Does this sound aggressive to you?

[queensonia]

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

@Hippomumma2 🤣

Has the cat turned up?

I think we know why Fluffy fucked off.

You're terrible Muriel! 😆 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oooops, was that too many exclamation marks??????

Why isn't anyone talking to me ?????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry. I'll stop now. 😆

OP have you written back? I’d say ‘what do you mean?????’

I don’t see 2 ?’s aggressive but ??? + probably is a bit demanding.

The full stops are worse, my mum is terrible for them. ‘I’m home from Tesco…..’ ‘Ring me….’ ‘Your dad’s not well…..’ (he’s got a sore throat). So ominous!

I woukd reply “ and so does your reply message “
stuff her

lol. I would reply with, I’m really sorry I offended you!!! I hope fluffy is ok……

Oh God I do this sometimes......

I must stop!

😂😂 Perfect

(argh, misquoted - I meant that for the ‘yes I did mean that aggressively’ response.)

I can’t bear overzealous use of ???? - it does feel very overbearing and dramatic.

I’d have the impression from this text that my neighbour found it annoying / somehow deeply unacceptable that I hadn’t kept them updated about the cat. I wouldn’t say anything though. And I probably wouldn’t feel like that at all if I had an otherwise friendly relationship with the neighbour.

Honestly how do people function in society if the addition of a single extra question mark is so upsetting to them? I genuinely don't get it.

Well I would have assumed you had fat thumbs (like me) and accidentally sent an extra question mark. I can see how it might be aggressive in certain contexts "Are you nearly here???????" "Do you even love me????????" but not when you're asking about her cat! How is Fluffy by the way? Why haven't you updated about Fluffy???

It shows strong emotions and in this case concern for the cat. How on earth can it be aggressive? There is zero excuse for 2 question marks to irritate someone. All caps or bold can be annoying to the eye, but 2 question marks? I would not send her any other messages and I would not reply to her again until she thinks about her petiness and apologises. Whoever thinks someone sounds 'rude' or 'demanding' in a clear context showing concern over the welfare of an animal is bonkers.

I definitely use multiple question marks aggressively 😂 for example if I text DH a question and he doesn't answer (quite a common occurrence!) I sometimes follow up with ??? ten or fifteen minutes later! Then he usually answers 😂

How unbelievably rude of her to send that text!

I would text back, "how rude are you?"

There is legal precedent here! www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9379661/Lecturer-unfairly-sacked-role-using-question-marks-texts-tribunal-finds.html

Fars fluffy?

I'd assume you really want to know how the cat is! But maybe she read it as 'why haven't you updated me sooner' but even so aggressive is a strong term.

I'd be less inclined to converse less with her.

@ChedderGorgeous

what age is 'older' in this claim?

how old are you?

us 'older' people don't have to use minimal punctuation because your generation is. 'Wet'

I would reply

“says you “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! “”

@Left is “kind regards” not acceptable now either?! Since when? I genuinely use that for the majority of my email sign offs!

@queensonia I'd assume 'fluffy' is still missing and she's feeling very upset. She maybe feels guilty about fluffy going missing and feel people blame her?

Don't take it to heart.

i think between friends it's ok, if you're messing about (friend sends photo of cake/cocktail/coffee & you. Reply where's mine?? )

but in other situations it can come across as a bit arsey. (To DH. I thought it was your job to feed the dog???)

I think generally it's fine though

I really don't like it either. I have to communicate with one person in HR in a large health care agency and she always does this. Multiple question marks for everything. Having said that, she does it in a professional capacity and I think it's not on as a result. Not sure I'd feel so strongly if it was neighbourly/friend etc and I certainly wouldn't say anything as your neighbour bodily did.

You were kindly concerned about her cat. Chalk it up to she's stressed and you were an easy target.