Do you know why you are struggling

[Georginana]

I really hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way and people can understand I'm coming from a place of genuinely wanting to know.
Yesterday at work I mentioned about a holiday, someone told me I come across very out of touch.

Now I'm not well off by any means. I'm a GP receptionist, I only work 2 days a week (admittedly 10 hour days). We are mortgage free. My husband is a painted and decorator. He works for a company as he doesn't like the bookkeeping side and makes about £33,000 a year, I make £13000. We sold our family home for £220,000 2 years ago and bought a smaller home for £140,000. We live in a very cheap area, but the village we are in is lovely.

The only person who I any real understanding of the finances of is my son. He has 3 children, lives in a HA home. He makes £34,000 a year, his partner makes £10,000 and they get some benefits. They aren't struggling, they go on holidays, don't scrimp on food and their children are always dressed in new expensive clothes. However they have no debt and don't drink. I provide childcare on my 3 days I don't work.

This has me wondering, I know a lot of people are struggling but what is the biggest clincher? Is it rent? Mortgage rates going up? Fuel? Debt? Childcare? Living in an expensive area?

For example. I know a family it's 3 children who probably make similar to my son, but they always seem to be struggling to get by.

What's the biggest clincher for you if you feel you're struggling? I'm really trying to educate myself as I've never been out of touch before in my life!

AIBU to wonder whats the biggest financial pressures people are facing?

We're paying £15k a year in childcare (one child), I'm sure you or your son would be struggling if they were paying that.

Every time someone points out things your son or you are not paying for, your response is "they're low earners, the state pays for that". Have you genuinely never heard of the concept of the squeezed middle? Those who earn a bit more than you or your son so don't qualify for assistance, but not (for example) so much more that it covers the entirety of a childcare bill or children's living expenses or mortgage or private rent. Giving them less money than you or your son.

Yes, the squeezed middle.... and being perpetually just there :(

@MissMoonshine you’re right, retire is a bit extreme! I could easily work the hours OP is on, and have money spare, is what I meant. To me that is genuinely what retirement would seem like though, as I work a lot at the moment 😂 I do have a pension and hopefully inheritance but I expect I would still have a one or two day a week job if I could.

We're talking about different things here, if you live in an area with low wealth like OP, you'll struggle to find a job as there'll be fewer but if you get one you can afford to live more easily.
In wealthier areas you'll more easily find a job but the cost of living is higher (and can be much, much higher). As people can't just pull jobs out the cracks of their arses, more of them end up in wealthier and much more expensive areas.

Thank you. I appreciate the reply!

I would love to reduce my hours too, but it feels a long way off 🥲

I think the ridiculous increases in everything (utility bills, transport, council tax, food) and the fact that salaries are not keeping up is the issue.

Also the fact that I have health issues.

The cost of housing and childcare is extortionate these days.

Where we live (Liverpool) a 3 bed house costs £350,000. If you’re lucky enough to have been able to save a 10% deposit, a mortgage for £315,000 at the current rates of 5.8%
over 30 years costs £1900 a month. That is a huge chunk of money to pay out every month. Rent prices are similar £1500-£1800
for a 3 bed. Even a 2 bed flat costs £250,000 and there are hardly any flats unless you live in the city centre.

Unless you live in a deprived area house prices are pretty much consistent across the city. We can’t move to a cheaper city/town as we rely on family for care.

Our gas and electric for 2 adults is £230 a month on British Gas standard tariff.

Our food is £500 a month - we eat healthy unprocessed foods, 3 meals plus 2 snacks a day around 1800 kcals, try to have our 5 a day, oily fish once a week, nuts and seeds for nutrition. So we are not eating excessively.

Our bills, food and petrol cost £3,000 a month without any debt and any children (we are expecting). I expect our monthly expenditure to increase by another £1,200 to cover our costs of having one child (£900 for childcare and £300 for food, nappies etc). So that’s £4,200 a month for essentials. There’s not much left from our salaries after that.

OP it’s not diffiuclt to see why your son and his wife are comfortable. They live in social housing, with your daughter-in-law having stayed in her family home, and presumably your son going straight from his family home to the marital home? So neither of them have ever had to pay private rent or a mortgage. So their housing costs will have been a fraction of those for most people, who often privately rent for a while, before getting a mortgage.

They get free child care, from you.

They have a decent income £44,000, with minimal outgoings, which is a lot of money. And they get some benefits on top.

Our household income is about £3200 per month net, have no debts, no car payments etc. and we go on one caravan holiday for a week every year and we are living pay cheque to pay cheque. It all goes on mortgage, utilities and food. All of it. We don't even have any childcare to pay for (I am part time to get around that)

What a bizarre post…do you know why you are struggling? Yes I presume people know why they are struggling 🤦🏻‍♀️ You really can’t work out what people might be struggling with?

£800 a month on food for four people? Do you live on caviar and takeaways?

It's not that hard to understand. It's housing and childcare. We are not struggling but if we were mortgage free like you we'd have an extra £15k a year to save or spend on holidays.

I think she said 2 adults, 2 teens and a student - so 5 people. It’s a lot of money, but students have load of free time and they eat a lot! When mine comes home for the holidays I’m shocked at how much food he eats!

