Do you know why you are struggling

[Georginana]

I really hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way and people can understand I'm coming from a place of genuinely wanting to know.
Yesterday at work I mentioned about a holiday, someone told me I come across very out of touch.

Now I'm not well off by any means. I'm a GP receptionist, I only work 2 days a week (admittedly 10 hour days). We are mortgage free. My husband is a painted and decorator. He works for a company as he doesn't like the bookkeeping side and makes about £33,000 a year, I make £13000. We sold our family home for £220,000 2 years ago and bought a smaller home for £140,000. We live in a very cheap area, but the village we are in is lovely.

The only person who I any real understanding of the finances of is my son. He has 3 children, lives in a HA home. He makes £34,000 a year, his partner makes £10,000 and they get some benefits. They aren't struggling, they go on holidays, don't scrimp on food and their children are always dressed in new expensive clothes. However they have no debt and don't drink. I provide childcare on my 3 days I don't work.

This has me wondering, I know a lot of people are struggling but what is the biggest clincher? Is it rent? Mortgage rates going up? Fuel? Debt? Childcare? Living in an expensive area?

For example. I know a family it's 3 children who probably make similar to my son, but they always seem to be struggling to get by.

What's the biggest clincher for you if you feel you're struggling? I'm really trying to educate myself as I've never been out of touch before in my life!

AIBU to wonder whats the biggest financial pressures people are facing?

Aside from the whys and wherefores of who is struggling and why, being accused of being 'out of touch' usually means its just a case of reading the room.

OP works in a GP, so openly discussing with a well-paid Practice Partner about which Maldives island is the best could be seen as out of touch. Likewise saying to other receptionists on similar wages but who can only dream of a caravan in Skegness that you can't decide whether to go to Dubai or Cancun might also be a bit off. "You're out of touch" is usually just a polite way of saying 'please stop bragging'.

If they've got the hump that you mentioned you're going away to Majorca for a week in what is relatively standard small talk for this time of year, well that's on them.

I think conversations around these issues are very confused. We have people who work hard, make good decisions and yet due to circumstances beyond their control struggle. This is awful. It’s also very different from people who make poor financial decisions, big house with big mortgage (Beyond means), fancy car (x2) on finance (almost another mortgage), numerous holidays per year. Then say they have no money/are struggling. That is lifestyle choice

Exactly. Of course a lot of people are struggling with high housing costs, childcare etc, but the reality is that a lot of people make expensive choices that cost a lot more than what a true 'basic' amount is.

High rent or mortgage because they will only live in an expensive area.

Private school, tuition. Only a tiny minority choose to pay these costs.

A bedroom for each child, often with a double bed. Whatever happened to children sharing rooms and sleeping in single beds?

Buying brands, above average grocery bills, bought lunches, coffee habits.

Mobile phone bills and subscriptions far higher than they need to be.

They claim to 'not be able to afford anything nice' but in reality they already have a lot of 'nice' and they could free up money for holidays if they hadn't already spent so much money on every day basics.

I agree with this poster - it's death by a thousand cuts. We are actually not struggling, but we know many people that are and I can't see that it's one specific thing.

If I had to pick one specific thing (at a macro level) that has gravely affected my generation (millennial) more than anything else, I think I would choose "housing stock" - but I'm not even sure if that is the correct answer.

Just in case you really have no idea (sounds a bit 'I'm alright jack' to me!)
Mortgage 850 (. 550,)
Groceries/general shopping 900 ( 240)
Car/fuel 100 ( 400 used to work so counts as expenses . )
4 x mobile phones 100 ( 5 for mine)
Council tax 125 ish. ( 120 with single person discount)
Loan/credit card 150. ( 0)
Gas/electric 250. (55)
Kids hobbies 150 ( 0)
= £2625

So that approx £965. For one person and feeding son when he on uni holidays. My take home is approx £1200 ( varies due to self employment). But I'm not struggling

It varies for everyone - as does privilege/luck.

We're lucky - we have no rent/mortgage to pay. (However there is a chance in the future we could lose our home and then we'd have nothing.)

Unlucky - DH was made redundant in 2020.

More complicated - He's now essentially trying to work full time hours for a pittance (as in 5-6,000 a year), but it means he can work around the needs of our DS with ASD. We couldn't manage logistically if he worked out of the house or on fixed hours, and he's working to try and cover his bills - car etc. My wage covers all household costs. We are struggling a bit less now we get DLA for DS.

Housing is the issue.
Higher food prices affects everyone as does higher utility bills. Childcare bills have always been difficult but it is for relatively few years. Housing is the big change.

Neither I or my DH are paid much. But we are mortgage free. A couple have moved in door with their two children and are renting, and we could not afford the rent they are paying.

There are people who are terrible at budgeting and spend money on lots of little things and then struggle. But these people have always existed.

@NoisySnail I was going to say the same thing. That's the element that differs so much. I know some people who appear to be struggling but it's down to choices they have made. A prime example was a neighbour many years ago. They constantly bitched about having to rent and never being able to save a deposit but they spent money like there was no tomorrow. Takeaways constantly, the latest high tech stuff, designer clothes for themselves and kids etc. I had my kid complaining constantly about what we didn't have and their kid teased mine for being poor. At the time I was buying everything second hand and budgeting every penny. Yet when we moved on to our new house they were begrudging telling us we were lucky and isn't it so easy for some people.

That's very true.

My youngest son (4) wears 2nd hand school uniform from the school shop. They sell it at £1 per item. It was all immaculate when we bought it.

We could easily afford to buy new, but why waste money?

My two brother-in-laws earn more than me, but complain about being skint. They have newish BMWs on the drive that they swap/upgrade on a regular basis, get expensive Ocado shops every week, all the latest Apple tech, etc.

The only reason they're short of money is because they appear to see spending their take home pay as a monthly target rather than limit.

@HaventGotAScoob i honestly hadn’t even considered food banks. I will have a look into it. I do just about get by with my mum helping me with dinners for the kids. I only have to feed them 3 nights a week as their dad has them for some evenings and they eat at childcare 2 nights. They get school lunches which their dad pays for. I’m lucky that my employer pays pretty much all my car bills - insurance is covered through work as is my road tax. All I have to do is put £20 in it a week. I’m going to look into UC again soon as this just can’t continue. I am on my knees with stress and worry x

Definitely food banks- try and sort that today you poor thing. X

I'm not really sure I take your point? Congratulations on not struggling I guess 🤷‍♀️

The point is that maybe people struggle as they've taken out loans , pay plenty of money for phone contracts and lots on kids hobbies. As the post I replied to shows . And what the hell are people doing to use so much gas/electric and such high food bills.

If people are really struggling then those figures could be cut somewhat

It's keeping my expenses as low as possible that causes me not to struggle