To not accommodate child at a party?

[LittleCarrot12]

my oldest child has a good group of friends from school of say 12 kids. Of that 4/5 are better friends. We’ve always done parties for bigger group but this year as he’s older slimmed it down to 6 inc him. The activity has a max number of kids so we couldn’t invite more.

one boys parents are well know for not rsvp-ing or doing so at the last minute. It’s a pain but we’ve always managed to accommodate. Last year the venue was pay in advance and the messaged the night before to say he’d be there. I responded to say I’d already confirmed final numbers but would check with the venue. Ultimately he came.

To avoid this I put a rsvp date on the invite- a group WA which I could see they read. No response so the day of the rsvp deadline I added a message to the chat to say I was confirming numbers that night and any others coming? No response but again they read it.
Based on that I offered the place to a football friend who agreed to come. Morning of the birthday his blinking dad messaged me at 8am to say he was coming! Party was 10am, I replied to say “thanks, but unfortunately all places are accounted for but hopefully we can accommodate CX another time.”
No response.
Now sitting thinking about it and wondering if I should have played it differently. The parents are so flaky and part of me thinks their issue but another feels guilty as all his good friends were there and no doubt chatting about it.

YANBU - but your message was too nice lol I would have said that we invited someone else as I hadn’t heard by the 12th of xx as that was the rsvp date etc etc

poor kid … but not your monkey not your problem

Not sure what to vote - YANBU for offering to another child after you'd been very clear about the deadline and messaged a reminder.
YABU to be fretting about it after the event - not the child's fault, but his parents need to learn to be more civil - otherwise you'd presumably ended up with a paid for place not used if they hadn't called last minute.
Hope it went well and your son enjoyed himself.

I'd have been blunter than you. Cheeky fucker

YANBU. You did the right thing.

They ignored the reminders, chose to leave it until the last moment in case a better offer came up, then messed you about. Result, their son misses out.

Flakey people are a pain in the arse and you don't have to accommodate them. It's a shame for their child but not your fault.

Yanbu

Hopefully the parents will learn a lesson from this.

Maybe their child being disappointed is the kick up the arse they need to get it together. It sounds like them being flaky is not a new thing so it's about time they learn. Yanbu and did well to respond quickly making it clear their child couldn't come as all the slots were accounted for.

They could have taken a spot, but farted about instead. Tough. That flakiness will mean their kid misses out on many other events. He'll get used to it.

You gave them two chances - You rsvp and message. You were right to refuse the last minute confirmation.

You have not been unreasonable other than in not being explicit in your text.
"I didn't book a place for X because I hadn't had confirmation from you on (date) "

No - you handled that perfectly.

They dawdled and hummed and hawed until they ran out of time for a better offer to land in their laps and when that didn't happen, they contacted you to say that they'd be there. Nope. Not happening.

This reminds me of the bride who sent out the "Missed RSVP" for their wedding:
https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/couples-note-for-guests-who-missed-rsvp-deadline-for-wedding-goes-viral-5242689

I think we should all channel a little bit of this when it comes to events that we're planning - even those for our kids as they grow up!

Me too. You were too nice to think idiot dad.You seemed to do a lot of apologising saying "sorry" and "unfortunately". You just need to tell them how it is. Shame for the boy but It would be easier not to invite him to future parties.

there is a child we know who’s always late rsvping because he never knows what match fixtures he’ll have (he plays county football) I don’t think everyone should assume they’re just cheeky, maybe they’ve a lot of responsibilities or the child has anxiety or something. You had to do it op, but I don’t think everyone should assume it’s as easy as cf- things rarely are

"things rarely are". I very much disagree with that in these circumstances. Most of the time it's down to poor planning from parents.

Presumably OP would have mentioned in her post if the child struggled socially or had anxiety or couldn't commit due to other responsibilities etc.

Maybe they'll learn their lesson now.

"things rarely are". I very much disagree with that in these circumstances. Most of the time it's down to poor planning from parents.
I wouldn’t think so, weekends are tougher for some people than for others, they have to juggle weekend jobs, trying to get to see family that live further away than they can get to and there’s the general pile up of invites, hobbies etc. some families don’t have a lot of these (eg kids might not do a lot of sports, parents might work Monday to Friday, family might be close by)

You handled it well op. The parent obviously knew the date otherwise they wouldn't have replied in the morning of the party so that means they were completely aware of the WhatsApp conversation and chose to ignore it until it suited them.

If only there was a way to communicate with others about such things.

A machine machine with the ability to converse with others....
Alas, I am a dreamer.

You are 100% in the right

😅 in this house it’s can you take them? I don’t know, can you? Don’t they have this at 11, do you think they’ll make it on time? You can’t text a mum going ‘I don’t know we’re trying to figure it out’ because judging from everyone above they’ll simply go ‘well if my kid isn’t your son’s priority, we’ll leave you to it!!’

Absolutely fine

Well then they should have replied with something along the lines of ‘hopefully we can get there but I don’t know my shift pattern/might need to visit auntie’.

Don't see what else you could do. You'd be planning your whole get together based on this boys parents. It's a shame for the boy. Maybe you could make a point of saying face to face to the communicator of the 2 parents that your DS was dissapointed they couldn't come but it was really important you heard back from them to book.

Don't feel bad about it. Every class has the nightmare parents who can't get their act together and that means that their kids sometimes miss out.

Too bad so sad.

Well a child playing competitive sport can just decline invitations that could clash if they require confirmation of numbers before the competition schedule is known. They can attend on other days or when numbers don't matter. No one has to play competitive sport, there are going to be sacrifices.

Anxiety, child decides by rsvp date, apologises if they can't make it on the day, same as any other illness.