Leaving 13 year old at home with 3 year old for 2hours during the day

[youmeat6]

Well that, 13 year old is mature and can be trusted to stay home alone for a few hours, would it be unreasonable to leave the 3 year old with him for 2 hours? My parents live a few doors down.

Would like outside opinions.

As a general rule, I wouldn't leave a 13 yo to care for a 3 yo in extended circumstances.

However, my DS minds his younger cousins occasionally - he was 13 when minding a 6, 4 & 2 yo. It was for a short period (a little less than 2 hours), while my DSIL had a local appointment. Older 2 watched TV, he played with the 2.5 yo, changed his nappy! And it was fine.

It was a specific situation that all concerned were happy with, and he knew where to go & what to do, if he needed help.

It really depends on the specific dynamics of the relationships.

Also strangely, I'd be more concerned about a sibling than a cousin! Siblings just have less skin in the game & are at home so likely to be more relaxed, not pay enough attention.

In my DS's situation, he was very aware he was 'doing a job' & did nothing else only mind his cousins.

When my 3 are at home together (youngest 12), I get irritated the older 2 are not paying attention to the youngest or checking screen time etc.

I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t leave my 13 year old alone for two hours to look after her 9 year old sister. I know that DD1 can get absorbed in whatever she’s doing, and wouldn’t think to check on her sister if they were in different rooms and she hadn’t heard from her for a while.
At 9 the chances of her getting up to something dangerous are slim, but at 3 that risk is much higher and a lot could go wrong in two hours.

I would and I’m surprised at the responses here. You’ve said the 13 year old is sensible and the 3 year old well behaved, talk through with the teen various scenarios and a plan of entertainment, check they know how to call in the GPs from 2 minutes away - absolutely fine.

I babysat a 4 yo regulartly at age 12 and all was ok. That was before phones and technology too. I'm sure they'll be fine especially with your parents around too.

I fully appreciate things have changed a lot since I was a kid, but I started baby sitting at age 13. This included babies.

I had a 10 year age gap between my first and second child. I can’t recall if my older child looked after the younger in their own at that age (13) but they certainly could have for a short duration if time.

A 3 year old can talk and be told things, has some understanding of what they can and cannot do. So yes, I think I would if I knew the 13 year old was mature enough to pay attention to the 3 year old for that length of time and I knew the 3 year old was likely to behave.

but as said, I know things are different now.. I’m in my 50s.

I think 3 is just a little young. Maybe if the sibling was 5+ I’d leave them

Tell your husband to Google instrumental parentification as that's what it is. The joy of being a "mature" child.

My niece is 14 and I'd have trusted her with my 4 year old a year ago when they were 13 & 3.

She's sensible, would have played with her& given full attention. I'd have left her with treats to bribe her/avert a tantrum and if she was being a nightmare she'd have known to just put the tv on.

Children gain responsibility by being given some or expected to take it. Lots of kids this age could handle this fine.

No.
I've seen these situations go wrong so I'd be too wary. Kids falling out of windows because teen needed the toilet but was on their phone. The guilt for the teenager was huge. Too much responsibility. Too much risk. (That example was one I saw 3 times in social work so not even a random one!)

People have different thresholds, and I'm sure plenty of teens care for younger kids with no issues. However I couldn't risk it - it would have to be an extreme emergency with literally no other option.

A million times no. What if 3 year old chocked on food or jumped off the sofa and hit their head etc. Not only would the 3 year old be in danger, it could really mess up the 13 year old if anything happened.

If your parents live a few doors down (and surely they’ll be home otherwise that’s an irrelevant point you’ve made), why not just leave the kids with your parents? 😵‍💫
I think 13 is too young really, 3 is very young and that’s not fair to put on a 13 year old.

Basically I think if you imagine having to explain why you leave them home alone regularly to a police officer - if you have negative feelings imagining explaining that (embarrassment, shame etc) then that’s a sign you know 13 is too young. If you feel fine explaining that then there’s your answer.

I love that so many people just assume the grandparents would of course babysit.

Plenty of grandparents are not able or willing to babysit.

If she had the easy option of grandparents, the OP wouldn't be asking this question!

I wouldn’t have any issue with this, presuming the 13 year old is sensible and happy to do it. Would alert your parents that they need to be contactable in case of emergency and instruct the older child to call for help at first inkling they need it.

I babysat at 13 for the kids my Mum childminded - think it was pretty typical for my peer group!

It so interesting that teaching older kids responsibility is so often in the form of free babysitting.

I was babysitting at that age regularly and my dc did look after my friends kids the youngest being little from 13. All depends on the child really, you know best

I'd do it but I was regularly babysitting several neighbours small children when I was 13 and never felt like it was too much responsibility. Especially as there are familiar adults nearby for support if needed.

Big no from me. 16 yes, but 13 responsible for a young toddler is not fair to either of them

Bloody hell! I can't believe you were OK with your 13yo son being responsible for 3 under 6!!

13 year old alone - potentially.
13 year old with responsibility for 3 year old sibling - definitely not.

Nope.

A definite no!

That’s shocking.

Absolutely not, and I’m pretty lax by MN standards….

If the grandparents aren't able or willing to babysit they aren't much use as a backup plan either.

I think I'd be happy with a 13 year old 3 year old situation but for a shorter time, max 30 minutes maybe. 2 hours is a long time