To think it’s rude not to wave your guests goodbye?

[Pastelbuttercream]

I was brought up to always wave guests goodbye at the door and only shut the front door once they had driven off. This was the norm when I was growing up, everyone did it. If they were not parked near your house you’d walk to their car and wave them off there.

The amount of people who do not do this anymore surprises me. I always feel it’s rude but maybe I am out of touch?

If you don’t wave your guests off, why not? (besides having to close the door incase your toddler runs out, this I completely understand!)

Am I old fashioned? Is this not a thing anymore?

As a guest I bloody hate this. I often like to sit in my car for a few moments setting up my music and getting maps open and making sure I have a drink,snack to hand, and that I'm a good temperature before setting off. People waiting for me to leave makes me feel hassled !!!

I thought it was only parents and grandparents who did this.

My mum waves us off at the window which leads to awkwardness as DH is inevitably faffing about with Satnav and music before we go.

I love being seen off properly and find it really sad when folks see me out of the door, then disappear and close it behind me, especially if I’ve come a long way to see them. It feels like they can’t get rid of you fast enough. I always see my own guests off, but try to be sensitive about it. If they give hints, like needing to sort the sat nav out, then I take it that they dont want to be waved goodbye and then will say something like ‘ l’ll leave , you to it then, but do let me know if there’s anything I can do to help’, then will go inside. So I’m with you OP.

I’m envisaging it … and getting a clear image.

The replies are so funny, I haven't laughed this hard at a thread in a long time.

The waving off at the door was always a running joke in our house.

We grew up in a posh suburb of a city with two sets of cousins nearby; the 'city cousins'. School holidays would always be spent on 'the farm' visiting our grandparents and our 'country cousins'. Absolutely brilliant times. Country cousins lived in a very rural part of the country. Whenever we would pull up outside the house they'd all run out, hundreds of them (ok 8) and surround the car all noise and excitement and welcomes. When we'd leave they'd all be lined up outside the house waving us off and we'd watch them getting smaller and smaller in the rear window.

In our Big City life a wave from the door as guests walked to the car sufficed.

We inevitably became asshole teens who were bored of the farm but had to go, then hit our early twenties and didn't bother anymore. Driving off we all refused to wave back instead sneering at how hick they were lined up outside the house. We were very sophisticated and successful by then and assumed our Country Cousins would be wowed by our stylish clothes, impressive jobs and innate coolness if we ever crossed paths (unlikely).

A few years later some events threw us together and I realised all Country Cousins now lived in the city not working jobs but each running their own successful company, owned property, charmed our friends and generally made us look like utter knobs in comparison. They could buy and sell us by that point while we could barely afford the rent in our filthy hosueshares. Of course as they were inherently great people they still seemed delighted to see us and hadn't ever picked up on our earlier arrogance as well, they were busy living their impressive lives and I love spending time with them whenever there is a chance.

I'm middle aged now, the farm is gone but their mother still lives there. I took my LO there last year, it was adorable to hear her screeching when we pulled up outside to the sight of my auntie, one of my cousins, his wife and four little kids standing outside the house, the dogs barking and smiley faces all round.

The day we drove off, I watched my daughter in the mirror waving manically through the back window and my heart sang.

Keep waving them off OP, it's lovely.

@aSpanielintheworks "In a similar way, if I'm driving after a night out, I always wait and make sure the person is inside their house before I drive away - yet most of my friends think that's weird and just drop and go!"

I do that too, I don't want them to think they've been abandoned in case they can't get in. I also live in the middle of nowhere as do most people I know so we've no street lights if I drove off and they didn't have outside lights on they'd be in darkness.

No I hate it. My Mother In Law was one for doing this and even worse waved a white handkerchief until we could no longer see her in the rear view mirror. 🙄

I wave them outside, unless is a really awful weather, if do I great them inside and stalked them through the window to see they depart without problem.
I like to see them going well without issues.

I ALWAYS run after the car throwing rose petals. It’s just how I was brought up.

