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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU with husband about deodorant

126 replies

Andrea130215 · 21/04/2024 20:51

So I have forgotten to buy some deodorant over a few days as been busy with work/ kids and not had time. Husband offered to buy some in the Tesco weekly shop which suited me and I sent him screen shots of the deodorant (roll on) that I have always used and refuse to use the spray deodorants as bad for the environment and also make me cough! So whilst we were at our children’s swim class my husband started doing the food shop order and checked if a bigger size deodorant was ok, I said yes and thought nothing more of it. This evening the shopping came and the deodorants I had pulled out were deodorant sprays (assumed they were for husband as kids were also messing about so didn't pay complete attention!) any how he then said here’s your deodorant I got so annoyed and had quite a go at him showed him the photos I’d text him of what I wanted and said I can’t use what was ordered. He then went on to say I didn’t specify roll on / spray but when I tried to show him photos of how different a spray bottle which has a cap on and a roll on look he then started having a go at me saying it’s my fault as he had ‘double checked’ with me! So annoyed as he’s never in the whole time we’ve been together seen me use a deodorant spray I’ve always used roll on so I assumed he’d just know. I usually stick to getting my own toiletries and the one time I trusted him in 10+yrs this happens. I’m so annoyed but he just doesn’t see any fault of his own. AIBU and petty and any point of views I can show to my husband that it’s not all my fault. I know this may seem petty but when ever ‘he’ gets things wrong won’t take accountability and twists how I’ve said or done something for that ‘wrong’ to happen so he’s not at fault. So frustrating. We can’t agree on this but others we have a great marriage and usually think / have the same ideas and morals. I also now can’t give the doesn’t back as the delivery guy left!

OP posts:
BeaRF75 · 21/04/2024 22:25

Of course YABU! I can't believe anyone actually cares about such trivial nonsense. And to say "you can't use" what was purchased is rubbish - it may not be your preferred choice, but it is obviously usable - one tin of deodorant is not going to ruin the planet.
And any couple who regularly "have quite a go" at each other are both being unreasonable - how on earth do you react when it's something genuinely important?

betterangels · 21/04/2024 22:27

You had a go at him? I would have walked away from that if I were him. You would be arguing with yourself. Just take it back tomorrow or pop it in a basket for a food bank and buy the one you want.

HappiestSleeping · 21/04/2024 22:28

jaychops · 21/04/2024 20:59

If this is the biggest thing you have to worry about you should think yourself lucky.

This 👆

Also @Andrea130215 you don't say whether you used the words "roll on" in your request. If you did and he ignored you, then YANBU. If you didn't, then YABU.

NamelessNancy · 21/04/2024 22:31

Do people really have one brand of deodorant they expect their DH to remember? I usually buy whatever is on offer.

NamelessNancy · 21/04/2024 22:34

Reread. Apparently they do. It seems my life is actually easier than I realised.

SD1978 · 21/04/2024 22:37

From what you're saying, there is a history of getting things wrong and then blaming you, on this one example, it sounds like a mistake, and I really doubt he notices or cares you've never used a spray deodorant. He asked if you wanted a bigger bottle, you said yes. The bigger bottle is a spray. They only come in one size if it's a roll on. If this is just another example of long term weaponised incompetence I can understand the frustration

GregoryRimm · 21/04/2024 22:38

This reply has been deleted

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BIossomtoes · 21/04/2024 22:49

If I was so fussy about my deodorant I’d just buy my own.

Snugglemonkey · 21/04/2024 22:50

Give the man a break! You had "quite a go at him"? Over this nonsense?

You owe him an apology!

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 21/04/2024 22:51

Oh god, it’s deodorant, get a life!

TinyYellow · 21/04/2024 22:52

It was a simple mistake, chill out.

BirtyDird · 21/04/2024 22:54

Oh FFS just get over it, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill!

RichardsGear · 21/04/2024 22:55

I know we're supposed to read between the lines and think, oh my God, it's like that 'it was only one glass' thing (if it was a glass?) where a lazy arse bloke didn't realise that his leaving a glass next to the sink was the final straw for his long suffering wife and signalled the end of the marriage. But I can't help thinking, it's only a deodorant.

DrJoanAllenby · 21/04/2024 22:58

Jesus wept!

If you want something that badly, get it yourself. Poor guy can't do right from wrong.

twentysevendresses · 21/04/2024 22:58

😱😂 wow! You should maybe apologise to your husband and chill the fuck out OP! 🤦‍♀️

Copperoliverbear · 21/04/2024 22:59

Overreaction

DrJoanAllenby · 21/04/2024 23:00

It's no wonder men have affairs.

InNeedOfAWin · 21/04/2024 23:02

Oh my god! Leave this absolute monster of a man immediately!!

DumpedByText · 21/04/2024 23:02

How have you got time to get your knickers in a twist about this! Just buy some more tomorrow, they are only £2 🙄

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 23:03

Men cant get it right no matter what they do.
You are being petty a drama queen its deodorant.
Hears a thought you do the shopping or get your own toiletries.

Solocup · 21/04/2024 23:06

He tried to do something nice for you.
He got the wrong item.
I think you owe him an apology.

ChekhovsMum · 21/04/2024 23:07

I disagree completely, I think it’s weaponised incompetence. I bet he has preference for the way he makes coffee, or the type of socks he likes to wear, or his favourite chocolate or something, and I bet you know exactly what to buy, and you wouldn’t get it wrong because you’d read the packaging.
You know how important it is to get things like this right because you’ve had to do it for years or face the consequences, eg the DC not having toddler food pouches for the right weaning stage, or the family going out in the sun just wearing aftersun.
He thinks knowing the difference between one personal care product and another is women’s work, and therefore beneath him.

puddingisbest · 21/04/2024 23:12

Grow the fuck up.
I had to go to the food bank to get through last week i had to ask for pads and deodorant I was embarrassed has ive never had to do it i dont have a husband to go and do my shopping for me.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 21/04/2024 23:14

What a ridiculous fuss about nothing. You sound like hard work

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 23:18

Do women send their husbands to get their personal care products now.
I can see why men are now saying they are women their bloody fed up getting it wrong.
You sound like hard work when the kids are adults He'll be wanting a divorce if not sooner.