To think it’s rude not to wave your guests goodbye?

[Pastelbuttercream]

I was brought up to always wave guests goodbye at the door and only shut the front door once they had driven off. This was the norm when I was growing up, everyone did it. If they were not parked near your house you’d walk to their car and wave them off there.

The amount of people who do not do this anymore surprises me. I always feel it’s rude but maybe I am out of touch?

If you don’t wave your guests off, why not? (besides having to close the door incase your toddler runs out, this I completely understand!)

Am I old fashioned? Is this not a thing anymore?

Like many, I hate this! My mother in law still does it. It’s not so bad now as they moved closer to us and kids are older (so often not with us), but when they were little and lived that bit further away it was awful being watched while we got them in the car, packed up and then tried to manoeuvre out of the tiny car space we always had to squeeze into on their road.

Please stop, you will be making your guests very uncomfortable!

I say goodbye, see you soon and shut the door. Excess waving and standing at the door just gives me more time to say something really awkward that will make me regret having the visitors over in the first place.

I used to, but 2 dogs and a baby make it impossible. X

My 97 granny still insists on doing this. She stands with her zimmer at the door until we're completely out of view!

It's practically the law. Guests must also beep their horn and wave when leaving!

I think it's rude to stand at the door, watching them get into the car, waiting for them to organise themselves and then insist in waving until they are out of sight. When it happens to me, I feel like I have to rush, I start feeling overwhelmed and inevitably stall the car because I'm trying to leave as quickly as possible so they can go back into the house. I like to get in the car, set up my Spotify, set my satnav up etc, sometimes I might have to Google the address or whatever, I just want to do it in peace without someone watching me.

It isn't rude .

Gosh, I've always done this, but i'm in my late 50s, so maybe I'm old fashioned - it was just what i learned off my parents growing up. However there are occasions when it is freezing out and I have to close the door, but not before the obligatory wave. I don't necessarily expect it of anyone I am visiting though, especially if they have other guests still there to attend to.

I guess, nowadays with all the pre-mentioned gadgets to sort out (sat nav/music etc) it's probably best to give a quick wave and let them crack on with sorting themselves out😀

Yes!!!! Totally agree 🙂

Everyone in my family waves visitors off at the door, it's good manners to do so. I think people who don't, must not have been taught good manners. We don't go so far as to walk them to their car, if it's not close to the property though.

I'm sixty and don't remember this being a thing among my friends and family. I certainly wouldn't expect it of anyone - once I'm out the door I'm heading toward my car, looking where I'm going, not looking back waving. If it's ever done at all it's more a mutual taking-the-piss sort of thing.

I guess, nowadays with all the pre-mentioned gadgets to sort out (sat nav/music etc) it's probably best to give a quick wave and let them crack on with sorting themselves out😀

Sometimes new technology isn't easier and doesn't save time! Switching on an old fashioned radio just involves pressing one button on the dashboard;-) Even pressing play to listen to a tape or CD doesn't take very long!

I understand but, at the same time, I think good manners are lovely, sadly dying out. Its out of caring and politeness that your hosts are doing this. Can't you just respond with a wave, go on your way, then stop around the corner and do all those things that you would otherwise have done before setting off? Or just say to your hosts "Oh, please don't hang around in the cold to wave me off - I take an age setting my satnav up etc and need to send a couple of emails before I go." No-one would mind.

@Scarlet99 Can't you just respond with a wave, go on your way, then stop around the corner and do all those things that you would otherwise have done before setting off?

People do do just that. But isn’t it rude to pressure your guests to leave before they’re ready?

No - it would be if that was the intention. I think the gesture comes from a good place. I just don't think it's worth getting upset over. Either drive around the corner and do stuff or be assertive and tell them that you'll be ages getting ready to go. It's really not difficult.

It's not pressuring them to be on their way. Usually it's the opposite, especially when it comes to people like me who are parents to adults, and grandparents to little ones. We want to make the most of our time with them, we love them and are a bit sad when it's time for them to leave (even if we're exhausted) So we go out and wave them into the distance. Just as my parents and in-laws did.

I agree that good manners are lovely. I also think that good manners evolve with time. In a time where cars were more unreliable and all a person had to do when they got to the car was drive off, it made sense. But given that poll in this thread is 70% not liking the waving, either because they want to faff in the car, or don’t like the pressure of being watched, then I think etiquette is moving on this one. I wouldn’t send a thank you letter in the post following a dinner party as my grandparents would have done, not because I’m less polite, but because society has changed with technology, and a text message is standard etiquette today. Manners are meant to make people feel comfortable, and having to drive around a corner to pull up when I was already safely parked is the opposite of that.

I don’t think it’s unusual to have children who are fractious after a visit, too much stimulation, too much sugar, tired, etc. Many of the people who are replying saying they don’t like being waved off have said it’s because they feel pressured during what is a potentially stressful time when getting kids situated and ready to leave, so I don’t think I’m that unusual in that respect.
I understand what you were brought up with, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true. I was raised that not wearing a coat would make you ill, that isn’t true. What I’m saying is there’s not anything inherently rude in saying goodbye waving and then going inside.

So you chose to leave really early but then are upset they didn’t get up?? Did you have a nice visit? Were they good hosts? If yes then surely that says more about how they feel about you then getting up and disrupting their sleep to wave at you?

Which is fine if everyone involved is happy to do it that way. But if your child said ‘actually I find it stressful when you wave us off’ then surely it would be polite to not do it?

I think people need to communicate their needs and preferences more tbh. I have no problem with saying ‘I’m going in now, love you bye’. Or ‘can you not stand outside waving us off, it stresses DC1 out too much, a Swift goodbye is better’. So many people on this thread don’t seem to be able to use their words.

That’s such a lovely thing to do at your Dad’s funeral!

I would have thought driving 7 hours to visit someone would warrant a quick cheerio when I left. It was about 7am, not the middle of the night. If you have a different opinion fine, but that’s my opinion.

Gosh.

I regularly visit family, and leave early (but later than 7, more like 7.45) to get home. I would never expect them to disturb their sleep just to suit my travel timetable. That's the worst time to have sleep disturbed, as it's unlikely they'll get back to sleep again before they have to get up for the day.

@MotherWaver Ooh Ken Dodd - yes, I think it was. That's stirred some memories for me. Thank you. 😁

I was setting off early from Cornwall to Manchester on my own and it was their advice I set off early to avoid the congestion at Bristol. Do your family live 7 or more hours away? Regardless of what you say, I think they should have said goodbye.