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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 13 year old at home with 3 year old for 2hours during the day

142 replies

youmeat6 · 19/04/2024 23:27

Well that, 13 year old is mature and can be trusted to stay home alone for a few hours, would it be unreasonable to leave the 3 year old with him for 2 hours? My parents live a few doors down.

Would like outside opinions.

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/04/2024 07:04

VimFuego101 · 21/04/2024 01:27

That's a lot of responsibility for a 13yo if something goes wrong. They might be OK if everything goes fine but what if th child hurts themselves or has a medical emergency, would they know what to do and be calm enough to deal with it?

Also it's 2 hours people not over night. A reasonable and safe first stepping stone IMO.

anon2022anon · 21/04/2024 07:06

My instinct now is no, but as a 13/ 14 year old I very regularly looked after a family with a 9, 5 and 1 year old while they went out on a Friday night. Has the world changed that much in 25 years?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 21/04/2024 08:10

I thought the law states 14

SoupDragon · 21/04/2024 08:13

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 21/04/2024 08:10

I thought the law states 14

Bizarrely, there is no law at all. If a problem occurs you could be prosecuted for "child endangerment" in certain circumstances but there is no actual age limit you can or can't legally leave a child alone. The NSPCC has advice on ages but it's not law.

Everythinggreen · 21/04/2024 08:17

youmeat6 · 19/04/2024 23:27

Well that, 13 year old is mature and can be trusted to stay home alone for a few hours, would it be unreasonable to leave the 3 year old with him for 2 hours? My parents live a few doors down.

Would like outside opinions.

All these shocked people. OP I was a babysitter for my sisters and brothers kids from being 13 and they were toddlers. Never has any incidents, accidents and lots of fun. If you know your 13 yr old is mature enough then I don't see the problem.

Tomorrowtomorrow77 · 21/04/2024 08:17

Neurodiversitydoctor · 20/04/2024 22:53

People take risks all the time, everytime you get into a car, drink alcohol or catch a plane there is a tiny risk something awful might happen doesn't stop most of us doing those things. It would almost certainly be good for the mother to have some child free time, good for the 13yo to have some responsibility and better for the 3yo to be played with at home and spend quality time with their sibling than being dragged along with the mother. To me those benefits outweigh the infinitesimal risk of a disaster.

Show quote history

Of course but a 13 year old is not experienced enough to make the choice, you’re making the choice on risk taking for them. Risk taking is important but this is not a risk worth taking. It’s totally wrong.

fieldsofbutterflies · 21/04/2024 08:19

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 21/04/2024 08:10

I thought the law states 14

There's no law, only NSPCC guidance.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 21/04/2024 09:34

This is interesting, especially the part about children under 16 providing care

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

fieldsofbutterflies · 21/04/2024 09:49

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 21/04/2024 09:34

This is interesting, especially the part about children under 16 providing care

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

Anything the NSPCC says is just guidance, though - it's not the law and you can't be prosecuted for not following it. The only issue is that if something bad happens, you (as the parent) could potentially be prosecuted for child neglect and/or endangerment.

HappyAsASandboy · 21/04/2024 11:43

It would be a no from me.

I occassionally leave my just 4 year old with my older kids (13/13/9) for 15 mins while I pop to the shop or to collect one of the other kids from school, but if there's any disharmony in the house or neither of the 13 year olds are enthusiastic about playing with the 4 year old one-on-one for the entire time I am out then I take the 4 year old with me.

All my kids are quite responsible, including the 4 year old (though obviously they are only 4!). If any of them where the type to climb on roofs or stick their fingers in plugs, then I wouldn't leave them at home!

ZenNudist · 21/04/2024 11:55

I'd leave a 13yo with a 10yo for 2 hours if a responsible adult nearby. But not such a young toddler

Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/04/2024 16:05

Tomorrowtomorrow77 · 21/04/2024 08:17

Of course but a 13 year old is not experienced enough to make the choice, you’re making the choice on risk taking for them. Risk taking is important but this is not a risk worth taking. It’s totally wrong.

Show quote history

Are you familiar with the concept of Gillick competence ? There is nothing magical about the age 16 or 18. Risk assesment is a iterative process throughout adolescence.

ageratum1 · 21/04/2024 16:21

Well 3 years old is not a baby or even a toddler, so depending on the tot and the teen and if the 13 yo was keen to do it and it was just a one off with grandparents close at hand , it would be a good experience to let them have some responsibility.
I wouldn't with a child under 3 though

Tomorrowtomorrow77 · 21/04/2024 19:48

Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/04/2024 16:05

Are you familiar with the concept of Gillick competence ? There is nothing magical about the age 16 or 18. Risk assesment is a iterative process throughout adolescence.

Show quote history

Yes, I am thank you. How are you assessing the capacity here and do you think this is an appropriate use of it? It isn’t. In my field of work I’ve seen enough irresponsible parenting and the outcomes of it to know it is not the right thing to do. I’m a parent myself to multiple children of multiple ages to add personal experience to it. I still know it is very irresponsible and NOT worth the risk.

stichguru · 03/06/2024 21:36

I have an 11 year old and we have god daughters aged 3 and 5. I'm 99.99999999% sure my 11 year old would be fine with them both on his own for an hour. BUT I'd never leave them with him. Honestly I only leave the three of them in a room on their own for 5 mins tops without checking on them. 1) because small kids do I find hard to react to and I'd never put that on my son. 2) Because if something bad happened it would destroy him, even if an adult couldn't have stopped it any better than him. I would say it becomes irresponsible when you've been out of earshot for more than a couple of minutes.

Gogogo12345 · 03/06/2024 22:08

VimFuego101 · 21/04/2024 01:27

That's a lot of responsibility for a 13yo if something goes wrong. They might be OK if everything goes fine but what if th child hurts themselves or has a medical emergency, would they know what to do and be calm enough to deal with it?

Grandparents are 2 doors down in an emergency. Sure 13 year old could phone them

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