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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p*ssed off DP has a pointless 30m call with a female work colleague every day?

155 replies

colachive · 23/04/2024 10:11

Just this. He has a 30 minute call with the same female work colleague (who he has stated "reminds him" of his ex-wife) every single work day. He's said it started as a project check in and now they just chat.

I don't really know how to bring this up with him but something about it just aggrevates me. It feels off. AIBU??

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 23/04/2024 10:42

Another red flag, he told me that during a meet up recently he moved her bag out of the way in a pub in case it got nicked; and she called him. “Gentleman”. Honestly quite puke worthy stuff.

That's not a red flag. It's not a flag at all. It's not even a small piece of bunting. I can't think of anything less worrying. If this is a red flag, you've got bigger problems!

Dishwashersaurous · 23/04/2024 10:42

Why did he feel the need to prove that he is busy?

He's at work, of course he's busy.

Is he not doing childcare or something and you need him to pull his weight?

Original poster
colachive · 23/04/2024 10:42

Haydenn · 23/04/2024 10:37

You’re first message I thought you were overreacting- I have had colleagues like this when I was working in high pressure situations and we would do this to get though it.

The comment about him being a gentleman is so low level I don’t know why he’d tell you unless he’s trying to make you jealous or play you. I make comments to colleagues, “aren’t you kind” etc. I’d be mortified if they were so proud of it they were reporting it onwards- he does sound like his heads been turned a bit

Yes exactly - it was like he was showing off to me about being called a gentleman! It was in the context of him telling me about the meet up.

I could easily be reading into it, though.

OP posts:
Original poster
colachive · 23/04/2024 10:44

KrisAkabusi · 23/04/2024 10:42

Another red flag, he told me that during a meet up recently he moved her bag out of the way in a pub in case it got nicked; and she called him. “Gentleman”. Honestly quite puke worthy stuff.

That's not a red flag. It's not a flag at all. It's not even a small piece of bunting. I can't think of anything less worrying. If this is a red flag, you've got bigger problems!

Good to know!

OP posts:
RollaCola84 · 23/04/2024 10:47

GoodnightAdeline · 23/04/2024 10:12

YANBU - he’s wasting 2.5 hours a week yakking away to her when he’s supposed to be working. No man devotes this much time to a random woman unless he fancies her, sorry

Edited

I probably average 15-20mins a day chatting to a work colleague, it started as 95% work 5% chat but can be the other way. We met as a result of working together but discovered we have stuff in common including shared dislike of a lot of the same people ! He's married to someone else in our business who he is clearly besotted with and he's very much not my type, it's an entirely platonic work friendship.

I do find it depressing the number of people who don't think men and women can just be mates.

KrisAkabusi · 23/04/2024 10:50

GoodnightAdeline · 23/04/2024 10:12

YANBU - he’s wasting 2.5 hours a week yakking away to her when he’s supposed to be working. No man devotes this much time to a random woman unless he fancies her, sorry

Edited

But she's not a random woman, she's a work colleague.

Caffeineneedednow · 23/04/2024 10:53

I have a coffee most days with one of my male colleagues. Been friends for years it is 100% platonic its just a chance to chat and blow off a bit of steam

I guess this is the WFH equivalent. In the real world men and women can be friends without it automatically meaning they secretly want to shag each other

Weighnow · 23/04/2024 10:56

This call is scheduled in his work diary, every single day?

Weighnow · 23/04/2024 10:57

I don't think her calling him a gentleman for a small kindness is a red flag. Him telling you about it probably is.

Original poster
colachive · 23/04/2024 11:03

Weighnow · 23/04/2024 10:56

This call is scheduled in his work diary, every single day?

Yes and it has been for a good few months - every single work day.

OP posts:
RollaCola84 · 23/04/2024 11:08

Weighnow · 23/04/2024 10:56

This call is scheduled in his work diary, every single day?

In my previous role I had a call scheduled every single day with a representative from another team. 10.30am every day for four years.

Someone having "Daily Check In - Daisy & Tom" in the calendar would not strike many people as remotely unusual.

