AIBU with husband about deodorant

[Andrea130215]

So I have forgotten to buy some deodorant over a few days as been busy with work/ kids and not had time. Husband offered to buy some in the Tesco weekly shop which suited me and I sent him screen shots of the deodorant (roll on) that I have always used and refuse to use the spray deodorants as bad for the environment and also make me cough! So whilst we were at our children’s swim class my husband started doing the food shop order and checked if a bigger size deodorant was ok, I said yes and thought nothing more of it. This evening the shopping came and the deodorants I had pulled out were deodorant sprays (assumed they were for husband as kids were also messing about so didn't pay complete attention!) any how he then said here’s your deodorant I got so annoyed and had quite a go at him showed him the photos I’d text him of what I wanted and said I can’t use what was ordered. He then went on to say I didn’t specify roll on / spray but when I tried to show him photos of how different a spray bottle which has a cap on and a roll on look he then started having a go at me saying it’s my fault as he had ‘double checked’ with me! So annoyed as he’s never in the whole time we’ve been together seen me use a deodorant spray I’ve always used roll on so I assumed he’d just know. I usually stick to getting my own toiletries and the one time I trusted him in 10+yrs this happens. I’m so annoyed but he just doesn’t see any fault of his own. AIBU and petty and any point of views I can show to my husband that it’s not all my fault. I know this may seem petty but when ever ‘he’ gets things wrong won’t take accountability and twists how I’ve said or done something for that ‘wrong’ to happen so he’s not at fault. So frustrating. We can’t agree on this but others we have a great marriage and usually think / have the same ideas and morals. I also now can’t give the doesn’t back as the delivery guy left!

Unless, of course, the OP had been just as unspecific in previous instances and blamed him.

Also, she doesn't say that they're is a history, just that it's happened before. Maybe it was twice before, or maybe it's every week.

I don’t know what deodorant my husband wears. He is up and at the gym every morning and he showers there before work so his deodorant lives in his kit bag.

I doubt my husband knows what deodorant I wear as he’s out when I get ready for my day.

@HappiestSleeping - that's the point I was trying to make- if it's not regular then she is vastly overreacting, if this sort of thing is constant I'd be irritated- it's a 50/50 for me!

This is the most pathetic post I have ever seen on Mumsnet.

It is perfectly possible that your DH has never actually looked at your deodorant and registered that you use roll-on not spray. You are partly cross because you know the 'larger size' query should have alerted you but you were busy at the time. He's not admitting he's wrong because he doesn't think he is. Use his deodorant till you can remember to buy your own.

I’m so annoyed but he just doesn’t see any fault of his own.

If I made a little mistake like that and my partner had 'quite a go' at me over it I'd be fuming.

Would you think it was ok if your husband gave you a bollocking about something like that? Would you think you're supposed to stand there and take it and grovel or would you think he was overreacting?

TBH I think most men are shits and most of their behaviour is shit, but this is one thing that a lot of women do that a lot of men don't do, where they think they have the right to tear into their partner and think they can make them feel like a complete idiot and the worst person in the world over something stupid.

Jesus Christ, just close your mouth, spray it on, and open a window ffs

This man should get a pass to be able to cheat at least once after this

This.

we’re back to women taking on all of the shopping and grocery tasks. So when a man is asked to do it he gets it wrong, because it’s not something he’s ever had to think about and isn’t going to start now.

tena lady instead of sanitary products? Come on. Any adult man should know that one- you only have to watch tv for a nanosecond to get an ad for incontinence. It’s basic packet reading. Roll on vs. Spray is less obvious, but if you’ve lived with someone for years and never once done the shopping and bought deodorant to know preferences?

so now he’s got it wrong. She’ll roll her eyes at his incompetence, buy the correct one, and he’ll never be asked to buy it again.

it is the glass by the sink.

Am I in the twilight zone here? Is this thread full of male posters or something?
I can't believe PPs are suggesting that her husband should have an affair because she had a go at him! Is this all it takes for men to stray? A few harsh words from their wife and they have a free pass to go shag someone else?

OP clearly said she sent him a screenshot of the item she wanted. He couldn't be arsed to find the correct item and just picked up something similar. Perhaps it was the same brand/fragrance and he assumed it was the same, only bigger. If he had referred to the screenshot he had been sent with the exact product she wanted he wouldn't have stuffed it up.

It is absolutely weaponsied incompetence, get it just wrong enough so he doesn't get asked to do it again.

Men do not have affairs because their wife got frustrated at them buying the wrong thing (when the item had been clearly specified before he went to the shops). Honestly, do you think women should be meek and keep quiet and never criticise their husbands for fear of driving them into the arms of another?

Really? That's all it takes for a man to cheat? He should be excused to cheat because his wife had a go at him for buying the wrong thing? You think she should be punished for being annoyed at his incompetence?

I also tuned out halfway through your post. It sounds mildly annoying at best.

While you may be justified in being frustrated about other things he does, this particular hill you want to die on is a molehill. I say it's you who needs to take responsibility and apologise on this occasion.

It’s deodorant. Chill.

Buying the spray rather than the roll on is not 'weaponised incompetence' - it is a simple mistake.
He checked with her while he was at the shop. Got in touch with her to ask.
Do you want the bigger one? Yes.

Is he a doofus for not knowing the difference? Yes.

Was it a calculated move on his part to manipulate future chores in his favour? I doubt it.

We all have gaps in our knowledge, particularly on things we have no personal interest in.

Fucking hell. What a piss take of a post. No one needs to ‘take accountability’ of a can of fucking deodorant, nor does it mean DH doesn’t care about Op.

I’ve been with my DH for 8 years and he still double checks with me that he’s buying the right product (eg period stuff). I never even thought to be annoyed at the slightest that he doesn’t know all my products off by heart. If you want to be fussy about using a different deodorant for a day, buy it yourself.

You owe your husband an apology. Please stop getting angry about things that don’t matter.

I get the not admitting fault my dh does this and it winds me up although I do pull him up on it.

But in this instance you showed him what you wanted. He clarified in shop and you agreed.

So I would say this time you were at fault and actually he tried hard to get it right.

Personally I'd apologise for overreacting and maybe consider are you a bit overbearing. The fact that he checked when in the shop suggests he feels pressured not to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes it's a normal human thing.

Good grief.

This has to be a wind up.

My partner can also be like this. Weve also had to deodorant one 😂 sent photo of cream roll on he brought home 1 cream and 2 liquid. Was irrited but just forgot about it. I am also yet to use the other one 😂
I do tell him everything's not my fault and the conversation tends to end then

I don't know. She gave him clear instructions and a photo. He just couldn't be bothered to look for the right one.

All he had to do was look at the picture, then look and the shelf and play snap!!!

If I accidentally got DH the wrong deodorant and he had "quite a go at me" for it I wouldn't be offering again.

You had a go at him? Really?
Apologise and move on.

This has to be a wind up - "first time I've trusted him in 10 years"
If I were him I would LTB!

Donate sprays to food bank.
Visit shop/ order on Prime for roll ons. Sorted.
I cba arguing over deodorants.