To think it’s rude not to wave your guests goodbye?

[Pastelbuttercream]

I was brought up to always wave guests goodbye at the door and only shut the front door once they had driven off. This was the norm when I was growing up, everyone did it. If they were not parked near your house you’d walk to their car and wave them off there.

The amount of people who do not do this anymore surprises me. I always feel it’s rude but maybe I am out of touch?

If you don’t wave your guests off, why not? (besides having to close the door incase your toddler runs out, this I completely understand!)

Am I old fashioned? Is this not a thing anymore?

Of course. All anyone who doesn't like it has to say is "I'm going to be a while getting myself together, so do go indoors"

It's just never occurred to me that anyone wouldn't like it. If I've been visiting a good friend or much loved family member and they just shut their front door on me, I find it really abrupt.
Maybe waving until they actual open their car door is a compromise.

I love this. I usually do it with close family and my MIL always does it with us. My Mum doesn’t and it always makes me a tiny little bit sad when we drive back past her house and she’s already gone in, I know that’s BU of me and I’d never say anything to her about it!

I feel that to close the door and not wave goodby is somehow rude and gives off vibes of ‘I’m glad you’ve left ‘

Yep, like they can't wait to get rid of you. That's how I feel, too.

I was brought up to always be ace guests out of sight. My dp does it too because I like him to-but he thinks I'm weird.

Only for immediate family, grandchildren really

this.

I also hate it as its usually the older, infirm people that do it as well which is even more annoying! Go inside, stop the heat escaping, go make sure you're ok before i leave, what with you being prone to falls, or disabled - stop standing at the door straining to see me walking the 200m down the street to my car, stop coming into the garden so you can see me getting into the car and standing on tip toes so you can see over the bush, and stop waving... Stop it go inside. #overthinking

I wave from the door and stay there until they're in the car, but I'm not going to make people feel rushed getting ready for their journey by standing there awkwardly whilst they set their sat nav up, message their partner, wrestle a child into a car seat etc.
I'd feel that was quite rude because it's putting my desire to appear polite and be seen to do the 'right' thing above the guests' comfort.

My in laws do the waving thing. I find it irritating now as we live a 5 min drive away and see them regularly. When they lived over an hour's drive away it felt more natural eg they won't see us for a while so fair enough, but not now after popping by for a cup of tea, just feels weird and annoying.

Edited: the only other people who wave us off are my grandparents, who are in their 90s.

In my case it's not politeness that keeps me there. Waving off is something I do for people I love or am very close to. I'm generally sorry to see them go, and waving off is a gesture of warmth, to me.

Again, obviously it's a conversation I need to have with those I wave off, in case they're among the apparent majority who hate this.
One of them is a prompt door shutter when I visit, so I'll start with her

And here's me thinking that my grandparents had this huge love for me. They'd shut the door and then rush to the kitchen window at the side of the house, slide open their café style net curtains and keep on waving good-buyes until I was (and they were to me) just little specks in the distance down the road. Sometimes I'd see them wipe a tear away. It is, hand on heart, the most loved I've ever felt.

I walked past that window as an adult and without them being there, I caught a stray tear of my own.

I'd rather not think of any of it relating to "good manners".
Don't do it to appear polite, do it out of love. The former can be irritating, the latter will always be appreciated.

My late FiL used to wave us off and I always worried when he got a bit frail and would have trouble walking that he might trip on the way back in.
I agree it's pretty old fashioned now although a lot of people will see you to the door, but not wave.

I do it I’m mid 30’s Was brought up with family and friends doing it. If someone doesn’t do it I find it rude actually.

Just because you were brought up to do something doesn’t make it right or needing to honour your elders. Giving babies alcohol and taking thalidomide was also normal but times change.

Personally my DH thinks it’s rude to watch someone reverse and turn around and tells me to shut the door and not watch/wave!

