To be p*ssed off DP has a pointless 30m call with a female work colleague every day?

[colachive]

Just this. He has a 30 minute call with the same female work colleague (who he has stated "reminds him" of his ex-wife) every single work day. He's said it started as a project check in and now they just chat.

I don't really know how to bring this up with him but something about it just aggrevates me. It feels off. AIBU??

Yes, but that's the huge difference.

Once a week, absolutely, good, healthy, necessary. Every day is something else.

I speak to my male work friend every day as well for about the same time.
Half is business and planning what we're up to workwise as we act as a pair, and the other half is just shooting the breeze and gossip.

I think if my partner thought that there was anything weird going on I would be quite put out after id finished laughing.

The lack of reading comprehension on this thread is unreal, there’s no point relaying your own work stories - which are in no way similar to what OP is describing - as if they’re the same thing.

1. These calls are actually scheduled / blocked off in his work diary
2. These calls are daily for 30 minutes
3. The calls are NOT work* *related & purely chat
4. It is only ever with this one same colleague

So everyone saying that they chat organically to several different colleagues on an adhoc basis which are mainly gossip but are also work related or you go for lunch / drinks once or twice a week; even if you think the OP is being unreasonable, your stories aren’t comparable!

Of course you are being unreasonable, you're also being controlling! Does he tell you who you can or can't be friends with? And if he did, would you accept it? I have males and female friends at work and those chats are often about support and venting. The biggest red flag is him feeling he has to justify his work diary with you

Ironically your point 3 is incorrect.

OP said there is a lot of work craziness that he needs to vent with colleagues about so it is work related, just not project related.

name changed, because CRINGE

I’m 99.9% sure this is me, happy to dial you in 😂

This is more about you than about him.

Yes.. it’s a problem.

Not extreme at all. I would be very concerned and unhappy if my husband felt need to speak to female colleague who reminds him of his ex wife for half an hour every day. It's off and that's why Ur Spidey senses are tingling.
He probably sees it as nothing, but it is something. It's inappropriate for married man to have that sort of relationship in my opinion.

I agree with this.

It’s so ‘nothingy’ as previous posters have said - the only red flag isn't the comment, it’s him mentioning it!

I sometimes send DH a picture of my calendar in a kind of "how ridiculous is this!?" way. He's done the same to me too. It's like venting.

Relationship building is a massive part of work especially working from home. Unless he's being inappropriate on the call I think yo are being unreasonable.

I work with a lot of male colleagues. What I do means I'm often the only female in many meetings, calls, projects etc. Which means that the people I develop "friendships" with at work are usually men. The one or two I work with most, we often stay on calls after a meeting to catch up or vent to each other. There's nothing in it.

There is some I have regular catch ups with too. In fact as I was leaving the office today I basically shouted at one call me tomorrow for whatever you wanted, because he'd been messaging me while I was in a tediously long meeting and wanted to go home.

I promise I'm not trying to steal anyone's DP/DH. Very happy with my own.

😂😆😅

Would you feel the same if it was a male colleague?

I agree with you OP, I would also be worried if my DH was constantly calling a particular female colleague and also reporting to me compliments made by this colleague to him. Please do not listen to all these people on Mumsnet who write responses totally different from how they would react in real life. They like drama and always try to make people with genuine concerns feel stupid. This is one of the reasons why I am very wary of posting on Mumsnet

@LambertndButler don't be so ridiculous. What makes you think her marriage is toxic?

@walnutcoffeecake I don't know if you are referring to the OP but if you're referring to the comments I totally agree with you. I am getting really concerned about the way people are attacked on Mumsnet when they make a post. You can have a different opinion from the OP but you don't need to be so vicious about it. It is getting really worrisome

I’d stop that at once. My husband had an affair with a work colleague last year for 6 months and I had always known she was interested in him. He put it down to her it’s talking like that to everyone because she is Italian. Bullshit. If he cares about you he stops those calls now.

I’m going to buck the trend here. I’ve been in this situation, my husband calling the same woman everyday while wfh. I caught some of the ‘chats’ and they were different to calls to other colleagues. Very cosy, close. In the end I discovered (overheard) very disloyal content about how she was nicer than me, making fun of me. Full blown affair. Be wary and watchful. Hopefully it’s nothing. It wasn’t in my case.

I have a colleague like this - it's not a scheduled call but we chat about work stuff and also private stuff as well. Nice to have someone to vent to but it's definitely platonic

Why is it puky to call a man a gentleman when he has done a gentlemanly thing? That he told you suggests there's nothing irregular about the connection. Do you compliment him on his manners and say things to boost him when he does something nice? You sound jealous and insecure, I'm sorry.

Sorry but it sounds shady to me. By mentioning his ex wife and this woman he is triangulating, he perhaps wants you to feel insecure.

That’s a red flag to me, biiig time, along with having what looks like an emotional affair in plain site.

And even if his intentions are good, both he/she should know better. People can say this won’t lead anywhere, bullshit. She’s snaky af ‘what a gentlemaaaan’, she knows what she’s doing.

I’d suggest you get yourself some very close male friends whom you talk to for min thirty minutes daily. He won’t mind.

Btw, don’t let people gaslight you on here. If your gut it telling you something, try not to obsess over it, let him trip himself up (which he will)

You could be insecure, but that insecurity sometimes comes from being in a toxic relationship in the first place tbh.

Mumsnet is a very naive place, with some awesome ladies. Be careful about advice from here, to put it bluntly, they hold men on a pedestal (which they don’t deserve)