About unruly teens and that mum at theatre

[DougJudysSisterTrudiesDog]

Name changed for this.

i took my DC and a friend to the theatre. The play is specifically geared for GCSE students, so basically everyone in the audience is 15/16, and every group must be accompanied by a parent.

The seat next to mine was empty. The next seat, and seats after that, had a group of teens that showed up with buckets of popcorn, pinched each other, playfought, talked and loudly munched non stop.

After 45 minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over the empty seat, gave the boy nearest to me a sharp tap on the shoulder (he was six feet tall so I’m guessing 16), and told him “Can you please stop talking? It’s really annoying”.

During the break, the mother came over to talk to me. I assumed she wanted to apologise. Wrong! She accused me of hitting her child, demanded I apologise, and said it was assault and if I ever did it again she would report me to the police. I said I did not hit her child, I tapped him on the shoulder, and she should have prevented her party from disrupting the performance long before I did so. I also told her it should be her boys apologising to me and others around us for ruining their evening. She kept repeating herself, so after a while, I said I thought the conversation was over.

Other parents also intervened: one dad said the boys hadn’t bothered him, and three other parents told the mother to drop it, that her children were very rude and that even if I hit the boy (I didn’t), that was justified by their behaviour and they would have done the same.

WIBU to tell the boy off? I don’t think I was. I think it’s possible my tap was sharper than I had wished, because he was leaning over the other side to chat to his friends, and I had to lean over the empty seat so it was a bit awkward. But I am 100% sure I did not hurt him, though I think I startled him. If I want to be charitable I would say the mum felt chastised about her parenting so she lashed out at me, and will give her head a wobble later. But as a regular theatre goer, I think I taught the boy a valuable life lesson.

AIBU?

In case this matters, I’ve never hit my DCs and I don’t agree with physical punishment or violence.

@Gettingonmygoat now you are being factitious. In the case of preventing harm of course acting accordingly is permitted. The op doesn't refer to any impending danger😠🤬

@Marblessolveeverything

But if you'd tapped me on the shoulder I'd have punched you in the face, without a doubt.

Anyone laying a hand on my children would be in serious trouble and I mean any and all legal options available to me.

And people like this is why the world is going to shit. What an utterly ridiculous overreaction to a 16 year old being tapped on the shoulder.

I wonder would it be the same if OP tapped him on the shoulder to tell him he'd dropped his wallet?

@Marblessolveeverything what makes you think the brat was in fear of assault?

Yep, modern British parenting in action. And you wonder why we have teachers leaving in droves.

@Noyesnoyes what makes you think he wasn't? The law is based on the persons own opinion that is the bar.

Really, people are okay with strangers touching them? Yep can see that going well as plenty have said their first reaction may be to strike out. It isn't difficult, keep your hands to yourself and use your words, the three year olds actually get this!

OK say for example an elderly person fell over and they instinctively grabbed someone next to them. If the person that was grabbed told the police they felt threatened do you think the elderly person would be arrested? If it's all based on how the person felt then surely the answer is yes?

Same as the example above. If you tapped someone wearing headphones to tell them they dropped their wallet, if that person rang the police and said they felt threatened because the person touched them would the other person be arrested?

I disagree. You don't put your hands on someone without expecting them to retaliate.

Brilliant 😂

@Flocke the law would work on the balance of the individuals. So older person falling, imminent danger, not assault.

But really it is so simple. Keep your hands to yourself. Honestly this is why I despair. The OP tapped, poked, touched a teen she should have used her words, simples.

You were right 100%

But if you'd tapped me on the shoulder I'd have punched you in the face, without a doubt.

Ooh, you're 'ard

She tapped him to get his attention without speaking. That's the whole point.

But if the person the older person grabbed FELT like they were assaulted why were they not? You said it was about how the person felt. The person being tapped isn't being assaulted either. But they might feel like it.
Using words doesn't help if the person is wearing headphones or maybe deaf. Tapping to alert them they dropped their wallet may be appropriate.

Honestly this is why no one stops to help anyone anymore.

It's not about being "hard". In my walk of life (gypsy) if you'd tapped someone's child on the shoulder you'd be lucky if that's all you got. We are extremely loving and generous people but there are certain lines in life that you don't cross. One of those being giving someone a "sharp tap" on the shoulder.

@Flocke yes it is how a person felt. A court would be ruling and they balance up the perspectives of the individuals.

As extremely loving and generous people i take it you wouldn't allow your offspring to behave like brats like these ones in the theatre did, i assume you would never allow them to upset other people.

I can pretty much guarantee that someone tapping someone else on the shoulder to tell them they've dropped their wallet would never make it to court.

No I wouldn't. In fact our children are usually extremely well behaved because they are brought up with respect and discipline, not gentle parenting.

"should have used her words" Seriously ! But then i suppose "shut the fuck up you bratty little twat before i knock you out" would have been ok.

@dapsnotplimsolls @Gettingonmygoat . I will say it once more and then leave because it is obvious this discussion is just going in a circle.

The OP should have used her words not hands but@Gettingonmygoat your version is assault as you are using threatening language .

It isn't that difficult to ask or ask staff there is no need to touch another person or threaten.

Sorry can't delete your name from the post ditalini.
@ditalini

It's fine what you did.

Your post sums up what is wrong with many youngsters in the country. They don't behave because they've not been parented properly, someone else gets frustrated by the poor behaviour in a public place and says something. Then the parent appears out of nowhere and kicks off for all the wrong reasons rather than back up the original complaint.

There's a lot of truth in the saying it takes a village to raise a child.

I had it happen to me years ago at a kids playground in Spain. One older child of this really really rough British family was dropping F bombs all over the place and I didn't really want my 4 and 5 year olds hearing that whilst they were playing on the swings. So I told the boy to stop swearing, I could understand everything he was saying and it was inappropriate. Then his mother identified herself from all the parents sitting around on benches, OMG well it was almost funny she was clearly some gangsters wife, probably out there to lie low for a bit. Made a total exhibition of herself whilst I icily told her what the behaviour norms in that area were and how they were drawing attention to themselves for all the wrong reasons whilst no doubt they were meant to be keeping a low profile. I was surprisingly never scared at all. I've never ever come across anyone as rough as they were before or since (thank goodness).

But it's not just rough people are like this as you've found out. It's such a shame. If only they used their energy to get the kids to behave in the first place.

You did absolutely the right thing. The mother, rightly so should be very embarrassed and she's projecting her embarrassment onto you by being angry that someone dared tell her little angel to be quiet. Diddums 😡

And I would block it and karate chop you before you knew what day it was.

FFS, what a stupid comment. Tap, tap, excuse me?!?? Punch. That's how you respond? I don't think earth is the planet for you.

I wouldn't have been happy if you have tapped my child. I would have told my children to have been quieter before it had gotten to that point. I wouldn't have threatened the police but would have politely told you not to touch my child and that it wasn't appropriate. I would have apologised for the noise level however.

I don't think munching on popcorn would have been an issue.