I (mid-forties) am a waver-off of people who have travelled a long way and people I really like / have just had a great time with. It's a way of extending the visit to the last possible moment.
Equally, I will see them to the door, but close it once they have gone down the front steps to their car if:

(a) I can sense they are needing to faff, or they tell me they need time to faff;
(b) the weather is dreadful and I want to keep the house warm; or
(c) there are several guests in several cars and I am maybe getting coats etc for those still in the house. Then I won't wave off even the last to leave. Don't know why.

My grandparents were the most prolific wavers-off I have ever known. They lived in a residential road set back from, but parallel to, a busy road with a shrubbery in between the two roads. You had to drive down their little residential road away from their house, then turn back on yourself onto the busy road, so you passed their house again. They would wave us all the way down the residential road, and then emerge in the shrubbery to wave us up the busy road too! I always felt that they loved us a lot, and were sad to see us go.

My sister often doesn't even come to the door to see me out, and if she does she closes it the minute you're out. It makes me feel dismissed, even though I know she doesn't mean to come across that way.

Yes I agree if there is much manoeuvring involved, you shouldn't watch and wave. Should have added that to my list.

I wave off my daughters to uni each term. DH drives them to the railway station.

They have both said they like it... the last thing they see is me smiling and waving goodbye. (I stand by the door till DH starts to pull away, then I wave.)

DH drops them at a drive-through-drop-and-go at the station, and they wave him off too.

Visitors hanging around for ages before actually leaving is something I find really annoying and awkward - we've said goodbye so I don't want to run into you ten minutes later when I'm dashing out to go somewhere else. I can't really relax until people have properly gone.

As far as manners go - my instinct is to wave long-distance visitors off but I never stand at the door if someone's said I should go inside (and I wouldn't hesitate to tell people to go inside if I'm the one leaving and need time).

The door being shut very quickly feels very rude to me, I think it feels like the host just wants the visitor out of their sight as fast as possible ("you're still here at my house but I don't want you taking up a minute more of my time").

Having someone start to wave me off but also offer to go inside quite quickly doesn't feel like that though, so to me that feels like a good compromise.

My grandmother did it. Grandfather used to stand looking ready to bolt, but she loved it and would wave and blow kisses, which we children would all enthusiastically blow back. My poor DM hated it as they had a very long drive that she had to reverse down and did not enjoy the audience or kiss blowing going on while she tried to! I remember one day she snapped: “ oh just stop encouraging them!” I was really shocked but totally get it now!

adult goes down. kids wave at the window

Oh I always wave guests off. I'm surprised to hear it's old fashioned.

My kids (6 and 8) wave me off to work every day. They walk to the end of the drive and wave as a I cycle away. 😊

This definitely used to be the done things years ago, certainly for people who had driven a distance, and it would have been seen as incredibly rude not to. The routine for us after visiting my grandparents was we all gathered on the street everybody gave and received a tearful hug, my grandma shoved a fiver in my pocket during our hug and said don’t tell your granda, my grandad would give me a hug and also shove a fiver in my pocket and say don’t tell your grandma, then my auntie , who would have travelled to my grandmas house especially for ‘the send off’ would do the same and say dont tell your mam. Then we would get in and drive off with EVERYBODY waving, car occupants included, until we were out of sight. We would then pull over and sort out coats cardigans sweets Radio Etc and count our money😊😂 sometimes if it was pissing down we would beg them not to but they still would insist. I’m 50 now and I really miss those days. It was also definitely not just my family , it was the done thing.
forgot to say I usually see people out and chat while they load kids etc in they go back indoors . If it’s people I see more regularly I usually just shut the door , my mum waves is off without fail still tho !

That’s a lovely memory! Life was the richer for all these little traditions and efforts.

Now people just sit round farting about on their phone.

Sometimes I don't get off the sofa when my guests leave... just holla "bye" at them.

I suppose I am old now so see it as rudeness if someone does not at least see you to the door, Of course if it is bitterly cold they wouldn't but would wave at the window.