StarlightLady · 23/04/2024 11:40

Caffeineneedednow · 23/04/2024 10:53

I have a coffee most days with one of my male colleagues. Been friends for years it is 100% platonic its just a chance to chat and blow off a bit of steam

I guess this is the WFH equivalent. In the real world men and women can be friends without it automatically meaning they secretly want to shag each other

This is exactly why, as a bisexual woman, l keep by bi side very discreet. Because so many will then think l could not be friends with anyone. The majority of people don’t want to hop into bed with everyone.

FrenchandSaunders · 23/04/2024 11:45

He sent you a screenshot of his diary to show how busy he is 🤣 … sounds like a wanker.

MILTOBE · 23/04/2024 11:45

Are you ever in the room when he has this call?

FrenchandSaunders · 23/04/2024 11:45

Maybe he should crack on with his busy day and stop talking to colleagues so much.

Riverlee · 23/04/2024 11:46

Is this during work time? If so, that’s 2 1/2 hours he wasting every week. It seems a bit odd that it’s a scheduled call also.

It founds like this platonic friendship’ could be the starting an emotional affair. It could be just chitter chatter, but what do they have talk about if they had a similar conversation the day before? I’d struggle to have a 30 minute chat with the sane person every day.

Josette77 · 23/04/2024 11:51

Don't punish your partner for your previous partners mistakes.

Your jealousy issues are yours to deal with, not him.

Rickrolypoly · 23/04/2024 11:52

wow- honestly you need to mind your business.

Who you partner talks to while he is in work and what calls he takes is non of your business.

I speak to male team mates all the time- sometimes about work specifics, sometimes just chatting. If my husband thought for one second he could tell me who I could and could not speak to in work and at what frequency he would quickly get told where to go.

you sound so controlling and possessive and you need to stop it.

TorroFerney · 23/04/2024 11:53

ZetuianRose · 23/04/2024 10:33

How are you finding this stuff out? I can’t picture a scenario where he just says “yeah works been ok, I had a catch up with “X” today, we used to have a project meeting but now we just use it for a 30 min chat each day”

Or “while we were at the pub, I moved “X’s” bag to keep it safe and she called me a gentleman”

it just sounds odd.

im Trying to spell mentionitiss but it looks wrong! But it does seem like that. She called me a gentleman (is the subtext she appreciates me? Who knows) The showing you the diary, I’ve occasionally done it when I do not have a gap and am triple booked but that’s more a ffs this is a bonkers Diary thing. What was the context op?

the mentioning she looks like his ex and then making time for her every day just seems like he’s saying that to get a rise out of you. I have male colleagues I catch up with, because most of my peers are male but every day and diarising it. Hmm

elizabethdraper · 23/04/2024 11:55

I rant/vent/chat/collab to the same people everyday at least once an hour
If my partner said anything to me, they would be told to cop the fuck on. What I do in work is nothing to do with him

I have 2 catch ups a day scheduled in my diary for the past 4 years and far into the future

I also have weekly coffee catch ups in my diary

Weighnow · 23/04/2024 11:55

Does he actually have the calls? Maybe they're there to block the time and make him look busy.

I have a weekly catch up with a colleague in my diary, but if we've nothing to discuss, we don't bother.

PostItInABook · 23/04/2024 12:07

Honestly, sometimes on here it seems like some women are only happy when their partner is either point blank ignoring or treating every other women like shit rather than with respect and kindness. God forbid you might find a decent bloke that prefers to treat all women well, not just his missus 🙄.

Sunshineandpinkclouds · 23/04/2024 12:18

None of us can tell if it's a normal work chit chat call or something else. If you're usually a rationale person and something feels off about this then it probably is or heading towards it.

exomoon · 23/04/2024 12:19

Whilst it's great to regularly offload on a colleague, a daily, scheduled calls for just a chat is insane. Once a month is one thing, daily is co-dependency.

It's also extremely off putting as that should be time he is working.

PostItInABook · 23/04/2024 12:20

Nobody works every minute of their working day. 🙄

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