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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL annoyed Dh told family we're expecting

123 replies

Foood · 21/04/2024 10:25

Dh and I went to see his auntie, cousin and nephew and broke the news that we're expecting a baby and it was very lovely and they are very excited for us.

We then went to see MIL and FIL and mentioned we'd told the family and that they are happy for us and she flipped.

She shouted that she wanted to tell them and that its up to her to tell them we're expecting and it was awful of us to do so.

Dh argued that its his baby and up to him who and when he tells them, she then said that we're selfish and don't care about her..

Are we being unreasonable here for wanting to tell people ourselves?

OP posts:
icallshade · 21/04/2024 12:09

OP my own mother had a go at me yesterday for telling my friend of 30 years' mother that I was expecting a baby, in similar fashion stated that 'she' wanted to break the news. Beggars belief.

MigGirl · 21/04/2024 12:10

No your note being unreasonable. She's mad, expect more as things go on.

I was pissed off that my MIL told DH's family before we got a chance to. I was even more pissed that she did it again with our second. It's your news to share not hers.

coastalhawk · 21/04/2024 12:17

Stay out of this - your DH should manage all of this, don't let it take up your head space.

Iloveacurry · 21/04/2024 12:20

Leave your DH to deal with her, which thankfully he did! Definitely your news to share, not hers.

Overtheatlantic · 21/04/2024 12:20

Wow. She wanted to shine in your spotlight. What a cow.

Itsaloadofbollocksbut · 21/04/2024 12:21

Move to Outer Mongolia. Now.

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 21/04/2024 12:26

See this as a sign of things to come... Of course you aren't wrong for telling people YOUR news....

bert3400 · 21/04/2024 12:30

She is being batshit. I'm a MIL and GM and I would never ever dream of sharing my DS and DIL news ...never ever

kaben · 21/04/2024 12:42

You dh needs to send a text to his mum saying - or phone her to say;

I was upset by your outburst yesterday - wife is pregnant and it was a completely normal thing to do, telling aunty/cousins etc. You should not have flipped about it - it made things uncomfortable at a time that should be joyful.

Please try to be supportive. I want you to be involved, rather than the type of mother in law that all the jokes are made about.

kaben · 21/04/2024 12:43

If your dh doesn’t nip this in the bud, things will just get worse and worse

CosmosQueen · 21/04/2024 12:43

Best of luck for the next 25 years, god knows you’re going to need it!

ImNotAPanda · 21/04/2024 12:47

She’ll also be announcing the birth before you can to your family if you’re not careful. I would be telling her last now out of everyone to avoid that and telling her why if she asks.

Of course it’s 100% your news to tell people not hers!

2024istheyearforme · 21/04/2024 12:50

this is very strange :o she is wrong

Nanny0gg · 21/04/2024 12:50

I loved telling MY friends and colleagues each time I was going to be a grandma. So that way I got the joy of sharing the news without spoiling anything for my children (when it was the right time, before anyone starts)

It was up to the parents-to-be to tell all the relatives and their friends, not me. That was their joy to share

Your MiL is nuts and needs telling

beetr00 · 21/04/2024 12:51

@Foood just wondering why you'd tell your husband's aunt before his mum?

Family dynamics?

Shinyandnew1 · 21/04/2024 12:52

kaben · 21/04/2024 12:42

You dh needs to send a text to his mum saying - or phone her to say;

I was upset by your outburst yesterday - wife is pregnant and it was a completely normal thing to do, telling aunty/cousins etc. You should not have flipped about it - it made things uncomfortable at a time that should be joyful.

Please try to be supportive. I want you to be involved, rather than the type of mother in law that all the jokes are made about.

I’d ask send a message like that. And add something like-we will be the people who will tell friends and family when the baby is born as well- not you.

Floralnomad · 21/04/2024 12:54

beetr00 · 21/04/2024 12:51

@Foood just wondering why you'd tell your husband's aunt before his mum?

Family dynamics?

I think the MIL already knew but wanted to be the one spreading the news to family .

Pomegranatecarnage · 21/04/2024 12:55

beetr00 · 21/04/2024 12:51

@Foood just wondering why you'd tell your husband's aunt before his mum?

Family dynamics?

She didn’t. The MIL already knew but wanted to be the person to tell the rest of the family.

WaltzingWaters · 21/04/2024 12:58

Oh gosh she sounds bonkers. Set boundaries now - she’s going to be overbearing!

edited to add - don’t let MIL know when you’re in labour and tell her when baby is born at the same time you tell others, otherwise she’ll be the one to try and get in there first and tell everyone. Usually I’d say grandparents (with a good relationship) are first to be told, but she’s lost this privilege with her outburst.

2Old2Tango · 21/04/2024 12:59

Yeah, plan now how you're going to manage the birth announcements, as she'll be on the phone to everyone before you get chance, so that she can pip you to the post.

YeahComeOnThen · 21/04/2024 13:00

@Foood No it's YOUR news, to tell people when YOU want to!

your DH made a good start on putting her back in her box. Well done him.

really pay attention to the PP & get yourselves armed against the batshit behaviour that she'll display if you don't knock it hard on the head now. Remember anything you tell her will be broadcast immediately. Keep stuff you don't want her telling the world to yourself!!

congratulation on your very exciting news!!

beetr00 · 21/04/2024 13:13

@Floralnomad @Pomegranatecarnage aha! ok, I misunderstood.

GG1986 · 21/04/2024 13:15

Just wait until you have the baby! She will be wanting to announce to the family. We had to tell my mil who we had told so that she could tell the rest, it was a nightmare.

Alwaysalwayscold · 21/04/2024 13:20

Oh god, she's going to be pure hell.

ToastyToes101 · 21/04/2024 13:23

Of course you're NBU, but I suspect she is excited about becoming a granny and wanted to have the excitement of telling people (and has perhaps forgotten that as a parent-to-be, you actually want to do that yourself!).

You could do as other posters suggest and go no/low contact, move to outer Mongolia etc... Or you could sit her down and have an adult chat with her and see if you can appeal to her more reasonable side. She may have already realised she was unreasonable and just got caught up in the excitement and wanted to make it about her being a granny rather you becoming parents.

I wouldn't cut her off immediately without trying to resolve it calmly. But then again, this is Mumsnet and people do love a drama (especially when it's not their own).