About unruly teens and that mum at theatre

[DougJudysSisterTrudiesDog]

Name changed for this.

i took my DC and a friend to the theatre. The play is specifically geared for GCSE students, so basically everyone in the audience is 15/16, and every group must be accompanied by a parent.

The seat next to mine was empty. The next seat, and seats after that, had a group of teens that showed up with buckets of popcorn, pinched each other, playfought, talked and loudly munched non stop.

After 45 minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over the empty seat, gave the boy nearest to me a sharp tap on the shoulder (he was six feet tall so I’m guessing 16), and told him “Can you please stop talking? It’s really annoying”.

During the break, the mother came over to talk to me. I assumed she wanted to apologise. Wrong! She accused me of hitting her child, demanded I apologise, and said it was assault and if I ever did it again she would report me to the police. I said I did not hit her child, I tapped him on the shoulder, and she should have prevented her party from disrupting the performance long before I did so. I also told her it should be her boys apologising to me and others around us for ruining their evening. She kept repeating herself, so after a while, I said I thought the conversation was over.

Other parents also intervened: one dad said the boys hadn’t bothered him, and three other parents told the mother to drop it, that her children were very rude and that even if I hit the boy (I didn’t), that was justified by their behaviour and they would have done the same.

WIBU to tell the boy off? I don’t think I was. I think it’s possible my tap was sharper than I had wished, because he was leaning over the other side to chat to his friends, and I had to lean over the empty seat so it was a bit awkward. But I am 100% sure I did not hurt him, though I think I startled him. If I want to be charitable I would say the mum felt chastised about her parenting so she lashed out at me, and will give her head a wobble later. But as a regular theatre goer, I think I taught the boy a valuable life lesson.

AIBU?

In case this matters, I’ve never hit my DCs and I don’t agree with physical punishment or violence.

While I wouldn't have tapped him (because I could predict an overly hysterical response from someone claiming assault/violence/abuse) I would have either told him to shut up or stood up and got an usher.
I went to a play last year and a teenage school group were a nightmare. Loud talking, giggling, throwing food, phones on flasing away. Everyone gritted their teeth for a long while until a big bloke stood up, pointed his finger and shouted SHUT THE FUCK UP! There was a total silence from both the audience and the stage for a few moments, then the two people supervising the kids ushered them out. While it wasn't perhaps the most diplomatic and sensible of solutions, it worked. Big bloke was spoken to by the ushers, but remained for the rest of the play. I felt sorry for the actors, but the two seconds of swearing was better than the kids ruining the entire play for everyone.

Yeah of course you would

...law-abiding citizen aside from the punching in the face anyone who dares tap you on the shoulder?

And I was responding? Isn't that the point of online forums?

Don't be sad for us, we all have pretty decent lives! Just maybe a bit different from the standard. My DB and DSIS are very successful in their field too. I'd rather the younger life I had than being forced into mainstream education.

I went back to uni because I had no skills to make it otherwise (practical etc) and despite being from the background I am I have ambition.

But the casual racism against gypsies is something I will always call out.

@Alwaysalwayscold you sound utterly ghastly and more than a little pathetic

@Predictablenamechange1 , have you heard of Tara Westover’s memoir Educated? I think you might find it interesting.

Not all judgement is prejudice/casual racism. For instance, I disagree very strongly with the Taliban for not allowing Afghan girls to be educated. That doesn’t make me prejudiced. My judgement is based on the fact that there are very strong correlations between educational attainment and personal fulfilment, successful career, stability, non criminality, better health, longer life, home ownership and so on. To deprive children of an education is not a mark of a well functioning society. Not to mention the human rights implications.

Sign me up as another who'd like to get off this planet, please.

In my day we'd get two tellings off for behaving like that - one from the public, the second from our parents. Had we even raised the fact that we were tapped on the shoulder, it would've been a third telling off (because to get to that point, we'd have had to be behaving really badly).

Now parents ignore their children's behaviour and if anyone dares to admonish it they scream at them and accuse them of assault. And MN backs them up. That's modern parenting for you I guess.

No wonder we're losing so many teachers!

I have not. I'll look it up.

As I said though, my dad always said we were bright enough to make it anyway. And we did. I'm on the mumsnet fabled 'six figure salary' and my sibs aren't far off. And I wouldn't change my childhood for anything. At least it opened my mind a bit to other ways of living.

Realise this may not be appropriate or applicable for many kids, but it was for us.

I don’t disagree with tapping him and asking him to be quiet but you probably got his and his mother’s backs up by telling him he was really annoying.

What on earth is wrong with tapping someone to get their attention?

Talk about over-reaction!

Strong morals? Which bit?

Punching someone in the face for tapping you on the shoulder? Or punching the school child?

And "traditional values" is more bull.

'Traditionally' we used to drown and burn people accused of being witches. Great traditional values they were...

It is indeed. I thought you were replying as if my previous post was aimed at you personally.

My mistake.

I bet this 'child' was bigger than the OP...

I actually think this is really strange. You are a grown adult and instead of using your words you.... ate sweets? Seems a bit immature

I would generally try to avoid touching any stranger but sometimes it’s necessary to get their attention.

I would stop short of a “sharp” tap though (which the OP concedes might have been sharper than she intended). There’s a difference between tapping someone to get their attention and physically reprimanding someone, and OP may have slightly transgressed that line.

The law is based on a trial not the opinion of one person.

No you were not wrong. They are just people who have never heard no in their lives in all probability. However you can have some sympathy for the boy since it's pretty clear his mother is the origin of the issue....