Does this sound aggressive to you?

[queensonia]

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

😆

Maybe she's having a bad day I think your message was fine in that context, but if it's something you 'always' do, as she's said, then yes it can seem a bit impatient/pushy/aggressive.

Also, did you mean to be so rude??

Fluffy is in witness protection

Texting is almost a whole other language with weird rules and shit.

Punctuation, abbreviations, the lot.
It's a developing form of communication so it's confusing but rules are developing and yes, excessive question marks have different meanings.

A sliding scale.
?= a question
??????? = rude and demanding as fuck

To me, more than one question mark indicates urgency, as though you'd asked already and hadn't received a reply.

Did you you require an update urgently??

Do you also throw in the odd exclamation mark?! Be use that could be considered rude!!!

"Because I want to!!!!!!!!! Only bleedin asking!!!!!"

She sounds batshit fucking crazy.
I would be so touched if you sent me a text asking me about my cat.
Don't let her issues become yours x

Thanks for all the feedback. It seems like 50% of people would interpret it as me being demanding (which wasn't my intention at all) and the other half wouldn’t give it a second thought. We need some sort of rule book I think so we don’t accidentally start World War 3 with a misplaced semi-colon.

It does come across as impatient or as though the sender is irritated by being kept waiting for an answer. I wouldn’t have said anything given that you were helping me out, but if nobody had ever told you you’d keep doing it and putting people’s backs up.

Showing my ignorance here, but does that mean that when I double x, I'm implying horniness? Is it inappropriate to 'xx' to anyone but my DH?

I wouldn’t worry.
If I had got a text message with question marks on I would think that the person was concerned about the cat.
IMO I think your neighbour is being petty.
Just act normal next time you see her. But I would keep your distance.

Sounds like Fluffy has the right idea!

I would read it as you chasing up a response that you had already expected to receive. It doesn’t convey concern to me at all and I’m Gen X.

😂😂😺
Let's hope so.

Oh bloody hell. I never even thought of that. I wonder who else I’ve offended over the years

My kids told me if I use punctuation of any type in a text it means I'm angry. Generally the two things are not related.

More than one ? Triggers me. It's rude.

Did she find the cat? 😆

Can I ask why you’d think it’s rude if it’s coming from a friend and not in a work context? I’m genuinely trying to understand the nuances here.

I find more than one question mark a bit aggressive and impatient - I would be probably be shorter and less friendly with my reply than I would if it was just one question mark.

I am quite impressed by your neighbor confronting it head on, I wouldn’t have the balls to do it 😂

The double space before your question mark triggers me. As a pedant I find it rude.

My mum said a similar thing to me as apparently I use too many exclamation marks 😅 maybe it's a generational thing?!

I'd just have assumed that it was a typo, to be honest.

I know I use too many exclamation marks but I just don't care!
I don't think you were being aggressive OP. Shows you are worried about her cat!