High mortgage in an expensive area but can’t really move as kids settled in school and need to be near their father.

Mortgage rates just gone up.

Also the hobbies they want to do are things like music and drama so cost money - can’t just be football or something comparatively cheap!

I don’t think you were wrong to mention your holiday and I think it was unfair for someone to say you are out of touch. From what you have said you clearly have worked hard to be in the position you are in and have made good and practical financial decisions to allow you to have your holidays now. Enjoy!

I think conversations around these issues are very confused. We have people who work hard, make good decisions and yet due to circumstances beyond their control struggle. This is awful. It’s also very different from people who make poor financial decisions, big house with big mortgage (Beyond means), fancy car (x2) on finance (almost another mortgage), numerous holidays per year. Then say they have no money/are struggling. That is lifestyle choice.

Aw lovely please use the food banks. There are lots around that don't require a referral/require you to be on benefits. You poor soul, life is tough.

I’m accustomed to seeing extortionate rents unfortunately, but your food and council tax amounts are obscene. How did we get here?

£1000 mortgage, £1000 childcare (one child, 3 days a week), £300 council tax... I could go on...

I mean, it's not your fault, and it's not your son's fault. But it's so fucking unfair that my parents worked their fingers to the bone, never earning enough to be approved for a mortgage, but not quite little enough for a council house, so have been crippled by private rents their whole lives and now face homelessness in their retirement (but I guess at least then they'll get a council house!)
And DH and I can barely make ends meet despite both having degrees and decent-ish jobs (I'm NHS but still), and still aren't eligible for any help!
Yet other people, by sheer luck of the draw, get a house and a top up of free cash from the government, completely arbitrarily, even though their situation is otherwise identical to ours.
As I said, not your fault, and of course your son should claim whatever he's been deemed entitled to. But it's really, really shit for the rest of us who just get squeezed and squeezed and get nothing back from this shitshow of a government.

Debt for car £600.

IMHO this would have been completely avoidable, if you'd bought a sensible 2nd hand car for £2-3k. Why have you entered into such an expensive contract when you say you're struggling?

credit card debt £150

Is this the minimum payment or are you cleaning the debt?

water £90

Do you have a leak? We pay £25 p/m for a family of 4.

In our tightest years, we were paying full time childcare and the mortgage while earning just enough that meant we weren't eligible for any benefits help.

Our childcare was subsidised by my work but was still more every month than our mortgage.

Once we aged out of childcare into school the money budget loosened a bit (phew!) but the time budget struggled as I had a busy stressful job and we had no family around who could help.

People questioning £800 p/month for food - how do you spend less?? We're two adults, two small children and can easily spend this. We eat meat and fish, fresh veg, we have 3 lactose intolerant so have to spend a lot on the right milk, cheese, yoghurt etc (example nearly £2 a day on lactose free milk / oat milk, cant cut this out as have 1 toddler 1 baby and a coffee addict)... We don't do takeaways or alcohol, one or two meals a week will be freezer food / fresh pizza. We find a lot of the cost comes from household essentials - washing machine / dishwasher tabs, cleaning supplies, shampoo and conditioner, that kind of thing. Any tips would be very welcome as we are looking for ways to cut costs.

H is on 65,000 FT and I'm on 12,000 PT. Monthly costs: Childcare 1,000 for 3 days, mortgage 1,000, Car 350, council tax 250, electricity and gas 200 minimum. I realise we are lucky but playing catch up from living in a city where childcare / mortgage / rents were double what we're paying now. Moved as we were struggling month to month.

Any tips would be very welcome as we are looking for ways to cut costs.

We find a lot of the cost comes from household essentials - washing machine / dishwasher tabs, cleaning supplies, shampoo and conditioner, that kind of thing

Are you already using Aldi/Lidl/supermarket own brands?

Your car costs are also something I'd look to avoid.

We paid £9k for a 2nd hand Lexus SUV in 2018. We've serviced it every year and had to replace standard things like tyres, brakes and the 12v battery.

You're spending £4200 a year for your car. Maybe plan for the end of your contract and try to save a few thousand so that you can switch to standard ownership without monthly payments.

If you eat properly you can’t really get it much cheaper! I do a bulk order of meat and fish from muscle foods. I also bulk buy rice, pasta, toilet roll, washing powder, shampoo + conditioner and razors from Costco. We still spend £500 a month!

We have lunches like beans/egg on toast about 4 days a week. I make at least two dinners a week with no meat/fish using lentils/beans instead.

I really don’t know what people who spend less are eating!

I’m a disabled single parent and cannot work due to my disability/severe chronic pain. I haven’t been on holiday for 6 years and probably will never afford to go on holiday again. My mum recently brought up she’s going on holiday with my siblings and I smiled and was happy for her but in private, I’m very resentful because I cannot afford it. I look at my ex who claims he never has money to pay child maintenance, yet is constantly going on holiday and weekends away. I don’t think you should have to mind what you say so it doesn’t ‘offend’ people though - that’s on them. Just don’t brag or look down on people who can’t do the same.