We do it for our DC and my brother and did for our parents when they were living. Goodbyes said then we stand on the porch and watch them get in the car. Then when the car starts moving down the driveway we wave again & they toot the horn as they drive away. We live on property so the horn isn't going to bother anyone and there's no walking anyone to their car as it's in front of the house. For our friends or other relatives we usually say goodbyes on the porch and stand there until they open their car doors, say goodbye a last time, then we go indoors.

Funny how these little rituals develop. I don't think there's a rude or polite way to say goodbye to guests unless you're booting them out the door and slamming it behind them.

I already replied saying I dislike being waved off too. But I'm intrigued by how many people think it's sad or rude to check your phone when you get in to the car. I see it as the opposite that I've politely not looked at my phone while visiting and when I get to my car I'll check any messages, if a long journey I may text to say I'm setting off so my husband knows when to expect me.

Although it's not just phones, again on a long journey I will also take off my jacket, start my music, satnav, sort out the kids and generally just make sure I'm completely ready so I can safely drive away without faffing while driving.

@Ohnodontwantthiscrush Loved reading that!

I'm 40 and had absolutely no idea this was a thing!

Never done it or had it done to me.

Oh god...I do this but I don't like having it done to me as I like to get into my car without feeling rushed and watched. I might not do it anymore. Just maybe wait till they're at their car.Except people who've come a long way. I'm glad you posted this!

I always do this at the door at least, 50/50 on the drive for formal wave-off. And get the kids back if they've disappeared to say goodbye.

I've noticed English people don't do goodbyes (or hellos for that matter) as fully as other cultures. Not sure why.

Omg my nan used to do this... The road off was very long and straight, but I always remember waving until out of sight. I loved it.

My MIL took it one step further in that once I was in the driving seat of the car she'd slam the car door shut for me, this I didn't like!!! Once I was not ready and the door caught my wrist funny, or she didn't push with enough force and would have to re-open the door to re-shut again. Let me close my own car door please! Or they'd give instructions how to reverse out of the spot. 🙄

It's bad enough leaving a party by having to traipse round every guest, let alone being made to hurry up on the doorstep whilst MIL tries to make me wear a coat in the car and FIL commentates on manoeuvring off their awkward drive.

@Ohnodontwantthiscrush so lovely!
My kids used to run down our street next to the departing car too. Sigh, good times....

Parting is special and should be marked!

I've noticed English people don't do goodbyes (or hellos for that matter) as fully as other cultures. Not sure why.

Ooh!

I'm curious to know what a full hello/goodbye is!

My father in law does this every. Single. Time. Whenever we visit, we tend to want to make sure we have everything, make sure baby is safely fastened in, have a moment before we set off but you feel like you have to race off he’s just there in the doorway watching, waiting to start waving and calling out to be careful as the road is busy (it isn’t particularly). I love my FIL very much but having him lurk in the doorway is just disconcerting. My parents are the same, I think it’s more of an old-fashioned thing.

I like it generally and still do it when possible - it's just when you're child wrangling or sorting the Satnav etc!

My DP stand on the pavement and wave enthusiastically til I've gone, and I love it .. I'm 48.

An elderly couple live over the road from me , and the lady never walks out of the house, only stands in the open doorway.
Her husband does all the coming and going, and the lady waves him off the drive every single time, and doesn’t shut the door until he has driven down the road.
Even if he only goes out for 10 minutes. I first noticed it during lockdown when we were all stuck at home looking out of the window for entertainment, and have observed it ever since on numerous occasions.

My mum (mid 60s) comments that I am rude if I don’t do this; and she will always do it when I leave hers. I find it so awkward when someone stands silently waving, especially if it’s an awkward drive and it takes a few manoeuvres to get out of there, I’d rather just a kiss goodbye at the door then close it and let me get on with leaving. This is what I do, but she finds it rude!

I hate this as a guest it makes me feel so rushed, just go inside

I' m really surprised at the number of people who have to ,sort out their sat nav and give the kids drinks before they set off!