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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU with husband about deodorant

126 replies

Andrea130215 · 21/04/2024 20:51

So I have forgotten to buy some deodorant over a few days as been busy with work/ kids and not had time. Husband offered to buy some in the Tesco weekly shop which suited me and I sent him screen shots of the deodorant (roll on) that I have always used and refuse to use the spray deodorants as bad for the environment and also make me cough! So whilst we were at our children’s swim class my husband started doing the food shop order and checked if a bigger size deodorant was ok, I said yes and thought nothing more of it. This evening the shopping came and the deodorants I had pulled out were deodorant sprays (assumed they were for husband as kids were also messing about so didn't pay complete attention!) any how he then said here’s your deodorant I got so annoyed and had quite a go at him showed him the photos I’d text him of what I wanted and said I can’t use what was ordered. He then went on to say I didn’t specify roll on / spray but when I tried to show him photos of how different a spray bottle which has a cap on and a roll on look he then started having a go at me saying it’s my fault as he had ‘double checked’ with me! So annoyed as he’s never in the whole time we’ve been together seen me use a deodorant spray I’ve always used roll on so I assumed he’d just know. I usually stick to getting my own toiletries and the one time I trusted him in 10+yrs this happens. I’m so annoyed but he just doesn’t see any fault of his own. AIBU and petty and any point of views I can show to my husband that it’s not all my fault. I know this may seem petty but when ever ‘he’ gets things wrong won’t take accountability and twists how I’ve said or done something for that ‘wrong’ to happen so he’s not at fault. So frustrating. We can’t agree on this but others we have a great marriage and usually think / have the same ideas and morals. I also now can’t give the doesn’t back as the delivery guy left!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/04/2024 20:52

I think I would struggle to care for longer than about 30 seconds

GrumpyPanda · 21/04/2024 20:54

Just make your husband use it up. I'm sure he can bear the floral scent for the sake of frugality although I personally find them insufferable and only ever use male versions.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 21/04/2024 20:55

Have you considered leaving him?? Sorry, I had to say that as many FM's seem to be hell bent on saying that😂

Stuff like that happens - get some more tomorrow

Harara · 21/04/2024 20:56

If you have a great marriage in general I’d let it go. It sounds like he was ordering online and it’s easy to get mixed up when you haven’t got the physical object in front of you. I do empathise though about it being very frustrating that he will never admit he is in the wrong. Sometimes an ‘I’m sorry’ is all it takes to make things better, but some men (probably some people) do really seem to struggle with this, and I agree it’s not an appealing trait.

TTPD · 21/04/2024 20:57

I know this may seem petty but when ever ‘he’ gets things wrong won’t take accountability

You said that when he showed you the deodorant you got annoyed and "had quite a go at him".
I'd be defensive too if someone had a go at me over buying the wrong deodorant.

Surely this didn't warrant anything beyond a "by the way, I don't like spray deodorant so could you get roll on in future" sort of comment?

QueenBodicea · 21/04/2024 20:58

I don't think I could get too wound up about this.
However, unless I can't get to a shop for whatever reason, I would normally choose to get my personal toiletries myself as in my experience others (partners, siblings, children) invariably choose something I would not despite my explicit instructions!

rollonretirementfgs · 21/04/2024 20:58

Zoned out halfway through reading this post

jaychops · 21/04/2024 20:59

If this is the biggest thing you have to worry about you should think yourself lucky.

Growlybear83 · 21/04/2024 21:00

How was he meant to know if you use roll on or spray deodorant? I doubt most men would have the slightest idea what deodorant to buy and I'm impressed that he checked with you first. I think you've over reacted hugely - just be grateful that he ordered it for you and if you're not going to use it, then Chuck it out, it will hardly break the bank.

hottchocolatte · 21/04/2024 21:01

I don't usually approve of the "is this all you've got to worry about?" comments but posting because your husband bought the wrong deoderant? Really. Just buy some more tomorrow.

Timeforanewnam · 21/04/2024 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Synergies · 21/04/2024 21:02

There is obviously a lot of build up resentment here.

So the real issue is that he is defensive and doesn't acknowledge and apologise when he makes a mistake. Is that it?

Grimchmas · 21/04/2024 21:05

Your husband is not a mind reader.

He checked with you.

You owe him a massive apology.

Donate the spray one to a food bank.

Move on with your life.

patchworkpal · 21/04/2024 21:08

You don't get "bigger sizes" of roll on deodorant and if you're so particular about it you would have known that. So this is on you

SparklyLeprechaun · 21/04/2024 21:09

If you make such a big fuss about any silly mistake, I'm not surprised he gets defensive and refuses to take responsibility.

PrincessFionaCharming · 21/04/2024 21:10

I mean.

it’s mildly irritating, yes..

Mumaway · 21/04/2024 21:14

Growlybear83 · 21/04/2024 21:00

How was he meant to know if you use roll on or spray deodorant? I doubt most men would have the slightest idea what deodorant to buy and I'm impressed that he checked with you first. I think you've over reacted hugely - just be grateful that he ordered it for you and if you're not going to use it, then Chuck it out, it will hardly break the bank.

I don't understand this. They live together, presumably share space, and it's quite likely he's seen her put deodorant on hundreds of times. I could tell you exactly what deodorant my husband uses, even though I don't buy it. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to expect him to buy the correct one, even without pictures or explanations

OneTC · 21/04/2024 21:15

We can’t agree on this but others we have a great marriage and usually think / have the same ideas and morals

Crikey

Hedonism · 21/04/2024 21:15

Hoppinggreen · 21/04/2024 20:52

I think I would struggle to care for longer than about 30 seconds

I didn't manage to care about it for long enough to read the whole op.

At least he tried, I don't think my dh even knows how to log into our Tesco's account (although I'm pretty sure he would go to the supermarket and buy me some deodorant if I was really too busy to do it myself).

Ladyluckinred · 21/04/2024 21:17

OP, things like this happen. Just bulk buy the roll on you like and go back to buying your own hygiene products. I usually buy whatever’s on offer and if my partner doesn’t like it, he’ll buy his own. It really isn’t a big deal, especially if you have a great marriage otherwise. Let it go.

thistimelastweek · 21/04/2024 21:20

This has to be a send up

A good send up. But a send up

Gcsunnyside23 · 21/04/2024 21:21

Just make him use it and buy your own. Its not something I'd crack up about

Pigeonqueen · 21/04/2024 21:23

Just buy a roll on tomorrow. Hardly worth a divorce over. I mean yeah he’s been a bit thoughtless but unless he’s some complete idiot 98% of the time I’d just let it go.

ExcitingRicotta · 21/04/2024 21:24

Wow you sound like hard work

Alwaysbloodytired · 21/04/2024 21:24

A few months ago I asked my DH to pick me up some sanitary towels on his way home from work. He came home with Tena Lady!
We laughed about it and the next day I went and bought my own products.
Wouldn't dream of having a go at him over a mistake!