bed flat. Rent starts at 1500 for a 2 bed. Yabu if you can't understand that.

We are fortunate that our mortgage didn’t go up hugely and we’re now fixed rate for a while. However we became used to how we live our life and haven’t adjusted that much. We’re now very much finding that we are living month to month and have used most of our savings. I guess we’re lucky that we should be able to pay for bills and it’s just the fun stuff that needs to stop but still when 2 of you work in professional jobs and have done for 20 years it’s a bit soul destroying. Main costs we’ve seen are food and bills - probably £600 a month more than they were 2 years ago…:

we went on an all inclusive in Europe last year but same holiday costs £2k more this year so yup….:

Mortgage is over 1k a month (but we are overpaying as we bought late, my second marriage) and my eldest DS is in uni so I top up his rent.

I supplement my 3 DC because their abusive, controlling father refuses to support them beyond feeding them at his house so the nice stuff like horseriding, school trips, phones, laptops, cinema trips, gigs etc all fall to me. I usually have about a tenner left at the end of the month and do struggle to splash out on myself but I'm happy with that because my DC deserve it.

I grew up with very frugal parents, and am very good at delayed gratification, scrimping and making do.

The key to my financial stability is that I have never upgraded my lifestyle by the full amount of my pay rises. So for every extra £100 I earn, I spend an extra £25-50 max per month, the rest goes to savings or pension. It is a very long time since I've had a bill that made me wince because I'm a saver by nature.

But it's easier to live poor if you grow up well off.

I pay my ex’s mortgage - £800 per month. I pay all bills and half of my childcare bill £500 a term.

I earn £1300 and don’t get UC. I struggle massively. UC won’t help with my housing costs as it’s a private arrangement. I can’t afford to rent.

I'm looking at moving next door to my mum in a rental as UC will give me something if I move there. I can’t get a HA tenancy as I’m “adequately” housed so not a priority.

I commend you that you’re trying to understand how people are struggling, but rising costs have not been met with the same increase in wages so money is not going very far.

It depends. Some people are savers and have bad luck. Some people are spenders and have good luck.

I'd like to add.. I am not struggling now but I have very much struggled in the past. I was homeless in my teens and have expereinced all levels of poverty.

Some people just absolutely cannot understand the concept of having no money. Literally no money, and that means none.
I was once at work when I was 20 and had somewhere to live and someone said they saw me walking home. They said "why don't you get the bus, there's a bus, take that, it's raining" and I kept trying to change the subject but eventually admitted quietly that I didn't have the busfare. She laughed like she couldn't beleive it "what you don't have £1.50? How can someone not have £1.50! everyone has £1.50!" On and on in front of the whole staff room, I was so humiliated I just wanted to sink through the floor but she just didn't get it.
And when you tell someone your skint and they say "oh its only a pound!" Skint means skint, do not make me explain the extent of my skintness.
Its like someone people have literally never once in their entire lived had NO money and its like they didn't realise it was possible.

How on earth do you manage on £500 a month for all bills plus food, travel costs etc? My Council Tax plus fuel bill is over £400 a month.

Having reach a point in your life where finances are not as tight (whether that is because mortgage is paid off, kids moved away, inheritance etc) does not make you "privileged", it is just the cycle of life.
It is not a race to the bottom, those who are in a better financial position should not have to wear hair-shirts and constantly apologise for managing perfectly satisfactory.

@2dogsandabudgie I don’t. I can pay Council tax and gas and electric. Food is a mixture of credit cards or literally any cash I can scrape together.

I'm in the north where things are slightly more affordable, but i still don't know anyone who is confident about being mortgage free much before retirement. Some who are relying on working past retirement age. These arent for big houses either, just a consequence of not being in a position to buy until late 30s, and not overpaying mortgages due to the costs of having children, plus rates going up.

And of course those are the ones who were lucky to get on the property ladder at all - those who are renting in the current climate have no chance unless they have something exceptional (eg inheritance) because rents are so high, it's very difficult for people to save for a deposit while renting even if other outgoings are low (eg before children)

Honestly? Rent and the cost of food and heating/electric gobbles up a lot of my wages.

I think it is:
Housing- including mortgage, council tax and energy bills
Childcare
Costs of commute
Costs of food

I think that is the order in which people spend their money. Actually, if they have several children and they are pre- schoolers, then childcare could be the top one.

All of the above has gone up in price rather faster than wages since the CoL crisis, as you have seen in the many articles about inflation.

I have always thought that the prices of homes and public transport in UK were well out of whack and just getting worst.
The rest is neither here or there compared to other countries, in my view. But that the average wage in UK cannot comfortably buy the average house says it all, to be honest.

I think it was rude of the person who said you are ‘out of touch’ tbh just because you have worked hard and at a different point in your life OP, the person who said it sounds abit jealous

I think we can use the term lucky, rather than priviledged.
To me, priviledged has a connotation that the person has not really done much towards the achievement.